Happy 2021 to you all. I pray that February will be an improvement to the year that has to bring some redemption to what 2020 was. I hope all of you are well and the coronavirus hasn’t negatively affected the majority of you. I realize that I have taken quite the hiatus from my blog however as you can see, I’ve been quite busy. In 2019, I finished my first book, Bryce August, the Beginning which is the first installment of a romantic trilogy. The first novel tells the story of the clueless but privileged Bryce August, a 21 year old heir to a wealthy enterprise. Bryce is a part of the wealthy Augusts of the Potomac, Maryland region of the United States. The Augusts are an influential family who has managed to hold onto generational wealth by arranging marriages to other prominent blacks. Their tradition is simple, your parents select your husband or wife, and if you refuse, you won’t get your inheritance. Although the tradition is simple, Bryce is anything but simple as he detests who his parents has selected and has fallen for another woman. What will Bryce do? What will he uncover in his quest for a way out?
In completing my first installment, I was a lot like Bryce, clueless, I made a lot of mistakes with the self- publishing route with Amazon Direct Publishing and hiring an amateur editor. There were a lot of mistakes that were made but upon such there were some triumphs as well, and I was able to capitalize upon them. Those triumphs pushed me forward no matter how I received criticism from others and myself. Then not to mention during one of the most difficult years of my life, I managed to publish the sequel, Bryce August, Redemption. Here in this installment not only does Bryce redeem himself but I do as well. This go around, I knew how to handle Amazon, I knew how to navigate the publishing portal and I acquired a more seasoned editor for my work and thus a more polished creation was made. Despite the difficulty of the year, I improved quite well.
With this story, Bryce grows up, he is faced with constant obstacles but instead of cowering or whining about it, he faces it all. In this installment, it’s apparent what Bryce will do with or without the support of loved ones. Readers also get a chance to see the different side of Bryce’s best friend, Larry and his ever changing mother, Myra. I am eager to build upon these developments and finish the story of this industrious young man, so I pray that 2021 is good to me in that regard. What are you looking forward to this year? Please share.
This year marked 5 years ago that I lost my best friend to senseless gun violence, sometimes I still cannot believe that he’s not here with me. There are times when I want to call him and tell him about the absurdities I am facing while dating and even in the workplace and I can’t. During those times I’m either sad, numb or enraged. I take solace in the fact that he taught me what true friendship is. During these trying times, I’m trying to be as he was with me, patient and understanding and never judgmental. Love on your people as you have them because pretty soon, God will want them back. Rest in love EJ, I miss you so much old boy.
I’ve been an active user of the Influenster app for a few years and they always give me access to some dope products periodically. Recently they sent me a Spring Box with three great items.
Item #1. Smashmallow Chocolate Chip marshmallow. This sample was a great snack but I think the product is especially versatile for baking because not only is it good for marshmallow uses but the chocolate chips baked in gives it an awesome twist.
Item #2. Gold Bond Ultimate Age Defense Moisturizer. Gold Bond has already been established as a trust worthy and great moisturizing product, adding the age defense is just another bonus for women who spend a lot of time in the sun.
Item #3. Lemi Shine Dishwasher tabs. Let’s be honest, no one wants to spend their time hand washing dishes at all. So I was pleased to get this product that keeps me from doing so. Thus far with the product, I don’t have to pre or post wash the dishes, it cleans all of my plates and flatware that I use daily.
The entire Spring Vox Box has been a heaven sent and if you want to focus on the detergent tabs, it’s a heaven scent. I love being an influenster.
Greetings all! My it has been such a long time hasn’t it? I’ve been incredibly busy working a 9 to 5 and promoting my novel that I totally neglected my blogging duties. I feel awful about that, so please forgive me. With that being said, let’s discuss something else that has been awful, which is that bitch Rona. Yes, the Coronavirus, non-affectionately nicknamed Rona. Since March 13th, my life has changed drastically, some things have been refreshing while others have been extremely depressing. I like to think of the first ten days as Rona telling me to sit down.
Rona said sat down somewhere!
In the beginning, I was naive enough to think this would only last for a couple of weeks. I would have to work from home after Spring Break and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, so I did my best to make the best of it. My line sisters and I would have Facetime dates and I’d even come to terms with canceling my Spring Break trip to Houston with my friends. I was even rejoicing in the fact that I’d smartly purchased travel insurance and I’d be able to get a full refund. Ain’t God good? I even looked at this inconvenience as an opportunity to work on my waistline and started to hit the park daily for a minimum of 3 miles, in a quest to be healthy. As you can see, I was making lemonade with the bowl full of lemons that the universe was dishing out. However one must remember that lemonade can still wind up sour. By the 11th day, I’d developed a blister on my poorly manicured feet due to increased exercise and closed nail salons. The lemonade was indeed starting to sour.
Rona drove me a little crazy!
I don’t know the exact statistics of millennials like me who suffer from anxiety, but I’m willing to bet nearly half of people my age suffer from anxiety on a regular basis, especially if they’ve achieved a four year degree and are trying to maintain a career in this dog eat dog world that was made a mess by the baby boomers. Well not only did the blister form on the 11th day but my anxiety did as well. I can’t go anywhere! I’m off work and I can’t hop in the ride and go to Nashville to see my friends…. I can’t see my momma! That last one hit me the hardest, I mean I see my mom once a month anyways because of work, but not being able to just pop up on her whenever I want was making me anxious. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that my mom is my everything, that’s my girl, that’s my bestie. So I leaned on what my bestie always told me to do when times get rough, prayer. During this time, I prayed pretty much around the clock, three or four times a day to get me through the anxious feeling of helplessness and being caged in. I’m a free spirit and being confined is something that doesn’t interest me in any capacity. Many people are still walking this earth because I don’t want to do time and that’s real. With the prayer, I continued to try and make the best out of things. The social media world had started to embrace a new form of entertainment, on April 4th, we got the epic battle of T-Pain versus Lil John, so things were starting to look up. I’d diminished my anxiety with prayer and music. My happiness was also punctuated with the fact that our family grew with the birth of my great-nephew, August.
Rona said listen!
The last stage of what Rona is doing to me began on April 7th. It’s amazing how your sixth sense can kick and you can tell when something is about to shift or when something is coming. Well on the night of April 6th, I had a devil of a time trying to sleep. The devil was surely on his way, over into April 6th turning into April 7th, I got a text from the ex. ***insert eternal side eye*** I’m not even going to elaborate on what the text said, it’s not worth it, but that Rona was making everyone reflect huh? I reflected on a lot. I started to be a bit more thankful. First of all, even though I really miss human contact and even human touch, I am so grateful that I’m not quarantined with the ex or any ex. Thank God! My heart goes out to anyone who’s quarantined with someone they’re not too fond of right now. I started to hear God more through the solitude. He’s been speaking to me a lot about the future and when all of this is over, I have some major decisions to make. But most important, I learned that those decisions are between only God and me.
Hello World. I wanted to share with you all what I’ve been up to. About a week ago, I finally uploaded my manuscript, Bryce August, The Beginning to Amazon Kindle Publishing for release. This has been one great, amazing, scary journey. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that writing is my passion but learning how to make your ideas come alive isn’t always easy. For years, I have struggled with trying to find the right way to publish and many other things. So this post is meant to discuss my project and give my readers information towards checking my project out.
What is Bryce August, The Beginning about?
Bryce August is the main character of the book and he’s telling the story of his life. He’s a 21 year old college student who’s a part of a prominent black family who’s held onto generational wealth for years by arranging all of the marriages in their families. He’s faced with a dilemma of going against the family norm and risking his birthright and inheritance.
What Genre Does Bryce August, The Beginning fall under?
Bryce August is an erotic romance novel, it’s a love story but there are a lot of racy elements in the story that are not suitable for those under the age of 18 and those who aren’t comfortable reading about sex.
We are gathered here to lament the traditional, pure memory of romance. As it’s been watered down and diluted that the idea of it in its purest form has become a flicker and a whisper of its former being.
This precious beautiful idea has been marred by technology, social media and the acceptance of low expectations. Join me as I eulogize this half-dead illusion. Let’s us rejoice in these romantic song lyrics.
“We were lovers through and through and though we made it through the storm, I really want you to realize, I really want to put you on, I’ve been searching for someone to satisfy my every need, won’t you be my inspiration and be the real love that I need.” -Mary J. Blige.
These immortal words are the lyrics of the iconic Mary J. Blige and her iconic song, “Real Love” of the timeless “What’s the 411?” album. These were the types of lyrics that were the soundtrack of our ideas of love as 80s babies, however now as 80s babies, we are millennials in a world where this 90s R&B feel isn’t in the pursuit of love anymore, which makes me wonder, what happened to romance? Was it murdered? If so, who killed it? Who will be the love detective who solves this mystery?
This lovely notion of romance didn’t just stop at the music we listened to, it was in the movies we loved and recited through poetry. “I gather up each sound you left behind and stretch them on our bed. Each night I breathe you and become high”, those words were uttered by Nia Long as Nina Mosely in the movie Love Jones, words that she quoted from Harlem Renaissance writer and Afro-icon, Sonia Sanchez. With romantic contributors such as Mary J. Blige and Sonia Sanchez highlighting the beauty and complexities of love no wonder those like me are completely devoid of the notion because, in today’s world, things just aren’t like that.
My ideas of love and romance as a teenager and then college student were illuminated by the sounds of men who sang about the beauty of loving a woman even through heartbreak. I grew up believing that a man should formally ask a woman on a date (LL Cool J, Hey Lover) and even call her to have a meaningful conversation leading up to the encounter. My thoughts are that men are supposed to make the date, be on time, and give the woman their undivided attention during the encounter. Wow? I sound archaic huh? Even though I’m only 34.
The reality isn’t that dreamy nowadays.
Men don’t call, they text…. They text all damn day!
They don’t ask you out, they DM or attempt to FaceTime.
They don’t make real dates and give undivided attention, what is that?
This reality is so sad, no wonder the world of love is so jaded, romance is seemingly dead. Or it’s been completely watered down. So what is the cause of such?
What has happened that has allowed people to deem all of this as acceptable?
When did “wyd” suffice as picking up the phone and admitting that you’d been thinking of a person all day? Hell even if I’m lying, the entire notion is beautiful.
What happened to true romance?
Now, I don’t mean that a man has to spend tremendous amounts of money in pursuit of the notion however the effort is what I’m referring to as of now. The effort just isn’t there. Nor do I mean that the entire notion is just confined to the male species. I can be quite romantic to a deserving man. So again, what happened?
Of course, my ideas on the tragic disappearance of romance would be futile, if I didn’t ask the men in my circle their ideas on the matter. On an engaging Sunday afternoon at a dear friend of mine’s new home, I asked several men what they thought about the fleeting idea of romance.
There were several retorts about it that included that women are too independent nowadays, the idea of submission is extinct and the effort is sometimes chastised by the women so a lot of men don’t even bother to try. All of their opinions were valid and I didn’t disagree with anything that they said. Although I have some extended ideas about that whole thing about “submission” but that’s an extensive topic for a different day.
Truth be told, I believe that romance is an endangered species, not completely dead but the attempted assassination of this precious thing can be attributed to so many murderous factors but romance can be resurrected.
With all of that being said, one must understand that romance is subjective, multi-faceted, full of possibilities.
For me, romance is simple.
Calling me just to hear my voice.
Planning something different, because spontaneity is the spice of life.
Texting me while you know I’m dead asleep all of the things about me that you love, admire and respect.
Bringing me dinner after a long day.
Sending me a poem of how I make you feel.
Asking me to go workout with you.
Bookmarking a book that I’m reading with a note.
Leaving me your favorite hoodie to borrow for a while.
Actually talking to me.
Sending me a song/playlist on Spotify.
Leaving a single flower on my doorstep with a note.
Riding through the city listening to trap music.
Initiating a pillow fight.
You see gentlemen, romance doesn’t have to expensive, nor does it have to be complex, but coming from a busy, ambitious, millennial woman, I’m telling you, it’s still needed. With the right woman, of course, your efforts will be appreciated.
This past January marked three years since I lost my dear friend EJ, it has been extremely difficult, each day doesn’t get easier, just go by. Things are especially challenging when you have those around you are ingenuine. So I’ve been removing those show themselves as such. Just like we should be in love with our significant others, we need to love our friends too. If you don’t have friends around you who loved you the way my friend EJ did, I feel sorry for you. He was real, he was raw and he stayed true. Not too many people can do and show love while being true to themselves. Rest in Love, dear sweet friend.
Greetings all! 2019 is here. I declare that this year will be glorious! We will succeed in every way conceivable. I love the New Year. It gives us a legitimate reason to reflect on the year that has passed and think about how we can improve or tweak things that need such. I try not to make New Year’s resolutions as they are almost always unsuccessful. Instead, I just strive to do better. Last year, I vowed to open up to my friends more and I think I did a good job. This year, I strive to just go harder in every way possible. Of course, you know 2016, 2017 and 2018 owes me a boyfriend. LOL! You know I had to throw it in there. But we’ll reflect on that another day. Today, I choose to reflect on accountability and why it’s so important.
Personally, I think that a lot of people are not successful in their New Year’s resolution or other goals due to a lack of accountability. As an educator, accountability is a word that I know all too much about. Accountability in one’s career is important but I believe it is much more important in one’s personal life. The lack of self-accountability is the main culprit with our unsuccessful pursuits, but exactly where is accountability needed the most whether it’s accountability of one’s self or others.
“Accountability feels like an attack when you aren’t ready to admit and own up to your transgressions.”
Too often in the black community, we do not hold ourselves accountable, for even the smallest things. I mean think about it, how often growing up did our parents actually apologize to us when they made a mistake? Not too often, they just carried on. No one held them accountable for an apology. When there was a boy or girl in the neighborhood who was a known bully, how many times did anyone make them accountable for the terror that they delivered to the innocent? Almost never. Our ideas of accountability in that aspect was to dethrone the bully with another tyrant. We aren’t even accountable with our food choices even after we know better. We know that we are genetically predisposed to diabetes and hypertension but still every holiday season we are scarfing down chitterlings and all of the other things that we shouldn’t be ingesting coupled with a regular diet that is just plain unhealthy. All of this is due to a lack of accountability. Come on people we have to do better. With all of that being said, I think the largest deficit of accountability is how we treat others.
Accountability with Friends and the Opposite Sex
Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable which is the acceptance of responsibility for one’s actions. It sounds simple once you read the definition, but I’m telling you to put it into action requires one to put on their adult drawers and recognize that you have to be as responsible for your wrongs as much as you are for your rights. With personal reflection, I have realized that many of us are not being accountable with the relationships that we are a part of. First and foremost, getting some people to apologize is like getting Jacquees to admit that he is not the King of R&B, it’s downright impossible. Did I pronounce his name right? Eh, who cares? You get it.
You will have people in your life that you call friends and they do sh*t to you that you know they wouldn’t want to be done to them. Then when you call them out on it, they’d rather avoid you than to apologize. This is all due to their lack of accountability, more importantly, the lack of a desire to be held accountable. Doesn’t that seem crazy to you? These will be the same people who will cry “victim, victim, victim” whenever someone commits an infraction against them.
It’s called being an adult to get called out on your sh*t and own up to it. Look, I did it, I was wrong, I’m sorry and I’ll do my best not to let it happen again.
I have witnessed female friends who will not support their friend when she’s embarking upon a new journey or venture but that same friend is there for every milestone, birthday, baby shower, etc. Truth be told, I have been the girl who’s supportive but when it comes down to me, my “friends” fall short. True to form, those less than supportive friends would rather avoid the backlash and then all of a sudden they disappear. Friendship shouldn’t be a one-sided journey. If you are that friend who is doing most of the giving, call these people out and if they cannot be accountable for their actions, then it’s time to leave them where they are. They aren’t worthy right now, they don’t want to be accountable and pretty soon, karma, the cousin will be on the horizon for them.
The same goes with the opposite sex. Hold these people accountable. There are some things that people shouldn’t have to put up with. If your significant other isn’t supportive, call them out on it. If your significant other is harsh with their actions and words, call them out on it. If they are doing anything that you do not like and is detrimental, call them out on it. If they cannot own it and change their behavior, then do you really need to be in a relationship with that person? My last observation when it comes to accountability with the opposite sex and with friends is this, why is that women would rather forgive their man for an infraction, but as soon as their friends make a mistake, it’s unforgivable? With men, it’s just the opposite, they will forgive their boys in a New York minute but punish their lover for wrongdoings. That’s very interesting and crazy.
Dealing with family can be tricky. Depending on the family member, you don’t want to be disrespectful and no matter what you do, they are always family. With that being said, you shouldn’t let family members off of the hook for doing shady sh*t whether it’s dealing directly with you or others. For instance, if you have a cousin whom you’re close with and he/she isn’t the best parent, challenge them to be a better parent. No one wants to be in the village anymore but the reality is, you ARE in the village, hell we all are. Your family’s lack of accountability may result in a less than desirable situation. How often have you heard of a crime being committed and then hearing from a family member that they aren’t surprised by the behavior? Whenever I hear that I wonder two things: Did someone call them out on their sh*t and were they accountable for their wrongdoings? I will guarantee you that the answer to both of those questions is no and no.
Regardless if a person is a relative or not, we must hold one another accountable. If they owe you money, call them out on it. If they have the tendency of putting their children off on people frequently, call them out on it. If they are constantly seeking support from family members, but not reciprocating, call them out on it. Trust me, it’s needed. Do it with love but do it.
Accountability with Yourself
This one is the hardest to deal with by far. We all know this. If this wasn’t the case, no one would make the same New Years Resolution every single year. It’s a hard pill to swallow but if you cannot swallow it, you won’t ever reach your full potential. Two years ago, I took it upon myself to make sure I apologize whenever I was doing something wrong, no matter how small it was. That level of accountability was small but it moved mountains for me because not only did it help me to build better relationships with those around me but it opened my eyes to others who aren’t as accountable as they could be. If you cannot call yourself out on your own sh*t, how can you call someone else out on theirs? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone, no one is exempt. Deal with it.
In conclusion, own your sh*t. Fix your sh*t. It’s just that simple because if you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t you do it to someone else and if by chance you make a mistake and do it, own it. Trust me, it makes all of the difference in any kind of a relationship. I’d rather be friends with someone who genuinely cares about being there for me than a narcissist who only cares about themselves and the same thing goes for a relationship. When it comes to family, you can’t really get rid of them but you can definitely move differently if they aren’t being held accountable. No one is aiming to be confrontational or combative, accountability is meant to elevate. Come on, it’s 2019 people, do better.
January is a hard month for me. Last year on the 5th, my cousin Bridgett had a terrible accident, by the grace of God, she’s rehabilitating, is on the mend. The absolute worst thing about January is the anniversary of losing my dear, departed friend, EJ. I dedicate every blog to him because I miss him so much. EJ was one of those friends who would call you on your sh*t and I thank God every day that I had him as a friend. Rest in Love sweet friend, I miss you.
Hello all! I pray that the Fall has been good to you already. For me, it’s been a bit of fun as usual but also a lot of hard work. I’m proud to report that I’ve hired someone to proofread my first manuscript and I’m working on the second manuscript in my fictional series. Now how I’m going to publish such is another story. With all of that being said, as I work on my professional accomplishments I always try and reflect a bit on my personal life or lack thereof. Above you see a meme that I posted earlier this week on my social media pages and it’s sparked my post of today. For those of you that are listening instead of reading the post, the meme simply states “It’s hard being a girl and real nigga at the same time”, now I changed the “N” word for the sake of the title and for those of you who aren’t black, I’m sure you have some ideas about what that means, but in case you are clueless I’m going to break it down. That word has a lot of connotations, a lot of which are negative but within the African-American community, we are great at flipping things and sometimes within the context of the conversation we can mean that in a positive way when referring to oneself. Nevertheless, I’ll give you some synonyms on what that means in this context. You can substitute the word with either of the following: chick, intelligent person, a person that isn’t for games or simply real again. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me elaborate as to how that plays into my life as of now.
My approach to dating is the same as it is with my overall standard of living. I work hard, I play hard, I’m straightforward, I am caring, I don’t like a lot of pretenses and I am a true romantic. I have a romantic outlook on a lot of things. I think life is an adventure which is why I am enamored with traveling and experiencing new settings. Nothing is more flowery to me than doing something that I’ve never done before or going somewhere I’ve never been before. However just as you cannot leave the country without your passport, one cannot get to the romantic side of me without being real. My walls cannot crumble if I can’t trust you. Therefore, I reflect what I expect. I am a real chick. I want you to be real with me. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t send me mixed messages. By mixed messages I mean, saying that you want to see someone but all you do is text, you say you want to see a girl but you don’t ever plan an opportunity to see her. WTF? It’s hard being a real nigga and a girl at the same time because a lot of women will let this ish go on and on and on and on…. but yours truly, naw.
I won’t be all needy and clingy and girly about the matter. I’ll even speak when you see me but when you ask me what’s up? I’m going to explicitly tell you what’s up.
Them versus me
The typical girl allows you to tell her a blatant lie, I won’t. I’ll call you out on it, you’re not being truthful. There it is.
The typical girl stalks your page. I simply pay closer attention to whom you’re giving your social media attention to. Whose posts are you liking, commenting on and interacting with?
The typical girl is content with those “good morning” texts and messages all damn day but I am not. Especially if that’s all you’re doing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know I’m on your mind but who else is on your mind? I can send multiple “good morning” texts just like you can.
The typical girl will get violent when you do her wrong and do all of these ludicrous things to your belongings and you while I’m very different. Meaning I will do nothing. Trust me, nothing resonates quite loudly and it does a lot of damage because as I do nothing, I will also isolate myself from you and deny you the gift that is me, trust me, I’m a gift.
The typical girl wants you to have her all over your page and put on appearances for the masses while I’m not that girl. I just want something that is real. Truly real, if you want to post me, post me, but don’t post me and then be lying to me and making me look like a damn fool because I’m not here for that at all. Whenever I’m not here for something, I’m gone in every sense of the word.
The reality of what my love life has gone like lately can be summed up in a similar exchange:
Men: Women should tell us what they want.
Me: This is explicitly what I want. (Provides a literal step by step list)
Men: What do you want?
Me: I just told you and provided a list.
Men: I mean, I’m sorry, I can’t figure out what I did wrong.
Me: Okay. **Exits stage left**
The true reality is that many men say that want a girl who doesn’t like drama, who is explicit about her wants, who is determined, who is faithful, who is beautiful, who is smart and who will enrich their lives but is it what they’re ready for? They aren’t. They are so used to the turmoil, drama, and dysfunction so much that they don’t even realize it. Therefore when they are faced with a girl who’s also a real nigga, they don’t know what to do?
I had a friend, he was also a real nigga and he left a daughter on this earth, a daughter who I saw turn 8 on last week. I am so glad that I can be there for her but I certainly wish he was still here in the physical form for all of us. I miss you my dear friend E.J. and just know that each day without you, is a little less bright, because you were a light to us all.
Greetings all! Fall is upon us whenever summer decides to take its leave. I think everyone will be glad when summer decides to depart. As summer is trying its best to hang on, so is my single status. LOL! You knew it was coming. Blog after blog, post after post, my singleness has not changed but my insight has shifted.
I will not sacrifice my spirit for a man.
I will repeat that again.
I will not sacrifice my spirit for a man.
As time passes, days turn into nights, weeks into months and months into seasons there are times when I’m concerned with being in a relationship but more often than not, I’m not concerned. What I’m more concerned with is my spirit. When was the last time you ever just wondered or pondered about your spirit? The double-edged sword that comes with being alone, is being alone. Sometimes you love it and sometimes the quiet is loud and it gives you the opportunity to really reflect. Reflection is good.
My spirit is enigmatic. There are times when my spirit is loud, it’s rambunctious and restless. I want to travel, explore and do hoodrat shit with my friends and it’s glorious. Many of my best memories are built from the enigma that is me. You can’t put me into a box, I won’t fit.
My spirit is discerning. I read vibes, I listen to my body, my heart, my mind, and thus my spirit moves accordingly. Everyone doesn’t deserve the privilege of being near me because we’re not traveling in similar paths in life. I think it’s selfish to take up or entertain someone that you know you can’t get down with. Listen to the signs. They are there for a reason.
My spirit is nurturing. To the people who are in my life, they will tell you that it’s something in my spirit that makes sure that I take care of those who I love, even when they don’t necessarily return the favor. I am the friend who will have all of the necessities in my purse for a night out, I am the friend that will make sure you eat physically and metaphorically and who will put your wants before that of my own. With that being said, my spirit loves to nurture, but my spirit cannot be trampled.
My spirit is sensual. I embrace my feminity straight from the motherland punctuated by melanin shining on the surface and rooted in the truth of my goodness. My sensuality isn’t to be shared with just anyone.
So again, I won’t sacrifice my spirit for a man. But my spirit will be adorned by a king.
I have come to the realization that I just may wind up alone for the rest of my life because what I desire in a king may not be in the environment in which I reside. My energetic, enigmatic spirit cannot be cultivated with a man who doesn’t have the financial resources to accompany me as I explore. Money equates to power and power equates freedom. Finance has its place in romance despite what people will have you believe. Realize this. If I was to sacrifice this restless portion of my spirit, am I truly being fair to myself? What about the inviting part of my spirit? Shit, put it on out there, everyone isn’t deserving. Do I put up with the asshole just because he’s there? Absolutely not. Exit stage left. Somewhere along the line, many women allowed many men to feel as though the only qualifications that they need are a penis and a pulse and that makes them deserving of us. Well, not this woman. If my spirit deflects you, so will I.
My nurturing spirit needs to make my love a sandwich. I want to sing Ella Mai’s Breakfast in Bed while providing such. Nurturing has its place, therefore, it must be given to the right man, not just anyone. The nurturing of one’s significant other is quite different from the nurturing of a child. A child deserves nurturing simply upon creation but a significant other only receives such when they reciprocate the care. A man who provides emotional security deserves a nurturing environment but one who only brings chaos isn’t deserving of my love.
After a series of bad dates. A couple of ghosting instances the realization came to me. I’m not saying that I lost hope, I’m saying that I faced the reality. What I desire in my love life just may not happen. Relationships are no longer partnerships of people who want to share instead situations where someone is trying to feed off the other person. Scientifically, humans are no longer in symbiotic relationships anymore, instead, they are more parasitic in nature. I wasn’t raised to be a parasite nor the prey.
I won’t allow my spirit to be preyed upon but I pray that spirit is cherished by the right king. With the appreciation of my spirit and the pride that I have in cultivating such, I am liberated by the fact that alone my spirit is intact. That is a beautiful thing. Therefore if my lone status is eradicated, just know that my spirit won’t be hurt either. A relationship is built on compromise, that I don’t mind but sacrifice I will not do.
With this realization, I am liberated.
My spirit is a gift from God but it was cultivated by Papi. He is coursing through every enigmatic, energetic thing that I do. He taught me to be loving and to be a great friend, as time goes on without my dear friend, EJ, sadness still lingers but the hope is greater. If these two men who were taken from me loved me unconditionally, certainly there lies someone else but just in case there isn’t, I can remember that for a very long time, there were two.