Hello all! I hope your summer has been eventful mine has certainly had its ups and downs. As a matter of a fact, 2016 has been one rollercoaster ride for the world. Things are hard and our nation has been filled with a lot of unpleasant surprises, I mean Donald Trump is a legitimate candidate for the President. If that’s not enough to make your stomach turn I don’t know what is. Needless to say our fate is quite uncertain. But what is? Life is a crazy thing and its always so crazy because you don’t have much that you can be certain about especially when dealing with romance. Well from what I remember! LOL! I do wonder though can you truly pursue and partake in romance without financial certainty?
The Most Romantic Day of Our Lives
Romance from what I can remember can be awesome but it can also be scary for so many reasons and lately I’ve been seeing that finance has its part in the idea itself. For most women the most romantic day of our lives is supposed to be the day that we get married highlighted by our fairy tale wedding. A wedding is supposed to be a truly romantic event. What usually makes it romantic are the “details”, these details have to be purchased. Many times they can cost an arm and a leg. I’ve heard horror stories where couples are in constant disagreement about the budget of a wedding where oftentimes the woman wants to go overboard. The perfect dress, cake, venue and décor are essential. What happens when you nor your partner can afford those “romantic details”? Should you just go ahead with what you have and potentially bypass some of the romance? Does it truly matter in this instance? Can it be overlooked? Should it be overlooked?
Should the man always pay?
What about before you even get to the marriage part of romance? What about dating? Can a woman truly feel complete romance about a man who isn’t willing to pay all of the time? Should he pay all of the time? I’ve always noticed that in the beginning of a newfound romance guys usually do the most. You know what I mean. They want to impress their new lady. They usually splurge on the best restaurants and even regularly gifts the lady with meaningful trinkets that make their new girl ecstatic. There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact it’s awesome but soon it trickles off or in some cases it stops abruptly. How does one handle this? How does the woman deal? Should she start picking up where he left off? Or should he have not started something that he didn’t intend on continuing? In situations like this the man may not be able to keep up the momentum. Perhaps his finances aren’t truly all that he alluded to in the beginning. Will this kill the romance? 
Is she truly worth it?
Let’s keep it real, all women aren’t worth it. Women have intentions just like men do. In fact, our intentions are more calculated and intricate by design. Hell I can tell after one encounter whether or not a guy will get past a first date with me or whether or not he’ll see the insides of my thighs. Let’s keep it real. If you men suspect that a woman is only using you to pass the time when she’s bored, as an available meal ticket or anything else less genuine then I definitely don’t advocate you spending a lot of money on a faulty investment. We all know what are red flags or deal breakers for us, if they start to rear their ugly heads then by all means take a thrifty route when it comes to entertaining the woman in question. Hey, I believe in being fair, maybe that’s why I’m still single. LOL!
Hard times come and go, but will she?
Life is uncertain as we’ve already determined and sometimes our finances may take a unforeseen hit which may put the more costly side of dating on a backburner for a while. Life happens, can a woman truly stand by when she’s no longer getting all of those wonderful expensive things that romance tends to bring? A lot of men equate their manhood in a relationship with their ability to provide or even wine and dine a young lady. In fact, I know some guys where they feel completely emasculated if they can’t give a woman all of the things that they believe she deserves. Sometimes even if it’s not a woman that their involved with. Does a man’s ability to provide determine his masculinity? And if that man can no longer provide all of the things that he normally provides is a woman justified for walking away? Should she walk away?
My final two cents
When it comes to dating, extravagant ain’t always the best route to go in the beginning, especially if it’s causing a strain on your wallet. Start how you want to finish. If you begin wining and dining a woman you have to keep the momentum up but however expense isn’t always the issue here, attention is. It’s alright if the amount that you spend ebbs and flows but the amount of attention that you give a woman should never be completely absent. In fact, I believe that women should sometimes step up to the plate as dating progresses, we should pick up the tab every now and again. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. As it pertains to weddings I think you should only do what you can afford and if having that perfect day means that much to either the bride or the groom then perhaps you should wait or reevaluate some things. Finally, if a woman can’t be your backbone when things are in a financial pinch then you definitely spent your romance on the wrong woman. A woman is supposed to be a man’s strength not his liability. I used to think differently about relationships and money until I lived through it, I saw firsthand that money isn’t the essential piece of true love. In 2008 when my father went through three surgeries in one year he wasn’t healthy enough to work and because my mom was his strength she didn’t trip nor did she complain. She rolled up her sleeves and handled business until he was back on top again. He was able to reestablish his financial security with the help of his partner not in spite of her. I guess my perspective is that true romance doesn’t necessarily involve finance, it demands attention, don’t get them confused. 
SMOOCHES!
Earlier this year, I lost my dear friend EJ and I miss him so much. I look at my phone several times at the last text exchange we had and sometimes look at pictures we took in high school and burst out in laughter at the sheer silliness that went on when we all got together. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and wish that he was still here if not for me but for so many others. I know he’s in a better place and he’s up there keeping up noise with my dear departed Papi. Today I say to you all that Black Lives Matter as it pertains to police violence but they matter when it comes to violence within our own community as well. Tell someone you know today that you love them and if you know someone with violent tendencies, tell them that love is a much stronger weapon. God Bless you all!
Did I Shave My Legs for This? 
July 25, 2016 at 12:33 am
I have had to deal with a man who felt emasculated because I had his back. I wanted to go out no matter who paid , however he didn’t want if he couldn’t . Just to give an example . I also think Pride is a great thing. At the same time it can be a downfall .
July 25, 2016 at 1:53 am
When my husband and I dated I would pay for myself at times. I never felt right always having the guy pay for everything. I mean once it’s a marriage everything should be shared 50/50, so why should that be different before marriage. That’s just me and my feelings. Always great words Ashley keep it up.
July 25, 2016 at 3:04 am
I totally get it. Different strokes for different folks but you are an example of being an asset not a liability and many women don’t realize that sometimes they are a financial liability.
July 25, 2016 at 12:12 pm
I don’t think it is about being a “financial liability”, as it is about a man having too much pride. It is a given that if you start to date someone who has a career and you are still striving to get a career, that person may make more money than you. Does that mean you don’t date them or vice versa? You are aware that you may not be able to treat this woman, does that mean the two of you don’t bond ? Go out to have fun? Does this mean you don’t have your mates back while they are striving? I think that as women we are naturally nurturing, and sometimes loyal to A FAULT. I think for some men who are just grasping their manhood sometimes confuse pride with responsibility…or role reversal. The reality is not being humble and understanding leads them to let their pride lead.
Even if a man wants to make his own way, they can sometimes let the pride get in the way and it ultimately starts to make them feel like they are being “kept” instead of HELPED. I guess there is a thin line…took me some time to find out where it splits.