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Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

Author

blackbeauty85

I am a young lady who is single and who aspires to be an author someday. I love to write about my life experiences, mainly dating in which this blog is about. Follow me on Social Media, Twitter (divalicious1612) and Instagram (ashcake_16)

A.Grandberry, The Writer, Publications and Products

Click on the above link for the order form for all Bryce August novels and other products from A. Grandberry.

A. Grandberry, the Writer

Order Form for Bryce August, the Beginning & Bryce August, Redemption

QR Code for all products

The Ex-Factor

Hello loves! I apologize once again for neglecting you for so long, but you have to admit that life is so difficult nowadays. We’re still battling the pandemic of COVID and other pandemics in the name of ignorance, hate, and inflation. As you say your prayers tonight, send up a comfort prayer to the families of those who died in Buffalo, Uvalde, and now Tulsa. In addition to praying for others, be sure to do yourself the kindness of praying for yourself. During such a difficult two years, I’ve learned that you have to pray for every facet of your life, even in dating. When I last wrote, I spoke about God being the best listener and my reflection on the things that I’m grateful for and one of those things happen to be the act of reflection.

Reflection

Reflection is a blessing and because I can honestly reflect, I think it’s caused my intuition to be on point. Last Wednesday, I could barely sleep because I knew I would be going to an event on Thursday where there was a good possibility that I would run into one of my former paramours. I knew this because the event would be in an area of town that he frequents. I couldn’t sleep because my intuition was telling me that I needed to reflect on the entire situation and that I needed to prepare myself for the potential encounter. My intuition is about 90% at the free throw line. LOL! Well, lo and behold, Thursday night comes, I go to the event, and just as I am having a great time with my homies, here comes my ex. Swoosh, my intuition has scored yet again. Here we go.

What is an ex?

Before I elaborate further on the encounter, let’s evaluate just exactly what an ex is? According to Google, it’s defined as: In social relationships, an ex is someone with whom a person was once associated, in a relationship or marriage. As you can see, Google gives a very unbiased answer, well here’s my definition of an ex. Ex: A person who you tried your best with but didn’t believe fat meat was greasy and when they see you after time has passed and you still look good and are doing better, this person gets discombobulated and develops a case of amnesia that could persist for up to 30 days.

Now while you were with this person, they could go days ignoring you, but they see you out after two years has passed, all of a sudden, they’re a texting fool. After coming up to me and asking me “are you on a date?” and having a metaphorical pissing contest with my male friends, the texting commences. Oh, all of a sudden you can communicate. Then there was the second time you come up to me and ask, “why did I block you?” Oh, you want to be direct now, after giving me mixed signals and playing games, now you want to directly know why I blocked you on social media? Then as I’m trying to leave and get as far from you as I possibly can, you continue to come up to me and try to have a conversation that is fueled with complete gaslighting and blatant amnesia. You bring up the fact that you didn’t talk to me after a trip, but you completely forgot that you blew me off and when we did have a conversation and you didn’t get your way, you behaved like a petulant child. Amazing. Well, I’m proud to report that I handled myself well throughout the night, I didn’t make a scene, I didn’t raise my voice, and most importantly, I had a great time with my friends.

Reflection Continued

Since last week, I’ve listened to “Ex Factor” by Lauryn Hill a few times to prepare my thoughts and this post, and I have some key takeaways. During my relationship with that ex, all I wanted was reciprocity, that’s it. You see when dealing with women, you must know that we begin treating you how we want to be treated and then we begin treating you as you treat us. When it comes to effort, I was the one doing all of the giving, he was on the receiving end. When I voiced my concerns, they fell on deaf ears. In addition, I stated several times that once I leave, I won’t be back, that fell on deaf ears as well. See, he didn’t believe fat meat was greasy, still. Lauryn was spot on; all we want is reciprocity. Lauryn did lose me with the “coming back” references and “I can’t be with no one else”, because with me, that’s just a damn lie. I will always choose myself over a toxic situation. Now don’t get me wrong, he looked good, he always looked good, he’s gorgeous, but the devil was the prettiest angel in heaven before God evicted him. So, in conclusion, when it comes to the “Ex Factor”, don’t ever swiftly go running back. Take some time to reflect on why it went left in the first place, hell make a list, if the cons far outweigh the pros keep going forward, I promise you’re going in the right direction.

SMOOCHES!

Featured post

The Bryce August Saga Continues…..

Bryce August, The Beginning, is the first book in the trilogy of my first creation of romance novels. Available at Amazon.com for 23.99
Bryce August, Redemption, is the second book in the Bryce August trilogy. Also available online at Amazon.com for 23.99

Happy 2021 to you all. I pray that February will be an improvement to the year that has to bring some redemption to what 2020 was. I hope all of you are well and the coronavirus hasn’t negatively affected the majority of you. I realize that I have taken quite the hiatus from my blog however as you can see, I’ve been quite busy. In 2019, I finished my first book, Bryce August, the Beginning which is the first installment of a romantic trilogy. The first novel tells the story of the clueless but privileged Bryce August, a 21 year old heir to a wealthy enterprise. Bryce is a part of the wealthy Augusts of the Potomac, Maryland region of the United States. The Augusts are an influential family who has managed to hold onto generational wealth by arranging marriages to other prominent blacks. Their tradition is simple, your parents select your husband or wife, and if you refuse, you won’t get your inheritance. Although the tradition is simple, Bryce is anything but simple as he detests who his parents has selected and has fallen for another woman. What will Bryce do? What will he uncover in his quest for a way out?

In completing my first installment, I was a lot like Bryce, clueless, I made a lot of mistakes with the self- publishing route with Amazon Direct Publishing and hiring an amateur editor. There were a lot of mistakes that were made but upon such there were some triumphs as well, and I was able to capitalize upon them. Those triumphs pushed me forward no matter how I received criticism from others and myself. Then not to mention during one of the most difficult years of my life, I managed to publish the sequel, Bryce August, Redemption. Here in this installment not only does Bryce redeem himself but I do as well. This go around, I knew how to handle Amazon, I knew how to navigate the publishing portal and I acquired a more seasoned editor for my work and thus a more polished creation was made. Despite the difficulty of the year, I improved quite well.

With this story, Bryce grows up, he is faced with constant obstacles but instead of cowering or whining about it, he faces it all. In this installment, it’s apparent what Bryce will do with or without the support of loved ones. Readers also get a chance to see the different side of Bryce’s best friend, Larry and his ever changing mother, Myra. I am eager to build upon these developments and finish the story of this industrious young man, so I pray that 2021 is good to me in that regard. What are you looking forward to this year? Please share.

SMOOCHES!

This year marked 5 years ago that I lost my best friend to senseless gun violence, sometimes I still cannot believe that he’s not here with me. There are times when I want to call him and tell him about the absurdities I am facing while dating and even in the workplace and I can’t. During those times I’m either sad, numb or enraged. I take solace in the fact that he taught me what true friendship is. During these trying times, I’m trying to be as he was with me, patient and understanding and never judgmental. Love on your people as you have them because pretty soon, God will want them back. Rest in love EJ, I miss you so much old boy.

November 7, 2020

2008 the world changed, a remarkable black family brought hope and inspiration,

The good saw a new day, others felt a threat to the nation.

8 years past, the good brimmed with pride while others schemed,

The good were robbed of that hope and a nightmare replaced a dream.

Misogyny, lies, deceit, a robbery was ultimately committed,

We were saddled with a classless, vile, clueless and godless idiot.

Racism woke up while the woke laid dormant and still,

All progress that was once made, the other half sought to kill.

Skin color, sexual preference, place of origin were all under attack,

We became so many hashtags it was impossible to keep track.

There was a twindemic before flu season even began,

We all had to remember to kneel before we could take a stand. 

This year marks 60 years where little Ruby became a giant,

And reminded us that “good trouble” is being devoutly defiant.

Ruby walked to school because Rosa sat and now Kamala leads,

Today the good got spiritual medicine that we desperately need.

We can’t breathe and the masks aren’t the reason why,

Today we actually had a happy reason to have a cry.

Hope was inhaled as Shyamala’s baby crushed a ceiling,

Immigrants, minorities, women, HBCU grads love this feeling.

Shirley you ran because you had hope this day would come,

When we decide to unite who knows where the support comes from. 

Two black women, Stacey and Keisha, stood on John’s memory,

And flipped a red state blue and thus we all claim the victory.

Kamala’s win validates the work of Nancy, Maxine and even Hilary,

All children can say, “greatness does in fact look like me.”

Lovely irony is that Shyamala and Donald met on the freedom fight,

And their daughter manifested all of the dreams of the good on this historic night.

Kamala you represent so much, I hope that you know it,

Be proud of your ambition and accomplishments, queen show it.

She sought to achieve and serve and found love later in life,

She secured a great legacy before she became a wife.

Your story speaks volumes for little black girls, even me,

Who still believes I can make my dreams a reality.

Madam Vice President we all rejoice as your black girl magic reigns supreme,

You are a pearl wearing, ceiling shattering embodiment of the American Dream.

I Love Being An Influenster

Spring Forward Vox Box

I’ve been an active user of the Influenster app for a few years and they always give me access to some dope products periodically. Recently they sent me a Spring Box with three great items.

Item #1. Smashmallow Chocolate Chip marshmallow. This sample was a great snack but I think the product is especially versatile for baking because not only is it good for marshmallow uses but the chocolate chips baked in gives it an awesome twist.

Smashmallow! So Good

Item #2. Gold Bond Ultimate Age Defense Moisturizer. Gold Bond has already been established as a trust worthy and great moisturizing product, adding the age defense is just another bonus for women who spend a lot of time in the sun.

Gold Bond Ultimate Age Defense moisturized

Item #3. Lemi Shine Dishwasher tabs. Let’s be honest, no one wants to spend their time hand washing dishes at all. So I was pleased to get this product that keeps me from doing so. Thus far with the product, I don’t have to pre or post wash the dishes, it cleans all of my plates and flatware that I use daily.

Lemi Shine Detergent tabs

The entire Spring Vox Box has been a heaven sent and if you want to focus on the detergent tabs, it’s a heaven scent. I love being an influenster.

My Spring Vox Box

What that Rona do?

Greetings all! My it has been such a long time hasn’t it? I’ve been incredibly busy working a 9 to 5 and promoting my novel that I totally neglected my blogging duties. I feel awful about that, so please forgive me. With that being said, let’s discuss something else that has been awful, which is that bitch Rona. Yes, the Coronavirus, non-affectionately nicknamed Rona. Since March 13th, my life has changed drastically, some things have been refreshing while others have been extremely depressing. I like to think of the first ten days as Rona telling me to sit down.

Rona said sat down somewhere!

In the beginning, I was naive enough to think this would only last for a couple of weeks. I would have to work from home after Spring Break and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, so I did my best to make the best of it. My line sisters and I would have Facetime dates and I’d even come to terms with canceling my Spring Break trip to Houston with my friends. I was even rejoicing in the fact that I’d smartly purchased travel insurance and I’d be able to get a full refund. Ain’t God good? I even looked at this inconvenience as an opportunity to work on my waistline and started to hit the park daily for a minimum of 3 miles, in a quest to be healthy. As you can see, I was making lemonade with the bowl full of lemons that the universe was dishing out. However one must remember that lemonade can still wind up sour. By the 11th day, I’d developed a blister on my poorly manicured feet due to increased exercise and closed nail salons. The lemonade was indeed starting to sour.

Rona drove me a little crazy!

I don’t know the exact statistics of millennials like me who suffer from anxiety, but I’m willing to bet nearly half of people my age suffer from anxiety on a regular basis, especially if they’ve achieved a four year degree and are trying to maintain a career in this dog eat dog world that was made a mess by the baby boomers. Well not only did the blister form on the 11th day but my anxiety did as well. I can’t go anywhere! I’m off work and I can’t hop in the ride and go to Nashville to see my friends…. I can’t see my momma! That last one hit me the hardest, I mean I see my mom once a month anyways because of work, but not being able to just pop up on her whenever I want was making me anxious. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that my mom is my everything, that’s my girl, that’s my bestie. So I leaned on what my bestie always told me to do when times get rough, prayer. During this time, I prayed pretty much around the clock, three or four times a day to get me through the anxious feeling of helplessness and being caged in. I’m a free spirit and being confined is something that doesn’t interest me in any capacity. Many people are still walking this earth because I don’t want to do time and that’s real. With the prayer, I continued to try and make the best out of things. The social media world had started to embrace a new form of entertainment, on April 4th, we got the epic battle of T-Pain versus Lil John, so things were starting to look up. I’d diminished my anxiety with prayer and music. My happiness was also punctuated with the fact that our family grew with the birth of my great-nephew, August.

Rona said listen!

The last stage of what Rona is doing to me began on April 7th. It’s amazing how your sixth sense can kick and you can tell when something is about to shift or when something is coming. Well on the night of April 6th, I had a devil of a time trying to sleep. The devil was surely on his way, over into April 6th turning into April 7th, I got a text from the ex. ***insert eternal side eye*** I’m not even going to elaborate on what the text said, it’s not worth it, but that Rona was making everyone reflect huh? I reflected on a lot. I started to be a bit more thankful. First of all, even though I really miss human contact and even human touch, I am so grateful that I’m not quarantined with the ex or any ex. Thank God! My heart goes out to anyone who’s quarantined with someone they’re not too fond of right now. I started to hear God more through the solitude. He’s been speaking to me a lot about the future and when all of this is over, I have some major decisions to make. But most important, I learned that those decisions are between only God and me.

SMOOCHES!

Featured post

A New Journey… Bryce August, The Beginning

Hello World. I wanted to share with you all what I’ve been up to. About a week ago, I finally uploaded my manuscript, Bryce August, The Beginning to Amazon Kindle Publishing for release. This has been one great, amazing, scary journey. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that writing is my passion but learning how to make your ideas come alive isn’t always easy. For years, I have struggled with trying to find the right way to publish and many other things. So this post is meant to discuss my project and give my readers information towards checking my project out.

What is Bryce August, The Beginning about?

Bryce August is the main character of the book and he’s telling the story of his life. He’s a 21 year old college student who’s a part of a prominent black family who’s held onto generational wealth for years by arranging all of the marriages in their families. He’s faced with a dilemma of going against the family norm and risking his birthright and inheritance.

What Genre Does Bryce August, The Beginning fall under?

Bryce August is an erotic romance novel, it’s a love story but there are a lot of racy elements in the story that are not suitable for those under the age of 18 and those who aren’t comfortable reading about sex.

Where Can I Purchase Bryce August, The Beginning?

It can be purchased online on Amazon.com. One can simply search for the title and it’ll pop up in one of three formats (large (the cheapest to print), a smaller version or kindle). Also, the direct link is: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=bryce+august%2C+the+beginning&crid=3PAW7GU5KXOHS&sprefix=Bryce+August%2C%2Caps%2C194&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_13

Dearly Beloved, Shall We Mourn the idea of Romance?

Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here to lament the traditional, pure memory of romance. As it’s been watered down and diluted that the idea of it in its purest form has become a flicker and a whisper of its former being.

This precious beautiful idea has been marred by technology, social media and the acceptance of low expectations. Join me as I eulogize this half-dead illusion. Let’s us rejoice in these romantic song lyrics.

“We were lovers through and through and though we made it through the storm, I really want you to realize, I really want to put you on, I’ve been searching for someone to satisfy my every need, won’t you be my inspiration and be the real love that I need.” -Mary J. Blige.

These immortal words are the lyrics of the iconic Mary J. Blige and her iconic song, “Real Love” of the timeless “What’s the 411?” album. These were the types of lyrics that were the soundtrack of our ideas of love as 80s babies, however now as 80s babies, we are millennials in a world where this 90s R&B feel isn’t in the pursuit of love anymore, which makes me wonder, what happened to romance? Was it murdered? If so, who killed it? Who will be the love detective who solves this mystery?

This lovely notion of romance didn’t just stop at the music we listened to, it was in the movies we loved and recited through poetry. “I gather up each sound you left behind and stretch them on our bed. Each night I breathe you and become high”, those words were uttered by Nia Long as Nina Mosely in the movie Love Jones, words that she quoted from Harlem Renaissance writer and Afro-icon, Sonia Sanchez. With romantic contributors such as Mary J. Blige and Sonia Sanchez highlighting the beauty and complexities of love no wonder those like me are completely devoid of the notion because, in today’s world, things just aren’t like that.

My ideas of love and romance as a teenager and then college student were illuminated by the sounds of men who sang about the beauty of loving a woman even through heartbreak. I grew up believing that a man should formally ask a woman on a date (LL Cool J, Hey Lover) and even call her to have a meaningful conversation leading up to the encounter. My thoughts are that men are supposed to make the date, be on time, and give the woman their undivided attention during the encounter. Wow? I sound archaic huh? Even though I’m only 34.

The reality isn’t that dreamy nowadays.

Men don’t call, they text…. They text all damn day!

They don’t ask you out, they DM or attempt to FaceTime.

They don’t make real dates and give undivided attention, what is that?

This reality is so sad, no wonder the world of love is so jaded, romance is seemingly dead. Or it’s been completely watered down. So what is the cause of such?

What has happened that has allowed people to deem all of this as acceptable?

When did “wyd” suffice as picking up the phone and admitting that you’d been thinking of a person all day? Hell even if I’m lying, the entire notion is beautiful.

What happened to true romance?

Now, I don’t mean that a man has to spend tremendous amounts of money in pursuit of the notion however the effort is what I’m referring to as of now. The effort just isn’t there. Nor do I mean that the entire notion is just confined to the male species. I can be quite romantic to a deserving man. So again, what happened?

Of course, my ideas on the tragic disappearance of romance would be futile, if I didn’t ask the men in my circle their ideas on the matter. On an engaging Sunday afternoon at a dear friend of mine’s new home, I asked several men what they thought about the fleeting idea of romance.

There were several retorts about it that included that women are too independent nowadays, the idea of submission is extinct and the effort is sometimes chastised by the women so a lot of men don’t even bother to try. All of their opinions were valid and I didn’t disagree with anything that they said. Although I have some extended ideas about that whole thing about “submission” but that’s an extensive topic for a different day.

Truth be told, I believe that romance is an endangered species, not completely dead but the attempted assassination of this precious thing can be attributed to so many murderous factors but romance can be resurrected.

With all of that being said, one must understand that romance is subjective, multi-faceted, full of possibilities.

For me, romance is simple.

Romance is…

  • Calling me just to hear my voice.
  • Planning something different, because spontaneity is the spice of life.
  • Texting me while you know I’m dead asleep all of the things about me that you love, admire and respect.
  • Bringing me dinner after a long day.
  • Sending me a poem of how I make you feel.
  • Asking me to go workout with you.
  • Bookmarking a book that I’m reading with a note.
  • Leaving me your favorite hoodie to borrow for a while.
  • Actually talking to me.
  • Sending me a song/playlist on Spotify.
  • Leaving a single flower on my doorstep with a note.
  • Riding through the city listening to trap music.
  • Initiating a pillow fight.

You see gentlemen, romance doesn’t have to expensive, nor does it have to be complex, but coming from a busy, ambitious, millennial woman, I’m telling you, it’s still needed. With the right woman, of course, your efforts will be appreciated.  

SMOOCHES!

This past January marked three years since I lost my dear friend EJ, it has been extremely difficult, each day doesn’t get easier, just go by.  Things are especially challenging when you have those around you are ingenuine.  So I’ve been removing those show themselves as such.  Just like we should be in love with our significant others, we need to love our friends too.  If you don’t have friends around you who loved you the way my friend EJ did, I feel sorry for you.  He was real, he was raw and he stayed true.  Not too many people can do and show love while being true to themselves.  Rest in Love, dear sweet friend.

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