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Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

What if We….

Greetings all!  I hope that you all are preparing for a wonderful holiday season.  I, myself am eagerly anticipating some time off work to sleep and partake in some shenanigans with my friends.  Whenever we get together it’s always a memorable time.  With that being said, a recent Instagram post got me to thinking about my everlasting single status and the responsibility that lies on my shoulderS as a black woman.  The meme was quite straightforward and simple, it reads “So who waits for us while we get out shit together?”-Black women.  Pretty cut and dry question huh?  Who waits on us to get our shit together?  But the question is so loaded that if it was a potato, it’d be bursting with cheese and bacon.  First of all, we all know that no one waits on us to get our shit together, so I choose to ask some other huge questions to point out the reality that we black women carry the brunt of the world on our backs and we’ve been doing it so long that oftentimes by our male counterparts we are taken for granted. Wait

What if the roles were reversed, what if we did some of the ridiculous things that many, not all black men tend to do sometimes?

What If We Were Inconsistent With Our Careers?

You see the young black male, Cameron,  is allowed to live with his parents while he works at the temporary agency and is allowed to explore the idea of a T-shirt company or possibly joining the military as a potential career path.  Because truly, the black male is his momma’s baby while the black female, Jasmine, is that heifer that needs to get her ass out of her mother’s house as soon as possible.  Now what both Cameron and Jasmine are doing is admirable but you see Jasmine is expected to already have her career path figured out by the time she’s entered her early 20s.  In addition, as Jasmine leaves home and becomes involved with Drew, she’s expected to allow him immunity as he hustles out of the house that she’s breaking her back to pay for because her mother isn’t so welcoming.  Crazy isn’t it?  Cameron is cleared to discover himself with his mother while Drew expects the same treatment from his girlfriend.  I’m quite sure there’s huge psychological discoveries in these two scenarios.

What if Cameron becomes a lawyer and meets Melissa who is thinking of being a counselor but right now she dances most of the time until she gets tired of the club owner and sometimes she earns money on the side as a waitress but then again she’s always braiding whenever she can.  What if?  I’ll tell you what if.  Cameron would play with Melissa for a while but as soon as one of his homeboys says something about seeing Melissa at a bachelor party, poor Melissa would be history.  Pretty soon she’d get the title of “trifling”, “hoe” and “broke” as he prepares to meet someone better.  Is Cameron the villain here?  Most of society would say no, and I’d say he isn’t a villain but he isn’t exactly correct either.

What If We Had Multiples?

Society doesn’t look at Cameron and Jasmine though the same lens.  If Cameron wound up the father of three different babies with three different women his stock wouldn’t be any less off than it was when he was first enrolled into law school however if the tables were turned and Jasmine became a mother thrice with three different men things certainly would change for her.  Would Cameron, the attorney, even look her way?  You all know the answer to that, no, hell no.  But again, is he the villain here?  Is he a necessarily a bad guy?

Why Ask Us to Put Up With What You Wouldn’t?

I could ask about 100 questions, including the following about men and what they expect us to put up with but my ultimate wondering lies here, why would you want us to put up with some shit that you wouldn’t?  Why?  You don’t want a hoe, so don’t be one.  You wouldn’t like inconsistency, so be consistent.  You wouldn’t like irresponsibility, so stop running away from your responsibilities.  You wouldn’t want a lazy woman, so don’t be a lazy ass man.  You wouldn’t want us if we were broke and not trying to find direction?  So you need to man up and boss up.  If you wouldn’t want your daughter to date a man like you, you need to change.  In addition, don’t get mad at us when we call a spade a spade, if you know damn well you have enough kids to fulfill a starting lineup of a basketball or football team, don’t get mad when we say that we’re not prepared to deal with all of that.  You know damn well you wouldn’t.  You wouldn’t want a woman who’s just with you for your 6 figures and she’s not making the same, so don’t you try and do the same shit to us.  Table

The Reality

If you were a little black girl in the 90s you saw a lot of phenomenal women.  We saw Oprah for Christ’s sake as well as Hilary Clinton, Barbara Jordan, Maya Angelou, Janet Jackson, Angela Bassett and the list goes.  Consequently we saw what greatness lies in being female and many times we saw the greatness that lies in being a black female (I know Hilary isn’t a sister) so many of us aspire to be as great or greater than those women.  No one, has ever waited on us to get our shit together.  We’ve had to carry the brunt of the world since the beginning of time.  We’ve carried that weight in times of trial, through slavery as broodmares and the sexually exploited as well as in times of triumph while being labeled as “too independent” and “unwifeable”.  Society has divided us with huge forces like Willie Lynch and governmental institutions such as welfare but through it all, we’ve still flourished, we’ve still transcended into the embodiment of Black Girl Magic.  This reality isn’t necessarily harsh but instead triumphant, we know that no one waits on us to get our shit together, so to you black men, we aren’t waiting on you to get yours together either. napkin

SMOOCHES!

I had a friend, a real friend, who was working to keep his shit together and provide for his daughter.  That friend was a great father and a true embodiment of what a real man’s love is all about.  My dear friend EJ, I miss you so much.  Every time I think of texting you some absurd mess about the opposite sex, I get even sadder, I get even madder because you aren’t here.  Another anniversary of your death is looming in a month or so, and it’s still surreal to me.  How could someone take your life and take so much of our light away, that is what you meant to me.  You were so much light and a shining example of love.  I love you and I miss you.  Keep a watchful eye up there.  Lord knows I need it.  

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My Life Is Mine— Single Lives Matter

Greetings all!  I pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I also pray that you didn’t over do it at the dinner table because we all are growing older and the overconsumption of food can be a trend that leads to so many preventable diseases.  As you can probably tell, wellness is something that is also near and dear to my heart as is this blog and a multitude of things.  Being full is a blessing, don’t become overly full due to greed.  Greed is hardly ever a good thing.  Well I am full.  I am full of optimism, I’m full of possibilities and due to the realization that I’ve just discovered, I’m especially full of pride.  During this season of Thanksgiving, I’ve had the opportunity to reconnect with friends which is something I am eternally grateful for.

The reconnection with old friends is a sign of growth and maturity, which is something we all need.  It’s a beautiful thing to reflect on how foolish you were before and how open-minded one has become going forward.  It allows you to realize which “friends” are really there for you and which ones are just there.  Trust me there’s a distinction.  Real friends are there when things get messy, difficult, hard and downright shitty.  They don’t just call you when they want something but they reach out to you because they can sense that something is off.  Real friends support you even when it’s inconvenient.

In addition to taking stock with determining who’s real and who’s really flaky, I’ve realized something at the hands of an entertainer that spoke to my soul in ways that it hadn’t been reached in quite some times.  A couple of weeks back, Tracee Ellis Ross, an award-winning actress and the daughter of an icon, Diana Ross delivered a speech that spoke to so many women.  If you haven’t witnessed her speech, please look it up, because it is needed drastically in today’s society.  Her words spoke to me and her words are the title for this post.  “My Life is Mine”.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/11/17/my-life-is-mine-tracee-ellis-ross-gives-a-rousing-pep-talk-for-single-women-everywhere/?utm_term=.e6763742fd55

Tracee

My Life is Mine

As a single, unmarried woman who is childless you can imagine that I am on the receiving end of frequent bullshit on a regular basis.  I usually get served bullshit by so-called “friends”, co-workers and society about my marital status or lack thereof.  Even though I get served this BS from three different entities on a regular basis, when it comes to my single status, all BS servers are serving the same dish.  That dish is to lower my expectations aka settle.  I get told my my “friends” that I am shallow or picky.  I get told by my co-workers that I’m looking for too much and society tells me that I should be happy with a man who is a “work in progress”.  I get told all of these things because being a 32 year old woman with no husband and no children is just tragic.  I mean what kind of meaning could I possibly have if I am not a mother nor a wife.  This is tragic. Stigma

Of course by now you know that I am not buying this garbage right?  My “friends” who say that I am too shallow or picky are not real friends.  They are not the ones who really know what it’s like to be me.  They don’t know how hard it has been to grow up in a family of queens who get their crowns dusted, trampled and damaged at the hands of men who are unworthy.  My co-workers who spit that garbage don’t know me as half as much as they think they do and by some of the “advice” that they give, I doubt it if I will ever let them get close enough to really know me.  Lastly, society can kiss my ass, because a nation that elects a pussy-grabbing pervert as their Commander-in-Chief who seems to have a whole damn band of equally sick supporters in his party is hardly in any position to give me dating tips.

I reflect what I expect.  Quite simple.  I want me a me.  Yes, you read that right.  I want an ambitious, educated, adventurous, upstanding man who has morals and who wouldn’t dream of irresponsibly bringing a multitude of children into this world by multiple women. I want a man who has goals and is geared towards a path of exploration and excellence and quite frankly unless a man is all of that, he can stay exactly where his ass is.

Single Lives Matter

Society is so narrow-minded.  There are a lot of people who actually think that if you don’t have children or a man beside you that your life is dull and meaningless.  Ha.  That is quite possibly the most absurd thing that has ever been imagined.  Now to those who have a wonderful marriage and lovely children, there is no shade at all from me.  Love your life but just because you love yours doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to love mine.  All of our lives have meaning, just different ones.  While you were planning to have a date night with your husband.  I was reconnecting with a college friend.  While you were doing your family’s laundry, I was speaking to the youth at a church.  While you were running around behind your toddlers, I was going to kickboxing class.  As you were planning a family reunion, I was attending Caribana.  As you were cooking dishes for that reunion, I was throwing paint at J’ouvert.  I met a new friend to travel with as you were searching for someone to coupon with.  I went on three road trips alone as you were exploring the new supermarket in solitude.  As you were organizing a yard sale, I was servicing the community.  You decided to invest in a new refrigerator, I decided to invest in stocks.  You made a pledge to learn how to have date night with your husband on a regular basis, I made a pledge to learn a new language.  All of these things are outlined to say this, I don’t want your life, I want my life.  If God sees fit for my life to change with a husband and kids, then it will be.  When that day comes, my life will have as much meaning then as it does now.

SMOOCHES!

Since you left, every single post that I have composed has been dedicated to you and that will continue.  Last week, justice was delivered to the sad soul that took your life.  She fainted in court due to her sentencing, but she just doesn’t know that we all are walking around with a fainted spirit since the day she took your life for no good reason.  I see that waning of happiness every time I look upon the face of those who grew up around you or who were close to you.  I deal with that waning of spirit every single day.  Every time I write a dedication to you, tears fall, every prayer that send up for your family, tears come, every prayer that I send for the souls of those who value material possessions over human lives are lubricated with those tears due to waning happiness because you are gone.  I am thankful for the friendship that you gave me and I won’t ever take it for granted.  I carry you in my spirit even though sometimes the memories hurt like hell.  Your light is another reason why settling for anything but sheer happiness is unheard of.  I know you wouldn’t let me.  Rest in love and continue to watch out for us all up there.  

Dating Welfare

Greetings all!  Fall is upon us and it’s a wonderful thing.  Personally I love the visual of the foliage and watching all of the colors emerge from the summer green.  In the dating world for those of you who are attached, it means cooler temperatures which will prompt more indoor closeness.  That is always a wonderful thing but alas for we singles, it’s just another season where we will wonder exactly how many seasons that our dating status will remain the same?  LOL!  Hey you have to laugh to keep from crying.  Humor is a powerful balm.  With that being said, no matter the season or the occasion, the world of dating never ceases to amaze me.  Recently in the land of social media, the re-emergence of closed groups has inserted itself in the dating world and I’m unhappy to report that I think it has widened the gap of possibly being in a meaningful relationship more so than ever.  Please allow me to describe and elaborate on this mess.

A Grey Bearded Mess

There are two social media groups on Facebook which has brought up a multitude of ugly truths and harsh realities for the millennials who are still out there hoping to find the real thing.  The Facebook group for Bearded Men went viral so quickly that everyone and their mother was hip to its existence.  I mean the creation of the group is huge.  It made the Huffington Post for Christ’s sake.  The creator made the group to allow bearded men to share pics and grooming tips for their facial hair however women all over the world had such a presence in the group that the purpose has warped many times over and over again.  There has even been some talk about the group being turned into a dating site.  The entire group was supposed to be a closed group and it is in namesake, but virtually anyone who is already a member of the group can allow others inside to view all the posts and utter craziness as a result.  I didn’t ask to join but needless to say many of my Facebook friends thought my presence was necessary.  For me, I categorized the women who are members as to being one of the following:

  1. Nosy: Women who just want to be privy as to what is going on.
  2. Spectators: Women who just want to look at the gorgeous men who are actually in the group.
  3. Thirst Queens: Women who are in the group hoping to get their freak on.

For me, I am the first.  My ass is just nosy.  I don’t really care about beards so much that I fawn over a guy’s facial hair and I would never ever think to find my Prince Charming online.  Why?  Because I’m overly cautious, having been the baby girl of the family and been an aunt since I was 5 years old, I have heard just about every damn dating disaster that you can think of.  Also having been a citizen of Memphis for years, I believe that many disasters follow certain people because they leave themselves open to way too much.  Someone behind a damn computer screen could make up any facade known to man and make you swoon and wind up in a vulnerable state.  Don’t believe me?  Watch some of those cautionary tales on TVOne about women falling for the wrong guy and winding up as a news bulletin.  My intuition guides me and personally I cannot use my intuition to its fullest potential behind a damn social media app.  Come on now.  Share MenThirst Is Real

With me being the nosy group member that I am, I witnessed a lot of deplorable shit.  First and foremost, I witnessed a few men using some fake pictures of blog models to promote themselves.  Yes, the pictures were false and I know they were false because I follow a lot of style blogs because I love fashion and I know the models’ names and they just didn’t match to the participants posting their pictures.  Can you say catfish?  Secondly, I witnessed a lot of women who were doing the absolute most in a group that has well over 1 million members.  Things like posting their pictures in the group, why?  It’s for men with beards.  Also, there are over a million members in this group, do you think it’s wise to be posting your picture and personal information in this group?  Talk about making yourself a target! Then there’s the absolute worst, women virtually sending their coochie through social media.  What the hell?.  Have some pride.  Have some dignity.   But the thirst didn’t stop there.  They went from insinuating that beards are an aphrodisiac to straight up spelling the shit out with the second group which is labeled “Grey Sweatpants Matter”.  Now if you aren’t familiar with the grey sweatpants craze, I’ll just tell you, when a man who is well endowed in the southern region wears grey sweatpants, their endowment is easily visible.  Therefore women are objectifying men who wear such, especially if their package is worthy.

This sparks so much conversation and debate.  Now I am proud to say that it is a glorious day when men are objectified as much as women however by the same token, men and women are completely different so these men who post those pictures of their eggplants are perfectly fine with being objectified while in the past women weren’t always so fine with being reduced to nothing but sexual beings.  I digress.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am no Victorian, I am no angel and I have a dirty mind as well as a dirty mouth, but with that being said, it’s something I am….and that is a fucking lady.  I refuse to put myself out there being thirsty over the damn internet to get attention from a man regardless of what they may or may not look like.  Also, I refuse to get all hot and bothered about an appendage that hangs between a man’s legs nestled by some Wal-mart ass Hanes sweatpants.  It’s just not going to happen with yours truly and I’ll explain to you why.

Dating WelfareDating welfare

Dating Welfare: (n) is the phenomenon where single people have lowered their standards so drastically due to being single for prolonged periods of time that they are just about willing to do anything to get out of the slump including sacrificing their dignity and sense of propriety.

Yes, I created this term and I’ll tell you why I have coined this phrase.  During the term of FDR the US Welfare system was created and since then and many presidents later the government institution has received many different additions or subtractions.  During the 1960s there was the addendum entitled “man in the house” rules that denied families benefits if there was an able-bodied man in the house.  This sparked a lot of women to deny men and to deny the institution of marriage because they craved the stability of a government check instead.  Think about that.  On the other hand, women who valued the role of a steady and worthy father figure eventually weened themselves from the program and welcomed an able-bodied man to pick up the slack.  The entire welfare system has sparked so much debate and in turn stereotypes as well.  Some of those stereotypes are somewhat fathomable but very ugly and harmful also.  Think about it, welfare, or any other government entity where you depend on the government for any compensation opens you up to the following:

  1. You being given whatever the government sees fit.
  2. The government is all up in your business (“man in the house rules” , “tax restrictions to attain such benefits”)
  3. Limited resources to entities that promotes progress.

In other words, if you rely on the government for any damn thing, they are just going to give you whatever  THEY want to give you.  They are going to have other people all up in your damn business and going to do everything they possibly can to pigeonhole you to your current situation.  If the government gives you anything, it’s not to uplift you, it’s to keep you stagnant.  Dating welfare is the same.

Any man who you attain under the following circumstances is the equivalent to dating welfare:

  1. You throwing your vagina through social media due to a mere photo—- real men hunt, he who hunts, appreciates his prey.
  2. Not putting down any groundwork—- men should be required to do much more than text, Netflix and Chill, Firestick and Dick.

Just like the government is all in your business when they give you anything, you’re putting your business out there for 1 million group members when you’re being thirsty through a post is the same.  Also, if you allow a man to just do the bare minimum, that’s what you’re going to get, the bare minimum, just like damn welfare.  You are not going to get enough to buy a house in the suburbs, you’re not going to get enough to start your own business, you are not going to get enough to pay your child’s tuition, you are going to get just enough to get by.  Therefore men attained under of these circumstances quite frankly ain’t shit and won’t fulfill your emotional desires.  Trust me.  The women in our families who got themselves off of welfare are probably the ones who stood for something.  They are the women who realized that their present situation wasn’t their end all be all and made the men around them bring something to the house other than a stiff dick.  They made those men work and when those men worked, they were able to build together and even though they may have started out as an archetype of Florida Evans throughout progress and perseverance they worked towards becoming the Harriet Winslows and Claire Huxtables of the 1980s.  But here we are reverting back.  We aren’t bringing style, grace and poise to the table anymore and men are treating us accordingly.  Yes, I said it. Value

If you are a woman of grace, style, poise and dignity, you don’t have to beg.  There’s an art to being a woman.  There’s an artful way in letting a man know that you’re interested without being a damn thirst bucket.  There’s a way of asserting yourself by carrying yourself like Lena Horne all the while quoting Cardi B lyrics.  You see, when you are a woman of quality, the possibilities are endless, you can be wealthy in a multitude of ways and the man that attains such will reflect that.  But the man who is on the receiving end of entities where women are making spectacles of themselves will not yield desired dividends, those are the men who were content with only coming over at night and leaving before sunrise to make sure the woman kept those welfare benefits or in today’s age, the section 8 vouchers because truth be told, they aren’t going to bring shit to the table in the first place.

Hey.   It’s a sad truth, but someone had to say it.  Tonight I chose to put it out there.  There’s a difference between shooting your shot and being a damn thot.  When you’re publicly drooling queens, your crown is falling and when one queen’s crown is slipping the rest of us feel the pain.  We’ve got to do better and most importantly we’ve got to call each other out on our shit without getting on the defense and vow to make a change.

SMOOCHES!

Calling each other out on their shit is the basis of a great friendship.  I had that in my dear sweet friend EJ.  I miss you ole boy.  You used to tell me when I was wrong and supported me when I was right.  I want to keep doing right.  There’s a blessing in having friends that are male that you trust and through the trust that I had with you, I was able to value myself.  I thank you for that.  Rest on in love because you are loved and you represent love to me.  

My Tired is Not Your Tired

My tired is not equal to your tired,

My tired spans generations easily,

Yes, I complete all that is required,

And I do so without hesitation, happily.

 

You see my tired is insurmountable….

My tired spans back over 600 years ago in West Africa,

Maternally and paternally my family wept the same tears,

Kidnapped. Violated. Separated. Sold. Degraded…

Divided, only sharing anguish and a million fears.

 

A dreaded voyage, sails cast with constant pain,

Prayers strengthen my ancestors’ quest for life,

Determined, powerful despite everlasting strain.

My tired is a generational exhaustion…

 

Days on sugar plantations, were anything but sweet,

Rice farms were anything but all white,

Hours of toil, broken backs, aching feet,

Days began with longing, and they ended with fights.

When melanin-deprived ones suffer an injustice, their cries are heard,

We’ve been crying for over 600 years.

I hear those tears in 2017,

Those tears are steadily streaming…

Oral anecdotes that bonds my heritage has been christened with those tears.

My tired will forever out weight your tired,

My tired is paved with unfairness,

It was started with pure irrationality,

Perpetuated with sheer hate and it’s refueling, recursive, repetitive and sometimes infinite.

I see the tiredness in my dark eyes, the hue of dark cane molasses.

I feel it through every strand of thick, curly, lock of freedom.

Yes, my tiredness even pulsates through my hair,

The hair that society has been shunning for over half a millennium.

Massa said “cover it with a kerchief” and then our own black kings are unhappy no matter which style we choose to embrace.

 

My perils have survived Haitian revolts, Creole dissent and unrelenting colorism.

Peril, toil, hurt, pain all live inside of my tired.

You see when you ginger haired individuals are treated wrongly, you lose a few nights of sleep,

But my legacy, my ancestors have had insomnia for 600 years.

 

Stolen from our homes,

Breeds a psychological weariness,

Forced into bondage,

Causes a fearful restlessness,

Stripped of basic rights of your body,

Creates an animalistic exhaustion,

Forced to become overly aggressive,

Sparked a revolutionary uneasiness.

 

Over and over we are told what we should be,

Yet over and over we still struggle to truly be free.

 

Love the flag that was not meant for you,

Fight for a country, that won’t fight for you.

Become educated, become something greater,

Be nonviolent because what good is killing a hater?

Yet still, through all of this you are not, quite… it,

Even though your ancestors stood just so you can sit.

 

You see, you can never be tired like me,

But I’m going ride this tired out, flawlessly.

 

I don’t have a choice,

James gave me the hustle,

Sadie gave me the muscle.

My tiredness awakens each day with a whisper,

“Education is the key”

I hit the ground running, relentlessly.

 

Staring in the mirror, I see them staring back at me.

Maternally, a school teacher, a mid-wife, a family passed from Africa to Haiti, to Louisiana and finally Tennessee,

They took the brunt of the tired and pass the remnants to me.

Paternally, I hear a bootlegger, a school teacher, a cook, farmers who once were revolutionaries of Caribbean lands traveling, always searching for freedom, who strategized to relinquish their exhaustion, as a legacy for me.

The blood that runs through my veins is lubricated with fatigue,

So please cry me a river when things don’t go your way.

Privilege… what’s that?

I persevere.

Acceptance? No. Rebellion represents me.

So just know that throughout all of my tiredness,

Generations after generations, through 600 years and multiple continents maternally and paternally.

This inherited tired has create one bad muthafucker and don’t you forget it.

SMOOCHES!

Friendship is a gift.  As time passes on, I appreciate all of my friends for specific things that they bring to my life.  My dear, sweet friend EJ, you brought insurmountable laughter and guidance to my life and I miss you for 100,000 reasons and the laughter is one of the biggest reasons.  I know you are smiling up there, laughing up a storm because you represented pure joy.  Thinking of you brings me joy.  Despite the fact that I miss you so very much.  Rest in love brother.  

Regal Plight

Regal Plight

“Mr. and Mrs. Grandberry, she’s already reading and only five,”

“Way to go Kay, you’re so smart, the smartest girl alive.”

“Ashley you’ve read five books today, your peers only two,”

“Don’t be boastful, that isn’t the polite thing to do.”

“Ashley what’s wrong, did you have fun today?”

“No mommy, I don’t like feeling this way.”

“I read five books, she only read a stupid two,

“It’s not fair, I wanted to help with the book fair too.”

“I got it Sadie, I’ll talk to her, leave it to me,”

“You’re six years old now, it’s time I make you see.”

See, what, what is Papi talking about now?

“You’re different than others, I’ll show you how.

“What do you see when you look, look here,”

I don’t understand Papi, please be clear.

“You see you are smart, you’re my ashcake”,

“But this information is for your own sake.”

“Smart, but you’ll grow into a black woman,

“You’ll carry the brunt of humanity, the brunt of man.”

“I have to work twice as hard to even get by,”

“You’ll have to work thrice as hard, here’s why.

“We live in a world where equality is always a fight,”

“You heard me, from now you’ll be trying to get that right.”

“See that girl is perceived as great just because she’s white,”

“I know baby, I know it’s simply not right.”

“I’m not giving you an excuse, that is not my intent,”

“Trust me this lesson will become your heaven sent.”

“So you stay the course, pray and always work hard,”

“I’m giving you the game, not a race card.”

“Alright, I got it, I’ll do as you say,”

“Ill make a way even when there is no way.”

“Grandpa says that’s what he did after World War II,”

“Thanks for telling me what I must do.”

“Ashley, you’re so smart, but watch that mouth,”

“Wow! Such worldliness from a girl from the South.”

“You’re so pretty, very pretty for such dark skin,”

“Exactly where did you got to school again?”

“Did you do well, among people like that?”

“What exactly do you mean by “people like that?”

“I mean it should’ve been difficult, very hard for you,”

“No…. My Papi taught me what I had to do.”

“Ashley you’re so strong, but dial it back some, “

“Don’t be so serious, learn to have fun.”

“Wow girl you wore that, dancing in the streets,”

“A true lady wouldn’t do such, they’d be more discreet.”

“Hey baby, I love just how popping you are,”

“But you’re bougie baby, your lifestyle, attitude so far.”

“Why can’t we kick it, just because I make less?”

“Naw, it’s because I don’t settle for mess.”

“Why aren’t you married yet, you’re getting old,”

“Because I refuse to settle, as I was simply told.”

“Papi told me I had to be thrice as expected,”

“And because of such, settling isn’t respected.”

“So yes I am strong, because I know when to be weak,”

“Yes, I exude intelligence whenever I speak.”

“My niece should be degreed, because I have two.”

“And on my way to three like I must do.”

“White America sees me as a broodmare, whenever I walk by,”

“And pass judgment on me before I even say hi.”

“Refuge doesn’t even exist from my fellow black men,”

“They rate me on my hair, my shape and even my skin.”

“You see my refuge is only in my abilities,

“Because with them I created beautiful possibilities.”

“I know all aren’t the same, I believe some are true,”

“Regardless, I know just what I must do.”

“Most will judge me, good, bad, it matters none,”

“Because they can’t take away the work that I’ve done.”

“So yes, I represent Nubian strength, education too,”

“Southern twang, African love, pride of my hue.”

“Perceived as bougie, because my standards are high,”

“And I refuse to let life’s adventures pass me by.”

“I’ll keep thriving and shining, as you should aspire to,”

“Regardless of the strife, I know just what to do.”

SMOOCHES

To my dear sweet friend EJ, I miss you old boy. Today I texted with KeKe, Erikis made the honor roll, I know you are so proud. I am too. I’ll see her tomorrow at the fair and give her a present and remind her that although the black woman’s plight is heavy she can wear the load as well as the crown that you gave her as her father. Keep watching over her and leading the way. Keep an eye out for me too… my crown is still steady but sometimes my regal gown is stained with tears because things are hard although I refuse to give up.

Build Only to Be Broken

Greetings all!  Fall is upon us and I don’t know about you but I am looking forward to some Pumpkin Spice everything, cool weather and college football.  But what I am not looking forward to is a fall without Power and Insecure.  It’s a shame, the end of summer brings an end to some awesome shows.  My last couple of blog posts used Insecure episodes to highlight some of the things that are going on in the dating world and this post won’t deviate.  Today I want to reflect on the notion of how Black women are expected to build up the black man only to take the risk of probably being broken down by that same man in the future.

Love is a many splintered thing.  For someone who has been burned a couple of times I can tell you taking the plunge is still a very scary thing for me.  Because I want to be with someone whom I can trust.  You cannot love someone that you don’t trust and being able to trust someone requires a great deal of vulnerability on the behalf of both parties.  However when you bring a lot to the table, you’re overly cautious about whom you will allow to sit at said table, especially if that guest doesn’t bring the same.  The previous generations, or the generations who raised we millennials don’t always understand that a lot of us just aren’t willing to risk it all for someone who has nothing because there’s a lot that stands to be lost here.  Things such as your financial stability, your sanity, and your dignity.

For instance, my mother is from the baby boomer generation and so was my father and there was nothing wrong with her building up my father after his divorce from his first wife because he was a man who wanted to build again.  He offered love and support and they were able to merge whatever they had together because it was understood that he’d be good to her and she would the same because they were in it for the long haul.  In turn, they had a Brady Bunch type of thing for well over 30 years and until he took his dying breath, he loved my mother, he said it when necessary and showed it every single day.  I am an embodiment of such.  We have famous examples of similar situations like Samuel L. Jackson and his wife, Tonya, who helped him through his addiction and I wholeheartedly believe that he would never walk out on her.  We have Denzel and Pauletta and even Barack and Michelle for Christ’s sake but things just aren’t like that with our generation anymore.

Now don’t get me wrong, after watching Black Love on OWN last week, we were reminded that Tia Mowry risked a lot to be with Cory Hardrict because he didn’t have much and they are an awesome couple but I’m telling you for every one of them, there are about four Kevin Hart and Torrei type situations.  We have cautionary tale after tale about how we are expected to be ride or die and soon as they get on, they ride the hell out of our lives leaving us broken while they are all the more stronger from our influence.  But this entire narrative has been written for years.  We have so many expectations attached to our very existence that screams for us to put up with a lot in order to get a little reciprocity in the long run.  Allow me to elaborate.

Black Girl Magic vs. White Girl Mantra

Going to a PWI has allowed me to see a lot and understand plenty as it pertains to different cultures.  Not to mention, my family is one that has allowed me to embrace a lot of differences, I am grateful to them for that.  But let’s face it, we are taught completely different things as young women and it’s taken a different toll on our lives.  White women are taught that a man should simply have their shit together while in pursuit. That’s why most white girls meet their mate in college and stick to his ass like glue so when he gets that architect job with that six figure salary two years after graduation, they will reap the benefits of such.  They will follow him to whatever city he’s going to work in and pretty soon they will receive a beautiful diamond engagement ring.  Let’s talk about the ring, the ring is always beautiful, they are taught that the stone had better be worthy of their existence or else he’s not ready to marry her at all.  White girls are taught that they can have a career as well, but that man had better be a breadwinner or else he’s not marriage material.  They are to work together as a team in order to achieve a certain goal.  He’s the quarterback, she’s the receiver.  That’s it.

We are taught differently.  We are taught to be strong.  We are taught to be educated, work hard, love yourself, get a great job but when faced with love, we’re a bitch if we demand that that man has his shit together.  He’s a work in progress sis, ain’t nothing wrong with that.  You’re supposed to help him.  So what, you have your own apartment and he still lives with his mother, help him, let him stay with you.  So what, he has a baby mama, she ain’t made from the same stock as you, ignore her and help him take care of the child.  So what, you make 98,000 a year and he’s barely clearing 50,000, work with him sis.  So what, he cheated a couple of times, black men aren’t built for monogamy, we’re descended from Solomon.  So what, you’ve worked 55 hours this week, he’s trying to work on his small business you should come home and still help him with his books and make sure he has food on the table.  So what, he gave you a cloudy, ugly cluster ass engagement ring, it’s still a ring, you’re getting married sis, he asked, so stop tripping.  So what, y’all been engaged for over two years, just be patient.  In our narrative, it isn’t team work, it’s modern day slavery again.  You are the house wench, field hand and broodmare all rolled into one and he’s the master.  He can do as he pleases and you do all of the work and smile like a jackass just because he’s there. Generational Black Girl Magic

The Fall-Out, The Outcome

Statistics show that there are an alarming rate of black women, especially professional black women who have never been married, about 42%, damn near half and we’re still out there trying to discover what’s the issue.  While on the other hand if you find a 35 year old white woman who has never been married, that’s the equivalent of finding a genuine Louis Vuitton at a flea market, very, very rare.  The white women are married off and we’re still dealing with the fall out of mass incarceration, ghetto mentality and systematic oppression.  But putting all of those things aside, with the available black men that are left we are held to damn near impossible standards which were highlighted in last night’s Insecure.  Lawrence had the nerve to call Issa a “hoe”.  Now don’t get me wrong Issa shouldn’t have cheated on him but as Derrick told him in a previous episode, he needed to look at himself a bit.  For five years that woman put up with him, paid the bills, went to work day in and day out as he sat his depressed, needed a shave ass on the couch and ate cereal and didn’t even have the initiative to offer grade A sex when she got home.  I’m like bruh, you been at home all damn day at least you could deliver the dick.  LOL!  He didn’t even do that.  All the while she’s had one indiscretion, you’re passing out the H card?  Really?

Work In progress

As black women we are expected to be chaste, educated, beautiful (although being held to an impossible standard of beauty by virtually every damn demographic), work hard, be successful, fertile and giving all the while putting up with your lack of education, drive, ambition just to build YOU up.  We’re expected to fix all of your faults, to be a mom, kama sutra, pastor and counselor rolled into one in order to help you to reach your full potential.  Consequently we’re told not to trip if you can’t rise to the occasion, or simply refuse to do something with your life.  Then if the inevitable happens and you leave us after you’ve become a shining example due to our pouring into you, we’re supposed to remain calm and play nice with our fucking replacement who gets to reap the benefits that we cultivated.  Okay…..  Yeah, fuck that shit…..  I am NOT doing it.

**drops mic**

SMOOCHES!

Last Sunday, my dear sweet friend EJ would’ve been 32, that makes two birthdays that we didn’t get a chance to celebrate.  I know you’re celebrating in heaven old boy.  I miss you and I still cherish our friendship.  Especially on days when the opposite sex is so damn challenging for no real reason.  With our friendship, you loved me unconditionally no matter what.  If more people loved their lovers as they were their friends, life would be much easier.  I miss you more than words can express and I pray you’re celebrating in Heaven because although cut down short, your life is always a cause for celebration.  Rest on dear sweet friend. 

Which Molly Are You?

Greetings all!  I certainly hope that things have been going well for all of you.  In addition, I hope that you enjoyed my last blog post  where I spoke about how society normalizes behavior that is far from normal or even healthy in many aspects. Today’s post somewhat goes deeper into deviant behavior that is not exactly praised but highlighted in our culture, mainly popular and addictive television shows.  It deserves exploration because it is definitely art reflecting reality.  Part of the reasons these shows are so addictive is because it represents a lot of real shit.

Molly and Issa Dancing

Last week, we discussed how the characters in Insecure represented a couple of society’s ills and I still would like to explore this addictive comedy to validate my thinking however I will only reflect on Ms. Molly with today’s post by asking the question, which Molly are you?Molly in White

First off, let me say, if you aren’t watching Insecure, you are losing.  I am forever grateful for the two men who turned me onto the series last year and it will go down as one of my all-time favorites.  Issa Rae is the bomb and “Issa” is a hot mess that I absolutely adore. Coming from a hot mess who’s wrapped in a blessing, I know exactly what I am talking about.  LOL!  If you do watch the series, you probably saw the latest episode where Molly completed the ultimate no, no….. She had sex with a married man!  Willingly…. He didn’t hide his ring or try to say that his marriage was crumbling, she willingly had sex with a married man.  We all heard that can of worms opening and gasped through that passionate sex scene.

Girl…. Really?  In all fairness, let’s explore Molly’s character and what she represents.  I like to categorize Molly using a trinity, three ways to sum up her character thus far. There’s the Molly from season 1, “the sexually expressive”, hey it sounds much better than hoe.  Then there’s the Molly from the beginning of this season, “the smart Molly” and lastly, thus revealed from last Sunday night, “the hella stupid Molly” who went against her better judgment and you could even see it in the love scene, there was hella apprehension on her face about what the hell she was doing, even though she was enjoying it.  Why is being naughty sometimes sooooo good?

Molly #1, The Sexually Expressive

Last season Molly was all over the place in the dating game.  She had like three dating apps that she was using in order to meet men and she and Issa were trolling clubs looking to “run into” Daniel on Issa’s behalf.  The entire first episode of Season 1 where Issa rapped “Broken Pussy” may have been the springboard to send poor Molly into a downward spiral of sexual exploration with numerous men.  In fact, the last episode of the first season ended with Molly bedding a man-child who was so out of sorts with the entire notion of a one-night stand that the poor dear asked should he turn on some music and could barely get his pants down to his ankles before Molly was on him like white on rice.  Molly and LS Dude

Are you that Molly?  The Molly who used sex to prove that she had some kind of control over her life, especially when she and Issa had a disagreement about how none of the guys she picks are good enough.  Issa made a valid point last season when she said that Molly had impossible standards that she held to each of the hopefuls that she dated.  But it seemed as though Molly was very misguided during season one as many of us are when we’re jumping in and out of bed with random guys for whatever reason.  Thank God she’s smart enough not to let anything damaging happen like getting knocked up or getting an STD despite the fact that we haven’t witnessed many condom wrappers in the series.  We will assume that such an educated and independent woman has the good sense and smart fortune to invest in Trojans.  The lesson that we could all stand to learn from “The sexually expressive Molly” is that she was no more fulfilled with each encounter than when she started with the numerous bedfellows that she’s shared with.  Sex cannot fulfill us unless it’s with someone special.  It’s not brain surgery, we all know this.  Don’t go looking for a meaningful relationship through animalistic encounters.Molly and Issa Mad

Molly #2 The Smart Girl

As season two of Insecure began we all got a chance to see a more focused and intelligent Molly who had an agenda of advancement in the workplace and accepting responsibility for her actions by attending therapy to work out her issues.  We were all rooting for this Molly because it seemed as though Issa was starting to lose her damn mind a bit and we all know that it’s not healthy when both besties are screwed up, someone has to have their shit together or else the entire situation will go down in flames.  We can all remember a time when we were a hot mess and our gal pal was a fucking mess too and next thing you know you were in need for reinforcements.  No one wants that.  Even though it makes for good television, deep down inside we’re looking at entertainment for some truth and guidance when the world is just too much.  Right now we’re living in Trump’s country so we all need a release as much as possible.  The momentum with this Molly was building as she was branching out to colleagues in Chicago and helping Issa to move on but lo and behold before we knew it, familial ties and nostalgic relationships from high school blew that progress to shit.  I’ve always said that going down memory lane is a tricky trip that if you’re not careful can lead you towards some bad ass decisions.  What we could all learn from this Molly is to stay smart and don’t let other’s bad judgment like Dro’s open marriage deter us from building on the progress started.  Never take four steps up and then allow someone else to knock you two steps backwards, willingly.

Molly #3 Hella Stupid

Molly and DroCome on, we all knew that she was going to let Dro get some eventually.  Come on, her latest date was hella dry, hella boring and she wasn’t feeling him at all.  Not to mention Dro is hella sexy and he knows her, a lot of the guess work is already complete here.  We could see that Molly was feeling Dro.  But one does wonder just why was she feeling him?  Was she feeling him because he represented her childhood or was it because he was already taken by someone else?  As much as I hate to admit it, there is a devilish allure to a man who’s doing right by another black woman.  It’s a sad truth.  We all have looked at a married man who’s taking care of home and gotten a little moist at his presence because we want the same.

But the smart woman dismisses those ideas especially if he’s coming on to you.  Because when you act on such you’re becoming a cliche and a home wrecker at that.  No one wants to be a side piece.  It doesn’t even sound appealing.  We’re all sitting back and waiting to see what we can learn from this Molly but I’m quite sure this lesson will be a hard lesson learned because I cannot see how this will turn out well.  But who knows?  The only thing I can tell you is that I’ve never heard of a happy result after having sex with a married individual.  Sometimes I wonder if the encounter is even worth it.  We saw how Dro was putting in work on Molly but through her orgasmic facial expressions there was hella apprehension and contemplation on her face all because she knows that it’s wrong and she knows the fall out is bound to be terrible.  Also Molly was being hella hypocritical for even sleeping with Dro in the first place after getting mad that her father didn’t live up to her romanticized version of the ideal husband, after stepping out on her mom.  This is the classic conundrum though.  You get mad at someone for doing something stupid and then you go out and do something stupid as well.  Hmmmm….. I guess we’ll all be watching tonight and for the remainder of the season to see what happens when hella stupid Molly has to live with what she’s done.

Which Molly are you right now?  Are you sexually expressive and using such actions to navigate through life?  If so, be responsible and just know it’ll probably pass.  Are you the smart Molly?  If so, stay that way.  Continue to progress in that direction and don’t let any devil invade your space and sway you from that way?  And if you’re the hella stupid Molly, do everything you possibly can not to stay that way for too long.

Today is a special day.  Today is the birthday of my best friend to whom I pay tribute to in every single blog post.  My dear, dear friend EJ.  He would’ve been 32 on today.  Last year we lost him before his 31st birthday and each day has been a struggle for all of us to deal with his loss.  For me it’s difficult because he was one of those few friends that I had that never judged my diversity, he embraced it.  He understood that I was different and he never ever tried to get me to conform to the box that so many wanted to shove me into.  It’s rare that a father has a best friend, and then his daughter becomes best friends with his son, but I did.  With that I feel blessed and I feel a deep sense of responsibility.  Because of such, know that as long as there is breath in my body and I have means to do so, your family will always have me.  Rest in love brother, I hope you’ve had a great celebration in heaven and tell Papi I said be good. 

SMOOCHES!

 

The Masses are a Mess and it’s making Society Sick….Are you ill or well?

Society

Greetings all!  I pray that your summer is winding down to being a season of revelations, fun and accomplishments.  It has certainly been such for me.  I’ve gotten my pain in the ass older brother married and off of my hands, I’ve been working hard in my role for the advancement of education here in Memphis and most importantly I ticked off a coveted event from my bucket list earlier this month by attending and participating in the Caribana celebration in Toronto, Canada.  The entire experience was both liberating and powerful.  It prompted me to write a poem, entitled “Black” which I posted on this very blog so check it out in my previous post if you have the desire.  That event was positive however now I want to reflect on some of the negative things that are going on in our society.

If you think about things that go on in the world, you may have come to the realization a time or two that history is known to be repetitive at times.  Often more than a few times.  Biblically we’ve read about how God continued to bail out his people over and over again and if you are a history buff like me you’ve noticed that this nation has the tendency to get complacent and wind up in similar situations as time goes on.  Today I want to focus on how our complacencies with the status quo in relationships has caused some psychological issues within society that has warped our perspective upon dealing with the opposite sex.

One thing that is a constant, pleasant staple here in America is good entertainment.  No matter what is going on in the world, we can count on having something great to watch on television and now for two seasons we’ve had a show that I adore by the name of Insecure which airs on HBO.  I believe that it is one of the best shows that has ever graced our television screens.  Insecure is a black show that is filled with a lot of the real world issues that professional black women and women in general face when it comes to love, dating and relationships.  Therefore because the show is so real, it has become highly relevant and because it is relevant the events of the show solidify my points in this very post.

Society is known to sometimes “accept” things that just aren’t right nor are they healthy.  Many things that we know are morally wrong are often normalized by the masses or the majority.  Think about it.  It was a time when blacks and people of color couldn’t even mingle with white people, that was a practice that was carried on my the masses.  There was a time when women weren’t allowed to even vote.  That was an act carried on by the masses at that time.  Was it right?  No.  Morally we know that many things are wrong and here we are embracing acts in relationships where we know the shit ain’t right which will cause a lot of issues.  Personally I think there are some normal practices in relationships that I regard as mental issues and disorders but we tend to sweep them under the rug because they are “normal” just because they occur regularly.  But just because something goes on regularly or society normalizes it doesn’t mean that it’s healthy, oftentimes it’s probably harmful.  So let’s explore a few things that have been highlighted in Insecure that I deem as ill to relationships by normalizing them.

Illness #1 “Being a hoe”

IssaThis whole phenomenon of normalizing “being a hoe” is comical and scary at the same time.  Now I do realize that Insecure is fiction.  But great fiction is built from reality and truth be told that a lot of us think it’s perfectly fine with calculating a period in our lives for being a hoe.  Usually it’s supposed to be after you’re healing from a gut wrenching break up like both Issa and Lawrence are going through on the show.  During one of the beginning episodes of this season after Issa came to the realization that Lawrence wasn’t coming back for reconciliation, she asked her BFF Molly could she teach her to be a “hoe”.  Wow.  Imagine if there was a class for that.  Molly fired back with “that’s disrespectful…..but yeah, I can.” The simple fact that Molly prefaced the response with “that’s disrespectful” is a clear admission that this entire “being a hoe” phase may not be the best approach towards getting over Lawrence.  Obviously Issa hadn’t been out there in quite some time and she needs a tutorial on how to be bad, however being out there in the first place is what got her in the cheating predicament.

Let’s go deeper.  Saturday’s episode highlights Issa out with her girls and she runs into the man that she cheated on Lawrence on with in addition, she winds up rejected by a superficial possible hook up with some guy from a dating app.  Again, she’s participating in unhealthy behaviors that are adding to her insecurities.  Insecurities don’t make us weak, they make us human but as time goes on you should try and fix your issues not add to them.   These unhealthy “hoe” behaviors aren’t just detrimental to women, they can be bad all around.  After some naughty behavior with two white strangers that Lawrence met at the grocery store he can be found sitting outside of Issa’s apartment building obviously contemplating on the state of his life.  I think that Lawrence is really not cut out for this hoeish male lifestyle that’s being encouraged by his friend Chad because since he’s left Issa he is definitely anything but happy and in turn he’s hurting others (Tasha) and himself.  Lastly, there’s the idea of the “open marriage” dynamic being introduced through Molly’s childhood friend, Dro.  Even Molly who in the past has had some questionable “hoe behavior” knows that his set up with his wife is unhealthy.

Illness #2 “Threesomes are normal”

Threesomes alone have been very controversial for me for quite some time because of two reasons.  Number 1, I believe in equality and number 2 because I am territorial and what is mine, is mine and no one else.  I am one of the most loyal lovers out there and when I had a cut buddy I was even loyal to him because I don’t believe in being out there like that.  The sheer notion of watching another woman touching my man regardless if I’m involved or not is a psychological event that would be nothing short of trauma for me.  My man is my man and I don’t want anyone else having anything to do with him in a physical manner, well when I have a man. LOL!  I imagine that I’m not the only other woman out there who feels that way and personally I don’t want to sleep with a woman, I like men.  Therefore I don’t think it’s normal nor is it healthy to normalize threesomes because oftentimes it opens up a can of worms that bite at different wounds. Lawrence and Beckies

However there is a hilarious quality to the concept.  Which occurred in the last episode of Insecure when Lawrence pissed both female participants in the tryst off when he couldn’t deliver pleasure to both ladies.  The entire scene mirrored what I told an ex-boyfriend when he continued to ask me could we do something similar.  First of all, he didn’t always deliver an orgasm to yours truly and now you want to bring another woman into our bed? No way!  Hell no and after he kept bringing up the proposition, I fired with the following.  “Ni$$a you’re 50% from the field in your stats with pleasuring me, what you gone do? Piss both of us off?” Needless to say he was mad as fuck when I let out that tidbit of information but it shut the conversation of the possibility down and he started to pay a tad bit more attention to yours truly in the bedroom, over time his average rose but I rose out of the relationship when his curiosity continued.  His ass ain’t happy now in his current relationship which brings me to this realization, if men would focus on loving the woman that they are with in multiple ways regularly, a threesome wouldn’t even be on their radar.  Lawrence represents what I knew would occur if I had participated in such with my ex which should be an eye opener for a lot of men out there.  Focus on your strengths and continue to build them.  Satisfy one and make it a consistent practice.  Lawrence Bed

I’m not condemning those who like it, if you can handle it without feeling isolated, horribly influenced, jealous and insecure do what you do but truth be told, it’s not normal and for many, it’s not healthy either.  How many times have we heard that the girlfriend loses her man to the woman who was the guest star in their love scene?

Jay-Z recently said on 4:44 “What good is a menage -a-trois, when you have a soulmate” and truth be told he’s right.  I guess maturity does come with age in HOV’s case.  I mean he’s got the baddest chick in the game on his arm, why would he even be interested in another chick in the scenario?  But your girl should be your Beyonce and you should treat her as such, if you aren’t, then either she or you needs to be checked.

Getting to Wellness….

Instead of being a hoe after a break out, try the following:

  1. Learn a new language
  2. Start a blog
  3. Take a cooking class
  4. Go traveling
  5. Read more
  6. Start a book club
  7. Volunteer with a worthy cause
  8. Seek a therapist to work on your issues.

Everyone handles things differently but consciously being a hoe regardless of your sex can lead to issues like low self-esteem, lack of fulfillment and deeper insecurities.  God forbid if you forget to use contraception like a lot of the characters in Insecure and you wind up with a disease or an unwanted pregnancy in real life because Issa and Lawrence are fictional representations of what could happen if you are irresponsible after a breakup.  Truthfully, I believe that both Issa and Lawrence should both get over themselves and get back together because it’s obvious that they still want each other.  But perhaps it will take time and deeper thought about the situation before they wind up making it back to one another.  I just hope they don’t make any more bad decisions that prove to be detrimental.  Perhaps that’s how we’ll get better as a nation as well, we should take time out and think about things before we just decide to go along with the masses.  Because what the majority are doing isn’t always the best for your well-being.

SMOOCHES!

As I reflect regularly on all of the relationship blunders and lessons that I’ve learned, I’m so glad that I have been blessed with some influential friendships.  Especially the friendship that I shared with my dear friend EJ whom I lost and I dedicate each blog to.  He was a man who did what he had to do despite the masses and his influence will forever be great upon the choices that I make.  I miss you dearly old boy.  Rest in peace and eternal love, because I will always love you and cherish your memory.  

My Black Magic

Ashley Carnival

My blackness is…

Bold,

Outrageous,

Loud,

Relentless,

Unexplainable at times.  

You see Melanin courses through my skin as a gradual release cap of youth and vitality,

Equipping me with an exterior that defies gravity and reality.

My eyes, darkened with the shadows of pain and disappointment while lightened with the possibility of progress and excellence,

Filled with honor and promise, setting their sights on definite prominence.

My scalp produces curls softened by the oils plucked from Earth’s nectar and her roots,

Curls that are a regal crown, covering my desires, my wishes, my truth.

Lips are accentuated with the sensual and luscious texture of Caribbean fruit…. Millions divest thousands to replicate the pout that I was blessed with.  

My cheekbones need no contour, they rest as high as the Himalayas, with a smile so powerful that Kilimanjaro becomes a verb, no longer a noun.

Of course my blackness is a threat.

That much natural beauty is sheer power.

I am dark.  I am light.

I am brown.  I am the light.

What is silicone?  Such an atrocity has never befallen upon my bust, this creation…. With the same hue as Serengeti dust.  Pugnacious they are, protruding mounds of nourishment.  Silicone?  Blasphemous.  Mother Nature gave me these.

My hips, stability agents of my womb…. My fertile valley, the gateway and portal of tomorrow’s Nefertiti and Seti.  Age is no restriction.  Four decades had passed when my paternal grandmother continued her legacy.  Only hearing the whispers of Ashanti, Ala and Bast to guide her womb.  

No wonder our blackness is a threat.  

That much fertility is infinite power.  

Magical hair, skin, lips, bust, hips, womb… descendants that you couldn’t annihilate, eliminate, exterminate from this earth.

Descendants of the original people, daughters and sons of the ultimate Mother.

Goddesses and Kings who created your mathematics, military strategies, artistic standards and religion.

Of course our blackness is a concern.

That much knowledge is definite power.

I am black….

I am African-American….

I am country….

I am Creole…

I am Caribbean…

Black is African.

Black is African-American.

Black is Latin.

Black is West Indian.

Black is Caribbean.

Black is Creole.

Black is Aboriginal.

Black is British.

Black is French.

Black is Spanish.

Black is Black.

Black is Resilient.  Black is Resistant.

Black is Stubborn.  Black is Strong-Willed.

Black is Forceful.  Black is Sovereign.

Black is Gifted.  Black is Educated.

Black is Limitless.  You cannot destroy us.

No wonder you are afraid.

Despite your hate, we love.

Despite your anger, we smile.

Despite your persecution, we persevere.

Despite your denial, we progress.

Despite your barriers, we build.

Despite your religion, we worship.

Despite your distrust, we believe.

My blackness…..a blessing, a gift for me.

My blackness…..a threat to mine enemy.

My blackness…..an honor bestowed by God.

My blackness…..an heirloom of Mother Africa.

My blackness…..a beauty to a friend.

My blackness…..a treasure to my family.

My blackness…..an understanding to God’s children.

My blackness…..an aphrodisiac to my lover.

Blackness. Bold. Loud. Incredible. Relentless. Powerful.  Magical.

 

SMOOCHES!

My Black Magic has been brewing for years and it has been cultivated by my relationships with many influential people, including my dear friend EJ to whom I’ve dedicated each post since his untimely passing.  His friendship made me proud, it made me strong, it made me grateful.  His guidance often came to me through tough times.  Times when others didn’t understand me and sought to tear me down, he understood me and urged me to only be me, once he said to me “Ashley fuck these people who talk shit about you, they think they know you, but they only know of you.  They don’t know you like the people who care for you.” That piece of advice is something that I will treasure always, it gave me the courage to shun other’s negativity.  Rest in Love brother.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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