dating

Greetings all! I hope that November has been great for you all. I pray that your lives are filled with great anticipation and expectations for the upcoming holiday season and that you’re on the verge of planning some spectacular fall fun. I absolutely love the fall. It’s my favorite season because the leaves remind us how beautiful things can be. With that notion of beauty, I took the advice of my fitness instructor, who has a beautiful outlook on life. She’s in love, and being around her, love radiates with everything she does, even when she’s trying to kill her students with weighted drills. My fitness instructor encouraged me to join Match.com. Now mind you, I was skeptical. Of course, I was skeptical. If you’re a frequent reader of my blog, you know that I’ve had some dating troubles. But I could get with her optimism because even though I’ve been unlucky in love, I try to be optimistic and grateful that things aren’t worse. By worse, I mean I could be emotionally tied to someone emotionally unavailable. I could have a child with someone I loathe or be in a physically abusive situation. I am grateful for all of the bad things that haven’t happened to me.

Other than the fact that I’m alone, I have a really great life. I have a career that I care about, I have a healthy family, I have some great friends, I travel frequently, and I laugh regularly. The only thing missing is a love life. So, I took my fitness instructor’s advice and tried Match. What the hell? If all else fails, I’ll have some great material for my readers and things to tell my friends at parties. Well readers, do you think I’ve had a positive or negative experience? ****drumroll please****

The Top 10 Things I’ve Discovered Using Match.com

10. Many people are delusional about what they really look like.

Match allows you to categorize your body type, and some of the categories consist of the following: Curvy, a few extra pounds, slim/slender, or fit. I’m sure I missed a couple, but these are the major buckets. I chose the curvy moniker because it’s true, I am curvy; I have the boobs, hips, and thighs to prove it. I also chose more than 10 pictures to add to my profile. I did that because I want possible suitors to know exactly what they’re getting. I’m big on reciprocity and true representation. I’ve always believed that women are usually harder on themselves than men will ever be, and Match.com proved that my belief is correct. I was matched with a guy who kept pressuring me to send him photos because he claimed he could only see me from the waist up on my 10 photos. Red Flag Alert. You should never send photos to anyone you barely know. So I expressed that and told him that we should meet somewhere instead. He agreed to the meeting. Well, I have to report to you, that instead of him being so concerned about my body, I should’ve been more concerned about his. His photos missed about thirty pounds of what I saw in person, usually, the camera adds pounds which lets me know that those photos had been taken a time ago, man boobies weren’t displayed on Match.com at all.

9. If you ever thought “most men are obsessed with sex”, take that thought and hold onto it tight. You are NOT wrong.

I cannot tell you how many times virtual strangers offered me massages, cunnilingus, and sexual intercourse. You’d think that sort of behavior was limited to Bumble or Tinder, but Match.com has its share of perverts as well. I am NOT that girl. That’s the quickest way to be a memory to me. What is wrong with you people?

8. An accomplished woman is immediately subjected to scrutiny.

The following happened when men discovered that I have a graduate degree, written three books, and a leadership position in education: (1) Being asked numerous times, “Do you think that your focus on your career has caused you to neglect your love life?” (2) Go on a date with someone, they walk you to your car, and then their facial expression sours at the sight of the Audi I drive. (3) The conversation becomes less frequent and drier when they learn about your accomplishments… then they ghost you altogether. Le sigh…

7. You should disregard your preferences.

Even the actual Match.com app wants you to settle. My preferences include wanting someone who wants a commitment and someone who wants to have children. Match.com frequently sends me profiles of men who don’t want something serious and those who don’t want children. Then there are the men who “like” you and are aware of your preferences that clearly contradict with theirs. So when you reject their “like” they continue to message you because “you’re just so sexy.” What the hell? Just because you give me some attention, I’m supposed to swoon and disregard what I want.

6. Asking a woman out, “What’s that?”

Matches would rather chat with you for weeks than actually meet with you. I almost always suggested meetings. However, the ones who want to have sex have no problem with dropping an address or even asking “Could they come over?” Who raised y’all?

5. No profile picture

Moving right along.

4. Your ex is on Match.com and has the nerve to send you a like.

GO. TO. HELL

3. Long distances seem to be the thing.

Again, Match.com tries to get me to disregard my preferences. I select a 40-mile range, and yet they allow people all over the damn country to see my profile. This makes my spidey senses tingle for a multitude of reasons. It’s hard enough trying to determine if a local man has genuine intentions, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to wreck my brain about someone in Damascus, AR. By the way, where the hell is Damascus, AR?

2. The gangbangers we knew in our 20s are now 40.

What grown-ass man is throwing up gang signs on a dating profile photo? What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

And finally, #1. Prisoners have Match.com on their phones too.

Yeah, I don’t need to say much, except I know a prison photo when I see it.

Well friends, my time with this post is ending and I’m happy to say my three months with Match.com is ending and I am so glad. I am still single, I still have no prospects, and I’m still going to enjoy the life I have. Even though my experience wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be, I am thankful just in time for Thanksgiving. I am thankful for this list of ten. (1) My health (2) My family and friends (3) My creativity (4) My discernment—It’s unmatched (5) My relationship with God. (6) My sense of wonder (7) My love for myself (8) I’ve written three books bitch (9) I’m not tied to anyone’s toxicity (10) My Match.com subscription is ending in two weeks.

My love life is strictly in God’s hands now.

SMOOCHES!

Greetings! I hope that 2016 has been good to you all. A new year brings new things, new styles, new ideas and new fads. One thing that isn’t new to 2016 is our Social Media driven society. Let’s be honest some of us check on Facebook and Instagram posts more than we check on our friends daily. In my daily findings in the world of Social Media, I noticed a new edition to 2016, a brand new hashtag, that hashtag is #WASTEHERTIME2016 and #WASTEHISTIME2016. Now far be it from me to spoil anyone’s fun, I’m all for fun, if you know me personally you’d know that I’m probably one of the goofiest people on the planet. I will tell a dirty joke just as well as the next person and even though I know it’s a stigma behind it, I love to Dab just as much as Carolina’s star quarterback, Cam Newton. I am an advocate of fun. However I do not know why it’s so funny to waste people’s time when it comes to relationships? Obviously some of these people who have created these hashtags fall in one of the two categories. People who have never had their time wasted or ones who have and are trying to heal their pain with humor, no matter their diagnosis, I just wonder where is the line between really funny and just plain real?

Wasted time is worse than wasted money because you cannot get time back, when time is gone, it’s gone however money is just an object that can be regained just like numerous other things created by man. I am coming from the perspective of a woman who has had her time wasted and I’m telling you it’s definitely real for me not funny in any aspect. Let’s explore the idea of wasted time in greater detail.

#WASTEHERTIME2016 “We’ve been dating for 2 months and then you say you’re not ready for a committed relationship.”

I enjoy many of my Instagram followers, one in particular, a multi-talented young lady who goes by the moniker @indeskribeabull and one of her latest videos chronicled this phenomenon. Men are quick to call women crazy but who is really crazy? I’ll be the first to admit that we can be moody, but if you’ve been wining and dining me for a long period of time and we’re doing “relationship” type things why am I crazy for thinking that’s the road that we’re headed towards? Understanding is the best thing in the world and in the beginning of new relationships, situationships or any type of dating set up it’s best to gain clarity on what both parties want as soon as possible. On the other hand, men are many things but stupid isn’t one of those things, I personally think they know exactly what they are doing as do women. Oftentimes men will give women what they believe they want in order to get what they want however men should know that the straightforward approach will get you far more than you’d ever believe. Why is it that being straightforward is so unpopular? Who knows the both of you may want the same thing and if you don’t why go through the entire song and dance to waste someone else’s time and possibly cause them heartache just because of what you want? That alone is selfish and cold. Just remember that karma is a bitch who has everyone’s address if you’re in favor of wasting someone else’s time for your own personal benefit.

#WASTEHISTIME2016 “Vent to him how you’re single and need a boyfriend, then ask him if his brother is single?”

Contrary to the soapbox that many women tend to stand on men have feelings too. Many don’t want their feelings hurt nor time wasted no more that I would. I know many men who are unfairly “friend-zoned” and just like men aren’t oblivious, women are the most cunning of the species so we know when a guy is feeling us, especially if we’ve spent time with the guy or is he “sliding into our DM’s” regularly therefore if you are a hateful young woman who would participate in this particularly mean exchange then karma will find you soon as well. Men and women both play games and this is a harmful pawn in an all too familiar game of relationship chess, making someone else feel badly while we boost our own ego. Why must it be this way? If you don’t want someone, why can’t you just come out and say that to them? Why must you play around with their emotions? Who knows if you’re upfront with someone, you just might gain a new friend instead of adding to a list of people who may harbor some resentment for you.

By the same token, I’ve been the woman who turns down a guy flat cold and because of that I am labeled as “cold”, “mean” or I’m sure a “bitch” but why is that so? I know what I want and what I don’t want therefore I don’t want to waste someone else’s time because I wouldn’t want someone to do it to me. “Do as to others” is the golden rule. The reality is that it’s all fun until someone gets hurt. No one wants to be hurt, no one wants their time wasted, so just don’t. Be upfront with one another. But sometimes the upfront person is deemed as the villain due to a society filled with mixed signals, if you aren’t one who chooses to behave in the same manner then you’re the bad guy. Well say hello to the bad guy, I’d rather be called that than a time pirate. So trust me when I say “no” I mean it and when I say “yes” I mean the same as well.

When did straightforward become taboo? When did it become dull and lame? Since when is mixed signals the preferred manner of dealing with one another? If you’re just looking for a good time, say it, he or she may be looking for the same and then there is no confusion. Understanding is a beautiful thing and quite frankly life is too short to be wasting time on anyone that doesn’t want the same as you do.

SMOOCHES!

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

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Match…Mismatched Indeed!

Wasting Someone’s Time: A Fine Line Between Really Funny or Real?