single men

Greetings! I hope that 2016 has been good to you all. A new year brings new things, new styles, new ideas and new fads. One thing that isn’t new to 2016 is our Social Media driven society. Let’s be honest some of us check on Facebook and Instagram posts more than we check on our friends daily. In my daily findings in the world of Social Media, I noticed a new edition to 2016, a brand new hashtag, that hashtag is #WASTEHERTIME2016 and #WASTEHISTIME2016. Now far be it from me to spoil anyone’s fun, I’m all for fun, if you know me personally you’d know that I’m probably one of the goofiest people on the planet. I will tell a dirty joke just as well as the next person and even though I know it’s a stigma behind it, I love to Dab just as much as Carolina’s star quarterback, Cam Newton. I am an advocate of fun. However I do not know why it’s so funny to waste people’s time when it comes to relationships? Obviously some of these people who have created these hashtags fall in one of the two categories. People who have never had their time wasted or ones who have and are trying to heal their pain with humor, no matter their diagnosis, I just wonder where is the line between really funny and just plain real?

Wasted time is worse than wasted money because you cannot get time back, when time is gone, it’s gone however money is just an object that can be regained just like numerous other things created by man. I am coming from the perspective of a woman who has had her time wasted and I’m telling you it’s definitely real for me not funny in any aspect. Let’s explore the idea of wasted time in greater detail.

#WASTEHERTIME2016 “We’ve been dating for 2 months and then you say you’re not ready for a committed relationship.”

I enjoy many of my Instagram followers, one in particular, a multi-talented young lady who goes by the moniker @indeskribeabull and one of her latest videos chronicled this phenomenon. Men are quick to call women crazy but who is really crazy? I’ll be the first to admit that we can be moody, but if you’ve been wining and dining me for a long period of time and we’re doing “relationship” type things why am I crazy for thinking that’s the road that we’re headed towards? Understanding is the best thing in the world and in the beginning of new relationships, situationships or any type of dating set up it’s best to gain clarity on what both parties want as soon as possible. On the other hand, men are many things but stupid isn’t one of those things, I personally think they know exactly what they are doing as do women. Oftentimes men will give women what they believe they want in order to get what they want however men should know that the straightforward approach will get you far more than you’d ever believe. Why is it that being straightforward is so unpopular? Who knows the both of you may want the same thing and if you don’t why go through the entire song and dance to waste someone else’s time and possibly cause them heartache just because of what you want? That alone is selfish and cold. Just remember that karma is a bitch who has everyone’s address if you’re in favor of wasting someone else’s time for your own personal benefit.

#WASTEHISTIME2016 “Vent to him how you’re single and need a boyfriend, then ask him if his brother is single?”

Contrary to the soapbox that many women tend to stand on men have feelings too. Many don’t want their feelings hurt nor time wasted no more that I would. I know many men who are unfairly “friend-zoned” and just like men aren’t oblivious, women are the most cunning of the species so we know when a guy is feeling us, especially if we’ve spent time with the guy or is he “sliding into our DM’s” regularly therefore if you are a hateful young woman who would participate in this particularly mean exchange then karma will find you soon as well. Men and women both play games and this is a harmful pawn in an all too familiar game of relationship chess, making someone else feel badly while we boost our own ego. Why must it be this way? If you don’t want someone, why can’t you just come out and say that to them? Why must you play around with their emotions? Who knows if you’re upfront with someone, you just might gain a new friend instead of adding to a list of people who may harbor some resentment for you.

By the same token, I’ve been the woman who turns down a guy flat cold and because of that I am labeled as “cold”, “mean” or I’m sure a “bitch” but why is that so? I know what I want and what I don’t want therefore I don’t want to waste someone else’s time because I wouldn’t want someone to do it to me. “Do as to others” is the golden rule. The reality is that it’s all fun until someone gets hurt. No one wants to be hurt, no one wants their time wasted, so just don’t. Be upfront with one another. But sometimes the upfront person is deemed as the villain due to a society filled with mixed signals, if you aren’t one who chooses to behave in the same manner then you’re the bad guy. Well say hello to the bad guy, I’d rather be called that than a time pirate. So trust me when I say “no” I mean it and when I say “yes” I mean the same as well.

When did straightforward become taboo? When did it become dull and lame? Since when is mixed signals the preferred manner of dealing with one another? If you’re just looking for a good time, say it, he or she may be looking for the same and then there is no confusion. Understanding is a beautiful thing and quite frankly life is too short to be wasting time on anyone that doesn’t want the same as you do.

SMOOCHES!

Marriage is often a hot topic among single women, especially since the holidays just ended and the New Year is here. It seems as though the entire world except me has become engaged and is one step closer to the final destination of marriage. However I can’t help but wonder are they heading towards a marriage made in heaven or matrimonial hell? Who is really ready for marriage?

Let’s explore the institution in itself. Marriage can be looked at in the traditional sense and in very modern ways as well. In the traditional and biblical scope of things, marriage is a sacrament, it’s sacred and therefore it is something that should be taken seriously. But is it in these modern times? Or is it just something that people are trying? Long marriages aren’t so prevalent in today’s society. As a young woman, I have some peers who are already on marriage number two and in one instance three. This alone makes me think are we taking it seriously? Or is it just a fad or trend? I also wonder what makes a person truly marriage material?

Traditionally the role of a husband is to be a provider in many ways. This is true because of Adam, it was Adam’s role to cultivate the garden, you can find this reference in Genesis 2:15, we translate this into man being the ultimate provider. Even after the fall in Genesis 3:17 Adam’s role did not change. In our world we acknowledge that the man should be a spiritual and financial provider. When it comes to the woman, Eve is the blueprint, she was made to be a helper, that is clearly defined in Genesis 2:18. In our world, traditionally the woman has held down all of the things in the household and I believe because she came from Adam’s rib, she’s always supposed to be by his side, not by behind him contrary to popular belief.

Man is the provider. Woman is the support system. Simple. Or is it? Contemporary women may in fact accept the man as a provider but there is a fine line between provider and an ATM (All The Man’s Money). Things change, things evolve. Should you marry a man primarily because of his financial status? Does that alone make him prime marriage potential? The woman as a support system can be misconstrued as well. Traditionally we have translated Eve’s role as the one who cooks well, cleans the house, maintains the household and most importantly sticks by the man’s side. However is there a time when a woman is no longer a support system but a doormat instead? Just because a woman sticks around and sticks around and sticks around, does that make her the ultimate wife?

What are the true qualities of a good spouse? Let’s explore the obvious ones.

#1 Loyalty

This one is a no-brainer. No man wants a woman that’s sleeping around and truth be told no woman wants a man that does that either. Women want to feel secure and no one can feel secure with a person who is disloyal. This is a universal truth that everyone knows. Everyone knows this, but still cheating is the number one reason why people break up and many women feel unsecure. If everyone knows this universal truth why is it that so many have twice as many justifications for the opposition of monogamy instead of reasons to remain true?

#2 Reliable

I believe that reliability is a key asset. That’s one of the reasons why men usually like a woman who is going to take care of home. Chances are if she’s taking care of your living space then she’s reliable in other aspects such as money, health and personal assets. When it comes to women, none of us want a man that we can’t count on. In addition to us wanting you around, we sometimes need you to do things that we may not necessarily want to handle such as servicing the car, fixing things and dealing with the unsavory cable installer.

#3 Spirituality

No one wants someone who’s worshipping the devil or making sacrifices to Satan. You need to serve a higher power, Jesus Christ, Yahweh, Allah or Buddha. An ultimate necessity because no one wants to entrust their life to someone who doesn’t answer to any one other than himself. Chances are if a person is spiritual then they will have your well-being at heart. But one still must be cautious, always. God said to love everyone but put all of your faith and trust in him.

Essentially whether or not a person is marriage material is subjective, it is definitely up for interpretation. Some ideas differ from the ideas of others, but the institution is no joke. No matter who is allowed to get married now, no matter if you don’t identify with the biblical ramifications behind it and you just recognize it as a legal or binding union the fact is that when you marry someone you are placing your life in their hands. If you marry someone then everything that is yours becomes theirs, they now have the right to make medical decisions for you if you are incapacitated, would you want to put your life in the hands of someone who’s disloyal, unreliable and has no sense of morality? Well with all that in mind, you have to ask yourself, are you truly marriage material or not?

SMOOCHES!

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

Tag

Wasting Someone’s Time: A Fine Line Between Really Funny or Real?

Marriage Material? Are you suitable or unfit?