Greetings all! I hope that November has been great for you all. I pray that your lives are filled with great anticipation and expectations for the upcoming holiday season and that you’re on the verge of planning some spectacular fall fun. I absolutely love the fall. It’s my favorite season because the leaves remind us how beautiful things can be. With that notion of beauty, I took the advice of my fitness instructor, who has a beautiful outlook on life. She’s in love, and being around her, love radiates with everything she does, even when she’s trying to kill her students with weighted drills. My fitness instructor encouraged me to join Match.com. Now mind you, I was skeptical. Of course, I was skeptical. If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you know that I’ve had some dating troubles. But I could get with her optimism because even though I’ve been unlucky in love, I try to be optimistic and grateful that things aren’t worse. By worse, I mean I could be emotionally tied to someone emotionally unavailable. I could have a child with someone I loathe or be in a physically abusive situation. I am grateful for all of the bad things that haven’t happened to me.
Other than the fact that I’m alone, I have a really great life. I have a career that I care about, I have a healthy family, I have some great friends, I travel frequently, and I laugh regularly. The only thing missing is a love life. So, I took my fitness instructor’s advice and tried Match. What the hell? If all else fails, I’ll have some great material for my readers and things to tell my friends at parties. Well readers, do you think I’ve had a positive or negative experience? ****drumroll please****
The Top 10 Things I’ve Discovered Using Match.com
10. Many people are delusional about what they really look like.
Match allows you to categorize your body type, and some of the categories consist of the following: Curvy, a few extra pounds, slim/slender, or fit. I’m sure I missed a couple, but these are the major buckets. I chose the curvy moniker because it’s true, I am curvy; I have the boobs, hips, and thighs to prove it. I also chose more than 10 pictures to add to my profile. I did that because I want possible suitors to know exactly what they’re getting. I’m big on reciprocity and true representation. I’ve always believed that women are usually harder on themselves than men will ever be, and Match.com proved that my belief is correct. I was matched with a guy who kept pressuring me to send him photos because he claimed he could only see me from the waist up on my 10 photos. Red Flag Alert. You should never send photos to anyone you barely know. So I expressed that and told him that we should meet somewhere instead. He agreed to the meeting. Well, I have to report to you, that instead of him being so concerned about my body, I should’ve been more concerned about his. His photos missed about thirty pounds of what I saw in person, usually, the camera adds pounds which lets me know that those photos had been taken a time ago, man boobies weren’t displayed on Match.com at all.
9. If you ever thought “most men are obsessed with sex”, take that thought and hold onto it tight. You are NOT wrong.
I cannot tell you how many times virtual strangers offered me massages, cunnilingus, and sexual intercourse. You’d think that sort of behavior was limited to Bumble or Tinder, but Match.com has its share of perverts as well. I am NOT that girl. That’s the quickest way to be a memory to me. What is wrong with you people?
8. An accomplished woman is immediately subjected to scrutiny.
The following happened when men discovered that I have a graduate degree, written three books, and a leadership position in education: (1) Being asked numerous times, “Do you think that your focus on your career has caused you to neglect your love life?” (2) Go on a date with someone, they walk you to your car, and then their facial expression sours at the sight of the Audi I drive. (3) The conversation becomes less frequent and drier when they learn about your accomplishments… then they ghost you altogether. Le sigh…
7. You should disregard your preferences.
Even the actual Match.com app wants you to settle. My preferences include wanting someone who wants a commitment and someone who wants to have children. Match.com frequently sends me profiles of men who don’t want something serious and those who don’t want children. Then there are the men who “like” you and are aware of your preferences that clearly contradict with theirs. So when you reject their “like” they continue to message you because “you’re just so sexy.” What the hell? Just because you give me some attention, I’m supposed to swoon and disregard what I want.
6. Asking a woman out, “What’s that?”
Matches would rather chat with you for weeks than actually meet with you. I almost always suggested meetings. However, the ones who want to have sex have no problem with dropping an address or even asking “Could they come over?” Who raised y’all?
5. No profile picture
Moving right along.
4. Your ex is on Match.com and has the nerve to send you a like.
GO. TO. HELL
3. Long distances seem to be the thing.
Again, Match.com tries to get me to disregard my preferences. I select a 40-mile range, and yet they allow people all over the damn country to see my profile. This makes my spidey senses tingle for a multitude of reasons. It’s hard enough trying to determine if a local man has genuine intentions, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to wreck my brain about someone in Damascus, AR. By the way, where the hell is Damascus, AR?
2. The gangbangers we knew in our 20s are now 40.
What grown-ass man is throwing up gang signs on a dating profile photo? What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
And finally, #1. Prisoners have Match.com on their phones too.
Yeah, I don’t need to say much, except I know a prison photo when I see it.
Well friends, my time with this post is ending and I’m happy to say my three months with Match.com is ending and I am so glad. I am still single, I still have no prospects, and I’m still going to enjoy the life I have. Even though my experience wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be, I am thankful just in time for Thanksgiving. I am thankful for this list of ten. (1) My health (2) My family and friends (3) My creativity (4) My discernment—It’s unmatched (5) My relationship with God. (6) My sense of wonder (7) My love for myself (8) I’ve written three books bitch (9) I’m not tied to anyone’s toxicity (10) My Match.com subscription is ending in two weeks.
My love life is strictly in God’s hands now.