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Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

Author

blackbeauty85

I am a young lady who is single and who aspires to be an author someday. I love to write about my life experiences, mainly dating in which this blog is about. Follow me on Social Media, Twitter (divalicious1612) and Instagram (ashcake_16)

Match…Mismatched Indeed!

Greetings all! I hope that November has been great for you all. I pray that your lives are filled with great anticipation and expectations for the upcoming holiday season and that you’re on the verge of planning some spectacular fall fun. I absolutely love the fall. It’s my favorite season because the leaves remind us how beautiful things can be. With that notion of beauty, I took the advice of my fitness instructor, who has a beautiful outlook on life. She’s in love, and being around her, love radiates with everything she does, even when she’s trying to kill her students with weighted drills. My fitness instructor encouraged me to join Match.com. Now mind you, I was skeptical. Of course, I was skeptical. If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you know that I’ve had some dating troubles. But I could get with her optimism because even though I’ve been unlucky in love, I try to be optimistic and grateful that things aren’t worse. By worse, I mean I could be emotionally tied to someone emotionally unavailable. I could have a child with someone I loathe or be in a physically abusive situation. I am grateful for all of the bad things that haven’t happened to me.

Other than the fact that I’m alone, I have a really great life. I have a career that I care about, I have a healthy family, I have some great friends, I travel frequently, and I laugh regularly. The only thing missing is a love life. So, I took my fitness instructor’s advice and tried Match. What the hell? If all else fails, I’ll have some great material for my readers and things to tell my friends at parties. Well readers, do you think I’ve had a positive or negative experience? ****drumroll please****

The Top 10 Things I’ve Discovered Using Match.com

10. Many people are delusional about what they really look like.

Match allows you to categorize your body type, and some of the categories consist of the following: Curvy, a few extra pounds, slim/slender, or fit. I’m sure I missed a couple, but these are the major buckets. I chose the curvy moniker because it’s true, I am curvy; I have the boobs, hips, and thighs to prove it. I also chose more than 10 pictures to add to my profile. I did that because I want possible suitors to know exactly what they’re getting. I’m big on reciprocity and true representation. I’ve always believed that women are usually harder on themselves than men will ever be, and Match.com proved that my belief is correct. I was matched with a guy who kept pressuring me to send him photos because he claimed he could only see me from the waist up on my 10 photos. Red Flag Alert. You should never send photos to anyone you barely know. So I expressed that and told him that we should meet somewhere instead. He agreed to the meeting. Well, I have to report to you, that instead of him being so concerned about my body, I should’ve been more concerned about his. His photos missed about thirty pounds of what I saw in person, usually, the camera adds pounds which lets me know that those photos had been taken a time ago, man boobies weren’t displayed on Match.com at all.

9. If you ever thought “most men are obsessed with sex”, take that thought and hold onto it tight. You are NOT wrong.

I cannot tell you how many times virtual strangers offered me massages, cunnilingus, and sexual intercourse. You’d think that sort of behavior was limited to Bumble or Tinder, but Match.com has its share of perverts as well. I am NOT that girl. That’s the quickest way to be a memory to me. What is wrong with you people?

8. An accomplished woman is immediately subjected to scrutiny.

The following happened when men discovered that I have a graduate degree, written three books, and a leadership position in education: (1) Being asked numerous times, “Do you think that your focus on your career has caused you to neglect your love life?” (2) Go on a date with someone, they walk you to your car, and then their facial expression sours at the sight of the Audi I drive. (3) The conversation becomes less frequent and drier when they learn about your accomplishments… then they ghost you altogether. Le sigh…

7. You should disregard your preferences.

Even the actual Match.com app wants you to settle. My preferences include wanting someone who wants a commitment and someone who wants to have children. Match.com frequently sends me profiles of men who don’t want something serious and those who don’t want children. Then there are the men who “like” you and are aware of your preferences that clearly contradict with theirs. So when you reject their “like” they continue to message you because “you’re just so sexy.” What the hell? Just because you give me some attention, I’m supposed to swoon and disregard what I want.

6. Asking a woman out, “What’s that?”

Matches would rather chat with you for weeks than actually meet with you. I almost always suggested meetings. However, the ones who want to have sex have no problem with dropping an address or even asking “Could they come over?” Who raised y’all?

5. No profile picture

Moving right along.

4. Your ex is on Match.com and has the nerve to send you a like.

GO. TO. HELL

3. Long distances seem to be the thing.

Again, Match.com tries to get me to disregard my preferences. I select a 40-mile range, and yet they allow people all over the damn country to see my profile. This makes my spidey senses tingle for a multitude of reasons. It’s hard enough trying to determine if a local man has genuine intentions, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to wreck my brain about someone in Damascus, AR. By the way, where the hell is Damascus, AR?

2. The gangbangers we knew in our 20s are now 40.

What grown-ass man is throwing up gang signs on a dating profile photo? What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

And finally, #1. Prisoners have Match.com on their phones too.

Yeah, I don’t need to say much, except I know a prison photo when I see it.

Well friends, my time with this post is ending and I’m happy to say my three months with Match.com is ending and I am so glad. I am still single, I still have no prospects, and I’m still going to enjoy the life I have. Even though my experience wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be, I am thankful just in time for Thanksgiving. I am thankful for this list of ten. (1) My health (2) My family and friends (3) My creativity (4) My discernment—It’s unmatched (5) My relationship with God. (6) My sense of wonder (7) My love for myself (8) I’ve written three books bitch (9) I’m not tied to anyone’s toxicity (10) My Match.com subscription is ending in two weeks.

My love life is strictly in God’s hands now.

SMOOCHES!

Featured post

A.Grandberry, The Writer, Publications and Products

Click on the above link for the order form for all Bryce August novels and other products from A. Grandberry.

A. Grandberry, the Writer

Order Form for Bryce August, the Beginning & Bryce August, Redemption

QR Code for all products

The Ex-Factor

Hello loves! I apologize once again for neglecting you for so long, but you have to admit that life is so difficult nowadays. We’re still battling the pandemic of COVID and other pandemics in the name of ignorance, hate, and inflation. As you say your prayers tonight, send up a comfort prayer to the families of those who died in Buffalo, Uvalde, and now Tulsa. In addition to praying for others, be sure to do yourself the kindness of praying for yourself. During such a difficult two years, I’ve learned that you have to pray for every facet of your life, even in dating. When I last wrote, I spoke about God being the best listener and my reflection on the things that I’m grateful for and one of those things happen to be the act of reflection.

Reflection

Reflection is a blessing and because I can honestly reflect, I think it’s caused my intuition to be on point. Last Wednesday, I could barely sleep because I knew I would be going to an event on Thursday where there was a good possibility that I would run into one of my former paramours. I knew this because the event would be in an area of town that he frequents. I couldn’t sleep because my intuition was telling me that I needed to reflect on the entire situation and that I needed to prepare myself for the potential encounter. My intuition is about 90% at the free throw line. LOL! Well, lo and behold, Thursday night comes, I go to the event, and just as I am having a great time with my homies, here comes my ex. Swoosh, my intuition has scored yet again. Here we go.

What is an ex?

Before I elaborate further on the encounter, let’s evaluate just exactly what an ex is? According to Google, it’s defined as: In social relationships, an ex is someone with whom a person was once associated, in a relationship or marriage. As you can see, Google gives a very unbiased answer, well here’s my definition of an ex. Ex: A person who you tried your best with but didn’t believe fat meat was greasy and when they see you after time has passed and you still look good and are doing better, this person gets discombobulated and develops a case of amnesia that could persist for up to 30 days.

Now while you were with this person, they could go days ignoring you, but they see you out after two years has passed, all of a sudden, they’re a texting fool. After coming up to me and asking me “are you on a date?” and having a metaphorical pissing contest with my male friends, the texting commences. Oh, all of a sudden you can communicate. Then there was the second time you come up to me and ask, “why did I block you?” Oh, you want to be direct now, after giving me mixed signals and playing games, now you want to directly know why I blocked you on social media? Then as I’m trying to leave and get as far from you as I possibly can, you continue to come up to me and try to have a conversation that is fueled with complete gaslighting and blatant amnesia. You bring up the fact that you didn’t talk to me after a trip, but you completely forgot that you blew me off and when we did have a conversation and you didn’t get your way, you behaved like a petulant child. Amazing. Well, I’m proud to report that I handled myself well throughout the night, I didn’t make a scene, I didn’t raise my voice, and most importantly, I had a great time with my friends.

Reflection Continued

Since last week, I’ve listened to “Ex Factor” by Lauryn Hill a few times to prepare my thoughts and this post, and I have some key takeaways. During my relationship with that ex, all I wanted was reciprocity, that’s it. You see when dealing with women, you must know that we begin treating you how we want to be treated and then we begin treating you as you treat us. When it comes to effort, I was the one doing all of the giving, he was on the receiving end. When I voiced my concerns, they fell on deaf ears. In addition, I stated several times that once I leave, I won’t be back, that fell on deaf ears as well. See, he didn’t believe fat meat was greasy, still. Lauryn was spot on; all we want is reciprocity. Lauryn did lose me with the “coming back” references and “I can’t be with no one else”, because with me, that’s just a damn lie. I will always choose myself over a toxic situation. Now don’t get me wrong, he looked good, he always looked good, he’s gorgeous, but the devil was the prettiest angel in heaven before God evicted him. So, in conclusion, when it comes to the “Ex Factor”, don’t ever swiftly go running back. Take some time to reflect on why it went left in the first place, hell make a list, if the cons far outweigh the pros keep going forward, I promise you’re going in the right direction.

SMOOCHES!

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The Bryce August Saga Continues…..

Bryce August, The Beginning, is the first book in the trilogy of my first creation of romance novels. Available at Amazon.com for 23.99
Bryce August, Redemption, is the second book in the Bryce August trilogy. Also available online at Amazon.com for 23.99

Happy 2021 to you all. I pray that February will be an improvement to the year that has to bring some redemption to what 2020 was. I hope all of you are well and the coronavirus hasn’t negatively affected the majority of you. I realize that I have taken quite the hiatus from my blog however as you can see, I’ve been quite busy. In 2019, I finished my first book, Bryce August, the Beginning which is the first installment of a romantic trilogy. The first novel tells the story of the clueless but privileged Bryce August, a 21 year old heir to a wealthy enterprise. Bryce is a part of the wealthy Augusts of the Potomac, Maryland region of the United States. The Augusts are an influential family who has managed to hold onto generational wealth by arranging marriages to other prominent blacks. Their tradition is simple, your parents select your husband or wife, and if you refuse, you won’t get your inheritance. Although the tradition is simple, Bryce is anything but simple as he detests who his parents has selected and has fallen for another woman. What will Bryce do? What will he uncover in his quest for a way out?

In completing my first installment, I was a lot like Bryce, clueless, I made a lot of mistakes with the self- publishing route with Amazon Direct Publishing and hiring an amateur editor. There were a lot of mistakes that were made but upon such there were some triumphs as well, and I was able to capitalize upon them. Those triumphs pushed me forward no matter how I received criticism from others and myself. Then not to mention during one of the most difficult years of my life, I managed to publish the sequel, Bryce August, Redemption. Here in this installment not only does Bryce redeem himself but I do as well. This go around, I knew how to handle Amazon, I knew how to navigate the publishing portal and I acquired a more seasoned editor for my work and thus a more polished creation was made. Despite the difficulty of the year, I improved quite well.

With this story, Bryce grows up, he is faced with constant obstacles but instead of cowering or whining about it, he faces it all. In this installment, it’s apparent what Bryce will do with or without the support of loved ones. Readers also get a chance to see the different side of Bryce’s best friend, Larry and his ever changing mother, Myra. I am eager to build upon these developments and finish the story of this industrious young man, so I pray that 2021 is good to me in that regard. What are you looking forward to this year? Please share.

SMOOCHES!

This year marked 5 years ago that I lost my best friend to senseless gun violence, sometimes I still cannot believe that he’s not here with me. There are times when I want to call him and tell him about the absurdities I am facing while dating and even in the workplace and I can’t. During those times I’m either sad, numb or enraged. I take solace in the fact that he taught me what true friendship is. During these trying times, I’m trying to be as he was with me, patient and understanding and never judgmental. Love on your people as you have them because pretty soon, God will want them back. Rest in love EJ, I miss you so much old boy.

November 7, 2020

2008 the world changed, a remarkable black family brought hope and inspiration,

The good saw a new day, others felt a threat to the nation.

8 years past, the good brimmed with pride while others schemed,

The good were robbed of that hope and a nightmare replaced a dream.

Misogyny, lies, deceit, a robbery was ultimately committed,

We were saddled with a classless, vile, clueless and godless idiot.

Racism woke up while the woke laid dormant and still,

All progress that was once made, the other half sought to kill.

Skin color, sexual preference, place of origin were all under attack,

We became so many hashtags it was impossible to keep track.

There was a twindemic before flu season even began,

We all had to remember to kneel before we could take a stand. 

This year marks 60 years where little Ruby became a giant,

And reminded us that “good trouble” is being devoutly defiant.

Ruby walked to school because Rosa sat and now Kamala leads,

Today the good got spiritual medicine that we desperately need.

We can’t breathe and the masks aren’t the reason why,

Today we actually had a happy reason to have a cry.

Hope was inhaled as Shyamala’s baby crushed a ceiling,

Immigrants, minorities, women, HBCU grads love this feeling.

Shirley you ran because you had hope this day would come,

When we decide to unite who knows where the support comes from. 

Two black women, Stacey and Keisha, stood on John’s memory,

And flipped a red state blue and thus we all claim the victory.

Kamala’s win validates the work of Nancy, Maxine and even Hilary,

All children can say, “greatness does in fact look like me.”

Lovely irony is that Shyamala and Donald met on the freedom fight,

And their daughter manifested all of the dreams of the good on this historic night.

Kamala you represent so much, I hope that you know it,

Be proud of your ambition and accomplishments, queen show it.

She sought to achieve and serve and found love later in life,

She secured a great legacy before she became a wife.

Your story speaks volumes for little black girls, even me,

Who still believes I can make my dreams a reality.

Madam Vice President we all rejoice as your black girl magic reigns supreme,

You are a pearl wearing, ceiling shattering embodiment of the American Dream.

I Love Being An Influenster

Spring Forward Vox Box

I’ve been an active user of the Influenster app for a few years and they always give me access to some dope products periodically. Recently they sent me a Spring Box with three great items.

Item #1. Smashmallow Chocolate Chip marshmallow. This sample was a great snack but I think the product is especially versatile for baking because not only is it good for marshmallow uses but the chocolate chips baked in gives it an awesome twist.

Smashmallow! So Good

Item #2. Gold Bond Ultimate Age Defense Moisturizer. Gold Bond has already been established as a trust worthy and great moisturizing product, adding the age defense is just another bonus for women who spend a lot of time in the sun.

Gold Bond Ultimate Age Defense moisturized

Item #3. Lemi Shine Dishwasher tabs. Let’s be honest, no one wants to spend their time hand washing dishes at all. So I was pleased to get this product that keeps me from doing so. Thus far with the product, I don’t have to pre or post wash the dishes, it cleans all of my plates and flatware that I use daily.

Lemi Shine Detergent tabs

The entire Spring Vox Box has been a heaven sent and if you want to focus on the detergent tabs, it’s a heaven scent. I love being an influenster.

My Spring Vox Box

What that Rona do?

Greetings all! My it has been such a long time hasn’t it? I’ve been incredibly busy working a 9 to 5 and promoting my novel that I totally neglected my blogging duties. I feel awful about that, so please forgive me. With that being said, let’s discuss something else that has been awful, which is that bitch Rona. Yes, the Coronavirus, non-affectionately nicknamed Rona. Since March 13th, my life has changed drastically, some things have been refreshing while others have been extremely depressing. I like to think of the first ten days as Rona telling me to sit down.

Rona said sat down somewhere!

In the beginning, I was naive enough to think this would only last for a couple of weeks. I would have to work from home after Spring Break and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, so I did my best to make the best of it. My line sisters and I would have Facetime dates and I’d even come to terms with canceling my Spring Break trip to Houston with my friends. I was even rejoicing in the fact that I’d smartly purchased travel insurance and I’d be able to get a full refund. Ain’t God good? I even looked at this inconvenience as an opportunity to work on my waistline and started to hit the park daily for a minimum of 3 miles, in a quest to be healthy. As you can see, I was making lemonade with the bowl full of lemons that the universe was dishing out. However one must remember that lemonade can still wind up sour. By the 11th day, I’d developed a blister on my poorly manicured feet due to increased exercise and closed nail salons. The lemonade was indeed starting to sour.

Rona drove me a little crazy!

I don’t know the exact statistics of millennials like me who suffer from anxiety, but I’m willing to bet nearly half of people my age suffer from anxiety on a regular basis, especially if they’ve achieved a four year degree and are trying to maintain a career in this dog eat dog world that was made a mess by the baby boomers. Well not only did the blister form on the 11th day but my anxiety did as well. I can’t go anywhere! I’m off work and I can’t hop in the ride and go to Nashville to see my friends…. I can’t see my momma! That last one hit me the hardest, I mean I see my mom once a month anyways because of work, but not being able to just pop up on her whenever I want was making me anxious. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that my mom is my everything, that’s my girl, that’s my bestie. So I leaned on what my bestie always told me to do when times get rough, prayer. During this time, I prayed pretty much around the clock, three or four times a day to get me through the anxious feeling of helplessness and being caged in. I’m a free spirit and being confined is something that doesn’t interest me in any capacity. Many people are still walking this earth because I don’t want to do time and that’s real. With the prayer, I continued to try and make the best out of things. The social media world had started to embrace a new form of entertainment, on April 4th, we got the epic battle of T-Pain versus Lil John, so things were starting to look up. I’d diminished my anxiety with prayer and music. My happiness was also punctuated with the fact that our family grew with the birth of my great-nephew, August.

Rona said listen!

The last stage of what Rona is doing to me began on April 7th. It’s amazing how your sixth sense can kick and you can tell when something is about to shift or when something is coming. Well on the night of April 6th, I had a devil of a time trying to sleep. The devil was surely on his way, over into April 6th turning into April 7th, I got a text from the ex. ***insert eternal side eye*** I’m not even going to elaborate on what the text said, it’s not worth it, but that Rona was making everyone reflect huh? I reflected on a lot. I started to be a bit more thankful. First of all, even though I really miss human contact and even human touch, I am so grateful that I’m not quarantined with the ex or any ex. Thank God! My heart goes out to anyone who’s quarantined with someone they’re not too fond of right now. I started to hear God more through the solitude. He’s been speaking to me a lot about the future and when all of this is over, I have some major decisions to make. But most important, I learned that those decisions are between only God and me.

SMOOCHES!

Featured post

A New Journey… Bryce August, The Beginning

Hello World. I wanted to share with you all what I’ve been up to. About a week ago, I finally uploaded my manuscript, Bryce August, The Beginning to Amazon Kindle Publishing for release. This has been one great, amazing, scary journey. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that writing is my passion but learning how to make your ideas come alive isn’t always easy. For years, I have struggled with trying to find the right way to publish and many other things. So this post is meant to discuss my project and give my readers information towards checking my project out.

What is Bryce August, The Beginning about?

Bryce August is the main character of the book and he’s telling the story of his life. He’s a 21 year old college student who’s a part of a prominent black family who’s held onto generational wealth for years by arranging all of the marriages in their families. He’s faced with a dilemma of going against the family norm and risking his birthright and inheritance.

What Genre Does Bryce August, The Beginning fall under?

Bryce August is an erotic romance novel, it’s a love story but there are a lot of racy elements in the story that are not suitable for those under the age of 18 and those who aren’t comfortable reading about sex.

Where Can I Purchase Bryce August, The Beginning?

It can be purchased online on Amazon.com. One can simply search for the title and it’ll pop up in one of three formats (large (the cheapest to print), a smaller version or kindle). Also, the direct link is: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=bryce+august%2C+the+beginning&crid=3PAW7GU5KXOHS&sprefix=Bryce+August%2C%2Caps%2C194&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_13

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