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Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

The 80’s Baby Curse

darius-and-nina

Growing up Pretty Brown Eyes with a Vision of Love, conceived on the melodies of Green and Gaye,

This millenial perception of love has definitely led me astray.

I don’t mind struggling with All the Man that I need,

I’ll submit willingly to a man who can actually lead.

This idea of struggle resembles Nina and Darius, Bird and Lem,

Not that of a Kardashian who constantly has a new “him”.

This magnolia blossom dreams of Cruisin’, Anytime, Anyplace,

With a real man who has chivalrous tastes.

Today’s perception of love is distorted to say the least,

Which leaves one starving while desiring to feast.

What was once thought of as weak, is now perceived as strong,

All the while what used to be right is deemed as wrong.

IF ever I fall in love, I want it to be real,
Making him feed while giving him something he can feel. whitley-and-dwayne

Rest in Love to my dear friend, EJ, another 80’s baby who had a great capacity to love for his friends, family and the world.  The anniversary of your death is coming up and it was quite possibly the worst day of my life but I won’t be fueled by my disgust for how you were taken from us but be driven by the love and memories that you gifted us with.  God Bless you brother.  I love you dearly, Rest on. 

You will Earn or You’re Going to Learn

 

Happy Holidays all!  I certainly hope that you had a gluttonous Thanksgiving and a delightful Christmas with the hopes of a joyful New Year, I for one will be glad to say good bye to 2016 because it has been a year of many trials and thankfully so, a few triumphs as well.  As I reflect on my accomplishments this year, I also reflect on the current state of relationships or lack there of and it’s come to my attention that just as teenagers have a sense of entitlement in virtually every facet of life, many millenials believe that the opposite sex has the same approach towards dating.  That is an unhealthy sense of entitlement.

Entitlement is the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.  Inherently means that you think these privileges should be just bestowed upon one without having put forth any real effort.  Once I really reflected on the idea presented to me, I can see how this could be true.  The roles of men and women have definitely been distorted over the years, I can attest to that, however I do wonder has entitlement been one of the reasons that this is so.

Years ago, if you and a young man exchanged phone numbers, the woman expected the phone call however nowadays you’re lucky if they send you an initial text.  Are men entitled to the right to communicate in any way that they want to?  I mean, it’s not like miscommunication can occur through texts and communication isn’t that important, is it? But does the entitlement simply end here?  Certainly not, women are guilty of such as well.  We automatically think that we are entitled to expensive dinners and trappings just for being a woman, but is that realistic?  Is it right?  And does this entitled idea lead to men thinking they are entitled to sex after delivering the material goods?  Hmmm??? So if this is true, just what have you truly earned and if you hadn’t earned anything what must you learn from the entire situation?

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Entitled Expectations vs. Harsh Reality

Entitlement #1: Sex

This is an old staple that hasn’t really changed over the years, men think that if they do certain things then women will be more inclined to recline and expand their limbs in the boudoir! LOL! However it just doesn’t end there, the expectations that are aligned with sex don’t just end with giving it, it continues with delivery and frequency as well.  Men want women who are Victoria’s Secret models and porn stars all rolled into one.  Talk about unrealistic.  img_8541

Harsh Reality #1: Fat Chance

Even if you get a woman to put out at your demand, trust me there’s a tradeoff somewhere.  She’s going to expect something outrageous as a result and chances are if you want a woman of quality, she is not going to behave in such a deplorable way sexually right off the bat.  When it comes to this sex, men are not entitled to such, it must be earned with a certain level of intimacy that can only be achieved with time and getting to know one another.  You must learn that great sex has to be earned.  It’s not an entitlement by any means thus demanding it initially is not the best tactic.

Entitlement #2: Submission

Come on, every man dreams of this.  A little woman who will cater to his whims and won’t give him lip about it.  She will submit to his demands and make his life all the more easier while he gets to do whatever it is that he likes.  The very definition of submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.  This idea is an old concept however the millenials have warped its perception greatly.  Some of us hear this term and laugh because Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey come to mind!  The entire notion of submission goes deeper though.  It’s vintage and even biblical because we are taught as Christians that the ideal wife will submit to her husband.  But in today’s society, a lot of people leave out the terms “wife” and “husband” completely.  In fact, statistics show that the amount of marriages in this generation has diminished drastically.  Which leads me to another entitlement that has formed, the “playing house” phenomenon where men want all of the perks of being a husband (submission, chastity, love, devotion, cooking, cleaning, living quarters) but they aren’t willing to take the leap.  Hell even after being flogged, fettered and fucked, Ana became Mrs. Christian Grey.      img_8542

Harsh Reality #2: No one will follow you if you cannot lead

Can you lead?  I know that the gender roles have changed a bit, most women can earn a decent living nowadays, hell a lot of the men I know earn less than I do.  And in some cases, some of the very men who have pursued me have less than I do, but monetary earnings aren’t the makings of a true leader, a great leader has vision, is accountable and is trustworthy.  If you don’t have behave in that manner how can anyone let alone your significant other follow your lead and in turn submit to your vision, assuming you have one.  If your only reason for desiring submission is to have someone who will play the Michel’le to your Dr. Dre then you aren’t ready to be a husband nevertheless lead anyone. No woman wants to be led to Hell on Earth or after.

Entitlement #3: Physical Requirements

I will never understand how a man will want a woman to have luxuriously naturally long hair, beautiful face without makeup, perfect smile, big breasts, flat stomach, small waist, big booty, lean legs and pedicured feet all the while he has less than perfect hair, a mediocre face, chipped teeth and a beer gut.  What the hell? Why is it that you expect us to be Miss America while you’re Al Bundy.  I admit that sometimes I am a bit picky here but I’ve played the “so I’m not attracted to him now” game and in turn I still wind up turned off sexually and in other facets of the relationship.  I do believe the biology of the physical attraction is valid but one must be realistic with what they want on the outside of a mate. comparison-looks

Harsh Reality #3: The list causes more harm than good.

Yes, the list, the list of physical requirements that you have for all of your suitors must go. You should have standards but not some arbitrary list of physical requirements because not only is it hateful but it’s just not smart.  We can’t go into a factory and build our mate, Lord knows if we could, there’d be millions of women walking around with Odell Beckham Jr. on their arm, sounds idyllic but it’s just not so.  You’re setting yourself up for failure.  There are some deal breakers but sometimes you are attracted to the antithesis of what you think is aesthetically pleasing.  I once dated an overweight man and physically I was as attracted to him as I’d been the tight end who made it to my end zone! LOL!  You never realize how limiting the superficial list can be. comparison-fitness

Entitlement #4 Support and Compromise

Men want support.  Women want support.  Men want compromise.  Women want it all.  With this admission, it seems as though women are the more selfish of the pair.  I’ll admit that I want it all and I want it right now.  But I’m learning to deal with this.  I am not the only one like this and many men are the same.  Men are quick to complain about how women aren’t supportive and we want you to have it all together the minute that you meet but you aren’t completely innocent here either.  Men persecute women because they aren’t willing to put it all on the line for a man who has betrayed their trust before or who hasn’t earned it at all.  Neither sexes are in the clear when it comes to support nor compromise.

Harsh Reality #4: Support and Compromise take work that only comes with time and trust. 

With support and compromise time and trust are the only thing that really yields such.  Men cannot expect women to support them 100% if there hasn’t been any real communication or time put into the relationship.  This goes hand in hand with their hair brained schemes of becoming the next Drake.  Baby if we know you don’t know your metaphors from personification you cannot expect us to just support your desires if there hasn’t been some work put into the relationship nor your “dream”.  While we women must realize that a man will not compromise with us if we haven’t done the same.  How can you expect a man to build you the home of your dreams if you cannot even take care of the apartment that you rent.  If you’re running around in the streets 3-4 nights per week acting like a thot then he cannot support the notion of making you a wife.  If he has a brain at all.

Entitlement?  Are we truly entitled to anything in a relationship?  Yes, we certainly are.  We are entitled to the truth.  The truth is that with everything that we desire, work and time must be given or you aren’t entitled to a damn thing and even then, it isn’t entitled, it’s earned.  The truth of the matter is that when you earn something, you treasure it 100 times more than when it’s just given to you.  So men, don’t be so upset that I make you wait 90 days or so to get this cookie, trust me it gets sweeter and sweeter over time and you’ll appreciate me that much more.  On the other hands ladies accept the 2 for 20 date in the beginning because when he finally gives your the four course meal at the five star restaurant for your six month anniversary it will be a true accomplishment.  We’re all a work of progress and with progression one must know it only comes with work, if you didn’t work for it.  How can you think that you’re entitled to anything?img_8545

SMOOCHES!

One of the biggest tragedies that I faced in 2016 was the loss of my best friend, EJ, he was a lifelong friend that you could never ever forget.  His love was real and it was felt and thank God it’s still here.  Every day I think of you, every day I miss you and I don’t think the tears will ever stop because of the way that you were taken from us.  I pray that you are at peace and I know you are in the presence of Love.  Because I know you are with the Lord.  I love you EJ and missing you will never cease.  I thank God for allowing me to have such a friend and I pray that everyone is granted that gift.  Rest in Love and Everlasting Peace, dear sweet friend. 

 

How Sweet Is He?

Greetings all! I pray that you are looking forward to having a loving and thankful holiday season.  We all deserve a day of good food filled with love and family.  As long as there is breath in your body, you are blessed and we should all take stock in that as much as we can.  With that being said, it’s never a bad thing to take stock in other areas in life.  Mainly the type of men that we are entertaining.  Yes, this post is about to go there.  Most people have to have an outlet to deal with the craziness in life.  I have several, one in which is television.  I love to just space out with some good and bad T.V. from time to time.

One spectacular show that I indulge in has made me reflect on the type of men that are floating around out there.  That show is Queen Sugar.  Good fiction is based upon reality, even if we know that it isn’t real, the idea that it could be possible makes it watch-worthy.  Queen Sugar is an hour long drama on the OWN network based upon a novel of the same name by Natalie Baszile.  Both the book and the show are off the hook.  I’d read the book over and over again when given the opportunity and I have every aired episode saved on my DVR to watch whenever I get the chance.  The premise of the show is a family, the Bordelons, finding out that the sugar cane business isn’t as sweet as it sounds.  Some members of the Bordelons are discovering that not all males are as sweet either.  Three dominant male characters from the show has inspired this post.  As women we must ask ourselves are we dealing with a Ralph Angel, Davis or a Remy?

Hershey’s New Flavor, Ralph Angel

img_7635The type of woman you are directly reflects the type of man that is dominant in your life.  When I realized this a while ago, a lightbulb came on for me.  Everyone has a journey that they are going through, some people are meant to travel that journey with you, while others aren’t. Oftentimes you have to reach certain destinations in that journey before passengers are welcome, until then, it’s probably best if you travel alone.  In terms of sugar,  I’ll rate these types of men with lollipops.  Early in your life, it’s safe to assume that every woman has been involved with a Ralph Angel.

I would rate the Ralph Angels of the world with three lollipops.  img_7642

Let’s keep it real, Ralph Angel is gorgeous, that chocolatey skin alone would make any woman swoon.  He seems to have a genuine heart but he’s got a lot of internal work to do.  Ralph Angel is the guy who’s a little bit of a bad boy, he’s made some mistakes, had a few brushes with the law and has seemed to learned his lesson. However until he gets himself together, I cannot see him being the ideal man for any woman.  There’s a saying that goes “until a man is ready, he will ruin every woman he’s with.”  I think this saying is the embodiment of the Ralph Angels out there.  He’s got the looks, he’s got a steady gig, he’s got a precocious little angel but truth be told, he still has some major issues.  No matter how sweet these men seem or how delectable the loving is, it’s best not to anticipate something long term with this type of man because chances are you’ll wind up with the sour face in the long run.  He has potential, but right now ain’t the time.  This chocolate dish isn’t quite ready just yet.  In this stage in life, you learn to forgo your sweet tooth for a while.

Bitter Baller

img_7636Life goes on, you learn to let the Ralph Angels mature as you seek to do the same but you should never let your guard down because if you do, you may wind up with a lollipop that looks sweet but is anything but.  Our hearts go out to Ralph Angel’s sister Charley, who is dealing with the personal hell of divorce, but her divorce is no everyday run of the mill separation, it’s a highly publicized, laced with scandal and humiliation in front of the whole world divorce.  Coupled with the fact that her father just died and she’s trying to manage a sugar cane farm in the midst of a vicious family who’s history includes terrorizing the Bordelons.  Needless to say Charley has some stress she’s faced with, but none of that is worse than the realization of being married to a man for 16 years who was a big fat fraud.  There are thousands of Davis’ out there.  They are handsome, ambitious, talented, smart and packaged exactly how we dream but a big piece that is often overlooked is missing.  That piece is morals.  Morals!  Morals? Remember morals?  They used to be at the top of our list for requirements but somewhere in our morally corrupt society we decided they weren’t as important anymore, especially when everything seems peachy keen.  But when things take a turn for the worse, those morals are the things that matter the most and the lack of morals is probably the root of things going left in the first place.

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I would rate Davis as a one lollipop.

You have to be prepared to identify the Davis’ over time because initially pinpointing their sourness won’t be as easy as you think it is.  God forbid you’ve married the undesirable like Charley has.  Davis is the equivalent of a piece of candy that starts out sweet but the more that it inhabits your mouth it becomes a bad mistake and the residue is longstanding.

Remy, Remy, Remy, Yummy!

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Whether or not you’ve dealt with a Davis, the reality is “no one is going to blame you for wanting a good man” like Nova Bordelon tells Charley after she’s unsure of a personal decision.  Nova’s brief reassurance reminds us all that under no circumstances will anyone fault you for wanting a good man.  We all want and deserve one.  Truth be told that when you’ve dealt with an asshole or three a good man is doubly appreciated.  Charley is that rare breed of woman who has only been with one man and who only knows how to be monogamous with a presumably good man and when her whole world has been obliterated she craves similar intimacy with a better man than Davis pretended to be.  Enter Remy Newell.  Remy is so dreamy because not only is he fine as shit but he’s a good man, a good manly man, a good chivalrous man, and especially a good moral man.

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Remy is rated as five lollipops.

He’s the complete package, he may not have the salary of a Davis, but he’s ambitious and quite intelligent, any man who can breed a special hybrid of sugar cane is no idiot.  The men out there who represent Remy Newell may not have all of the flashy packaging as a Davis but what he stands for exudes so much more, and quite frankly it is sexy as all hell.  It’s the type of sexiness that you grow to appreciate with age and maturity.  We all need and will eventually want the sweetness that Remy is serving in his flattering jeans.  What a package! img_7638

Just like we indulge in our favorite shows from time to time, we indulge in men as well but some are sour and some are sweet.  As time goes on, we must learn to determine the difference, will this man be a long-term steady drip of sheer sweetness or will he be an everlasting bitter taste in our mouth once packaged as something desirable?  Evaluate your dessert as you give thanks!

SMOOCHES!

In January, I lost someone who was dear to me, but I am thankful for the love and friendship that I was blessed with while he was here.  He was a dear friend of mine and it’s funny that his father and my beloved father were best friends and now we’re there for one another through the sadness.  As time goes on, make sure that you love the people in your life while you have them and don’t let small bitterness wreck something that could’ve been everlastingly sweet.  Rest in eternal love EJ and know that as long as I am here, you will be represented well.  You and Papi enjoy the holidays up there and know that your love shines through us all daily.

 

Tricks and Trumps Please!

Greetings!  I pray that your fall has been going well and you’re looking forward to the upcoming holiday season.  I certainly am, but as Halloween has just ended many of us still feel as though there are thousands of tricks being placed in our path constantly so it’s only right that I discuss some of the issues that we black women are now faced with.

Recent Realizations

Recently a couple of things have been put in my path that has highlighted some heavy realizations for me.  First of all, as an educator, I was recently asked a typical question by budding educational students at a nearby university, “Why did I get into education?” Then secondly I had to discuss the harsh reality of the world with my favorite niece who’s about to be an adult in a matter of months.  My response to the educational students is that the reason I went into education is because I believe that education along with prayer are the only two things in the world that truly work. When it comes to my niece, I had to give her the same speech that my parents gave me as a teenager, which is the white privilege versus black excellence speech, “You have to be three times better than them in order to get half of what they have.”  With both realizations coupled with the hypocrisy that we are routinely faced with, bearing the crown of a Nubian queen can become troublesome.dwaynedegree1

Last week, a once popular Florida rapper, Trick Daddy attained a few minutes in the spotlight by posting a video “warning” black women to tighten up their physical appearance because white and Latin women were gaining ground on us.  The entire thing was comical but truth be told behind the comedy of the absurdity lies a lot of hurt and pain.  First of all, he referred to all three groups of women (Black, Latin and White) as “hoes” now I don’t know where you come from, but from where I come from being called a hoe by anyone isn’t pleasant but being referred to as hoes from a washed up ass rapper who looks like stir-fry bad decisions is not popping.  So the simple fact that he used the term “hoes” repeatedly simply means that he wasn’t talking to me.  However, in actuality, we all knew what he meant to say, even if he didn’t articulate it well.  Let’s say for the sake of the argument for a brief minute or two we actually listened to what he had to say, it’s so sad that we black women are still, centuries later bearing the brunt of blatant disrespect and being pitted against other women of other races according to some arbitrary standards of men.  Especially by men some of us wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.  trickmammy

Thrice Better to get Half

You know the unique thing about a man is that he can look like Trick Daddy and still think he has the absolute right to criticize the appearance of a woman.  You have to love them huh?  Embedded in his ridiculous statements I could simply hear the words of my parents, “you have to be three times better than them, to get half of what they have.” For black men, it’s simply two times which is what my parents made sure I understood.  In this context, I guess black women are starting to lack in beauty standards regardless of the fact that we are documented as this country’s most educated demographic.  Hell, I’m a representation of that.  But is he introducing something valid here?  Am I lacking in the beauty department in some way that doesn’t measure up to the “white hoes” and “Latin hoes” which is why I’m successful but alone?

Which opposition is worse?

Again, the unique thing about a man is the he can look like Trick Daddy or Donald Trump for that matter and think he has the carte blanche to criticize our exterior.  They can criticize our appearance, do they criticize our accomplishments as well?  Is that the reason why men who have five different children with four different women who makes half of what I earn think I’m a total snob when I won’t even consider dating them?  What is the problem here?  It’s not a fully racial one, because if that was so, Trick Daddy’s disgusting thinking wouldn’t exist and quite frankly, he isn’t the only black man out there who feels that way about “us”, there are plenty of black men who feel that way about the women who’d go to war for them.

The weight of the crown is heavy when on the left you have the Trick Daddies of the world and on the right, you have Donald Trumps lurking in every direction.  This realization may make you even question whether or not these imbeciles see your crown.  Maybe we need to add more jewels.  Let’s see there’s the jewel of spirituality, worshipping a savior who loves and values women, giving life, possessing a natural and coveted beauty, educating ourselves and hustling so hard that you damn near have to redefine the term.  All or many of these jewels sit in the crown of the average woman in the modern world but so often men don’t behave in a way that is appreciative of such.  Instead we get criticisms from a washed up rapper who looks like walking gonorrhea and blatant disrespect from a presidential candidate who is a joke personified. trump1

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black Woman.”-Malcolm X

Years later and Brother Malcolm’s words still ring true like they have never before.  We are disrespected by others and we are disrespected by our own, the latter admission cuts deeper than any other wound because of how we go hard for the black man.  Studies show that majority of the black women in prison are serving sentences that had something to do with a man.  I myself have even gone against my better judgment and tried to give a black gargoyle or two a chance and in turn wound up on the receiving end of either blatant or indirect disrespect.  Thankfully I have sense enough to nip the sh*t in the bud as soon as it occurs.  However, for so many women, that isn’t the case.  The disrespect continues to build over time and if not educated properly, the outcomes are damaging.

The Most Educated Demographic in America 

Black women are the most educated, lettered demographic in the United States.  That means that we out number our sisters in terms of trying to better ourselves but oftentimes that isn’t what is highlighted about us.  What’s publicized most about is our appearance, whether or not we can truly twerk and everything else truly irrelevant that the masses can identify.  Let’s take stock here, why is the male dominated world so damn afraid of empowering the black woman?  Are they afraid?  Are they intimidated?  Quite frankly, I believe they are…What could being the most educated result in? dwaynedegree4

  1. We are the contradiction of what white supremacy said we were good for (bedwarmers and broodmares).
  2. We are contradictory to the idea of feminine inferiority.
  3. We can support ourselves financially.
  4. Our mental capacity is as great if not greater than our male counterparts.
  5.  The possibility of a black female president someday.
  6. Most importantly, the absolute guarantee that a black woman will read your asses to the gawds with informative receipts that will not only take you down a peg or three but will nail your sorry asses to the wall!

In other words, Tricks and Trumps please!

 

samantha

Comparison is the thief of Joy!

Greetings all!  I certainly hope that the fall months have been good to you, they’ve been very good to me.  No, I don’t have anything going in the realm of romance but I’ve been enjoying life.  Thus far, I’ve been zip lining again, traveled to a coveted SEC football game and taught an outside course for an individual contractor highlighting my language and writing expertise.  So again, life has been good although there’s no new man to light my fire.  With that being said, I’ve had time to observe quite a bit in the world surrounding me and of course, I have a perspective on it.

“Comparison is the thief of joy!”

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What is joy?  Joy is that infinite feeling of true happiness no matter the circumstances that you are faced with.  We all want joy, we all pray, hope and wish for joy regardless of our history and what future we’re marching towards.  Who wants to be miserable or unhappy? It takes a truly mature individual to realize that what is joyful for someone else doesn’t necessarily equate the same for me.  Upon learning that lesson one should realize that you shouldn’t compare your accomplishments with the accomplishments of others or lack thereof.  You just shouldn’t, there will always be someone who has accomplished a little bit more or who has gone just a little bit further and comparing such can put a damper on the joy that you once contained.

The Ultimate Comparison Platform is… Social Media

Fasting is a practice that takes place in just about every religion and quite frankly I believe that we should all fast from social media every now and again for our own good.  Wherever you look on the internet someone is boasting and bragging either directly or indirectly and if you’re not careful, falling short in certain areas will have you second guessing your accomplishments which will kill your joy as sure as the sun is shining.  Don’t get me wrong, you should be happy for the people in your life who have gotten one step closer to their individually wrapped happiness but it’s not hard to think about yourself and your journey.  It’s human nature and by nature we are all selfish although the amount of selfishness differs.  Someone can be completely selfish, somewhat selfish or barely selfish but rest assure as you want happiness for one’s self the selfishness has to be there to some degree in order to survive.  Thus more or less to preserve joy.

 

How often have you been watching what you eat, working hard in the gym or making sure you meet your quota on FitBit daily and as soon as you log into Instagram you see a user who is about five sizes smaller than you boasting about the fact that with Herbalife she’s 10 pounds lighter in 7 days?  I’m guilty of such.  It is then that I have a certain craving for a Muddy’s cupcake.  After you’ve continued to scroll on through and rolled your eyes about three times you stumble upon someone who is posting a photo of their boyfriend as he has done something incredibly romantic for the woman in his life.  I’m guilty again, I don’t want the dude but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m a bit salty, especially since I hadn’t had a decent date all of 2016.  It’s so damn sad.  The sadness creeps in and the endorphins that were exerted from my 4-mile jog has dissipated completely.  God forbid if it’s a Saturday which I have deemed as “Sacrament Saturday” because everyone in their momma seems to be getting married every damned Saturday, either that or they are jet-setting off to a new adventure beginning at the airport.  Truth be told, the airport check-in are the most enviable to me.

Dealing with all of this can make you feel a multitude of emotions.  Even if those emotions are only for a moment or two, the truth is, they are there.   So what should one do?  Should one give in?  Should I just get in my car and buy 4 prozac cupcakes?  After I finish, should I just cry about the fact that no one worthy wants me or the fact that it’s been years since I’ve been in a relationship?  Should I get all bummed out that there are girls who have literally thrown their coochie a party over the years now standing at the altar smiling?  Should I get all depressed about the fact that my summer was spent working and working and working and working?

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I’m quite sure there are some people out there who would love to see me all dazed and depressed but that’s not really my thing…. I can be salty for a few minutes but it doesn’t last long.  The truth is the only person I should be comparing myself to is me.  Me, myself and I.  My fitness goals are better today than they were the day before, hell in some aspects the year before.  Truth be told, you don’t know what that person had to do in order to get that body that they have.  Nor do you know if what you see isn’t the effects of photoshop or careful angles.  Also if they have truly attained those coveted goals, perhaps that person could serve as inspiration instead of jealousy.

Relationship envy isn’t really my thing because as I want to have those wonderful memories with an awesome guy, truth be told there’s no one’s guy out there that I want anyway, I’m not feeling anyone.  The picture that looks so sweet online makes me wonder but not the guy because he’s not my cup of tea anyway.  I also know myself and I know that broadcasting my relationship on social media is something I have ever done and who knows if I’ll ever go that route.  It’s just not my thing.  In addition, I always wonder just what has someone been through with that person and those things are probably some of the things that I’m not willing to deal with which is primarily the reason why I’m single as single can be now.  relationship-comparison

Lastly, when it comes to traveling, I can be very salty because I love to go but with that being said, I realize that there’s a time to trip and a time to stack.  I’ve been stacking chips all summer working at my new job and learning all that I need to learn in order to rock in this role like I did in the classroom for seven years.  I have new challenges and even a new car so there’s no reason for me to be salty for long because my expeditions are coming when the time is right.

Back to joy.  We all want it.  We all pray, hope and wish for it.  Luckily I can say, I have found it.  Joy for me is me.  I am happy because I am grateful.  Every day I write in a notebook that I carry with me one thing that I am grateful for.  It helps me to keep in perspective the things that matter most.  God smiles down on me each day and his light shines through me.  I’m working on me and thankful for me.  Someone will feel the same one day, hopefully soon.  I know my love story is still in the works, it’s just taking a little longer for it to go to press.  Find your joy, own your joy and cultivate it.  Most importantly remember that what God has for you, is only for you. comparison-joy2

SMOOCHES!

Earlier this year, a friend of mine was killed due to someone who wanted to have some material things that really don’t amount to anything.  Because she thought her life wasn’t complete without material trappings she felt like his life meant nothing and she took it.  Envy and Greed are two of the deadliest sins and they hurt more than you can ever imagine.  Never let this evil consume your life.  I miss my friend more than I could’ve ever imagined.  Rest in love, rest in peace and rest assure as long as I’m here I will continue to honor you my dear friend.  Love you dearly EJ!

 

 

A Thin Line Between Awesome and an Asshole

  • Greetings!  I certainly hope everyone had an eventful summer and is looking forward to a prosperous fall.  Sorry I’ve been working so hard that I hadn’t been able to write as frequently but have no fear just because my life has been mostly dull doesn’t mean I don’t have material.   When life gives me lemons I’m sure to make vodka lemonade.  Although nothing truly exciting has happened for me over the summer, I am more than willing to share with you a recent eye-opening experience.

As we get older, certain things begin to change for the worse, especially the amount of eligible people to date.  This is especially true if you have standards, requirements or deal breakers.  Some people choose to get rid of the requirements, tweak their standards or forget their deal breakers when things become bleak.  When you get to the eighth month of the year and you hadn’t even had eight dates, regardless of how content you are, sometimes you reluctantly consider some things.  I myself am no exception.  I began to think, I have to shake things up a bit.  However I still have certain standards that I’m pretty much unyielding about, mainly physical attraction.  When you meet virtually no one that you’re attracted to and the population of available men that you’re attracted to is non-existent you briefly rethink things.  Then life happens.

Insightful Instincts

A new guy came in the picture, in possible pursuit of my affections. He began to contact me via social media, unfortunately a normal staple of our now everyday lives and briefly I thought “what if?”  Physical attraction means something to me, it’s a cosmic something or other that ties into my instincts and there hadn’t been many times where my instincts let me down.  As it turns out my instincts were ultimately dead on as this entire situation unfolds.  The guy was not someone that I’d physically like at all.  There is a complete list about his exterior that isn’t my cup of tea.  Truly, the only positive I really had is that he wasn’t hideous.  My instincts were whispering to me, “don’t get your hopes up, don’t waste your time.” I turned down the volume and continued to communicate with him and even allowed him to gain knowledge about little old me in the midst of him asking 100 freaking questions.

The inquisition continued and I found out things about him, he was older than me, a tad bit older than I usually mesh with.  He had no children, had never been married, a white collar job in a similar field as I and had quite a bit to say.  He’s what you’d call a “good on paper guy” but as the feminine mantra goes, usually “good on paper equals nightmare ever area else”, by now you can kind of see where this is going huh?  Well trust me there’s a twist in this story that has left me perplexed.  little rascals boys are jerks

I know you’re probably thinking “why didn’t you listen to your instincts?” Well it’s the same reason why we waste money on lottery tickets and say to ourselves “I don’t have to set my alarm, I’ll get up with enough time to get ready.”  I thought to myself “what if?”  Come on, there are countless romantic comedies and love stories revered with the premise that one of the lovers detested or wasn’t initially attracted to the other.  There was Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow who wound up together in the end, Kyle Barker and Maxine Shaw and my personal favorite, Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert but the reality is this, neither Steve, Kyle nor Dwayne was a complete and utter asshole.

Asshole Actions

After countless DM’s, curse Yo Gotti for that damned song, he eventually asked for my phone number.  Although I’m the younger character in this melodramatic waste of days, I’m the old-fashioned one because I expected a phone call with the possibility of an actual conversation.  But you know what they say about expectations.  The phone call never occurred instead it was a long string of unfulfilling texts.  Truth be told unless conversations are inserted, texts ain’t shit.  Usually guys who only text me wind up not even having their numbers programmed into my phone and I refer to them as “numbers of nothingness”.  He was no exception.  Throughout a week’s worth of texts, my instincts became more vocal.  Louder the volume increased and instead of a whisper, I got brief conversations in my head saying things like “why bother?” and “he’s too old for this shit.” I didn’t mute my instincts this go around but instead I decided to bargain with them.  I told them that I’d keep their advice in mind because I had actual people in my life advising me to go ahead and meet the guy once he asked for the opportunity.

The meeting was requested and I agreed.  As a Pisces, even though I am very blunt there is a component of my psyche that’s the eternal optimist.  The chips can be completely down against me and I still will keep that hope alive, kind of like with my love life.  LOL!  So I started to talk to my instincts “maybe in person I’ll actually be attracted to him” or “maybe there will be a really good vibe and we can build upon it, who knows?”  Well from the first time I laid eyes on him there came a pro and a con.  The pro was my initial instincts are still very reliable and the con was that my lack of physical attraction had no possibility of growing or changing based on looks alone.  Simply he wasn’t my type.  I didn’t see him as repulsive but there were some things that just don’t tickle my fancy.  The meeting occurred and I acted like I normally act, I speak only when necessary, I answer questions as honestly as I should and I listen attentively.  But just like I was not attracted to him physically, the vibe wasn’t happening either.  My instincts were hovering over my head looking down at me saying “when will you ever learn?”  The meeting wasn’t tiring and it ended as pleasantly as it could in such dry conditions.  By the end I felt relieved because I then could compare my instincts to Jordan in the 4th quarter, pure clutch!  This was reassuring because I’d been telling my friends and family this for quite some time.

The Aftermath—Day of Certainty

A day passed and there was no communication from the guy and I believed I was in the clear but again, like many times in this scenario, my thoughts were wrong, not my instincts.  I hear from Mr. Habitual Texter again.  He interrupted me while I was sharing a special moment with my family in the memory of my dear sweet friend for whom I dedicate this blog to whenever I write.  Saturdays serve as the Sabbath day for Jews and on this Saturday it would be my day of certainty because my instincts were about to be solidified as  complete and utter sureness that this guy wasn’t worth any of my time and that he isn’t an awesome guy that would be great for another awesome girl but an asshole instead.  This guy had the nerve to body shame me via text.  Yes, you read that line correctly.  He didn’t truly know me.  Had only met me once and had the nerve to question me about my diet and exercise as it relates to my existence of a slight tummy.  Yeah, that’s definitely the way to a woman’s heart.  You speak negatively about what she eats, her work out habits and points out a physical imperfection that she has.  I hadn’t felt so disrespected by the opposite sex in all of my life.

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Initially, I responded in a way that if he had any intelligence he would’ve retracted that statement or chosen a different choice of words but that asshole decided to continue to ask me “have I always had a belly” and then my fury grew.  I was pissed, my first thought was to cuss his ass out but I chose not to.  I responded in a sarcastic way that let him know that he’d crossed a line but of course this asshole didn’t offer an apology or anything to cushion the blow but continued with his dialogue that would soon turn into a monologue because I listened to my instincts 100% clearly this go around and I choose not to ever respond to him. Just like I thought he wasn’t worth my time in the beginning I know he isn’t worth my response in the end.  I pride myself on being many things and one of those things is that I am not is petty.  But I could be.  IMG_1933

Since he felt the need to point out my physical imperfection that I’m working on, I could’ve been petty and asked him the following:  “Have you always had a LeBron hairline or did you choose to embrace that since 2003?” “Do you always buy your suits from the Steve Harvey Linen Collection or did you have a gift certificate for the one in your profile pic?”  “What exactly are those things that you are growing on your head because they aren’t really dreads, so is there a new male hair experiment out that I’m not hip to or what?”  “Did you choose not to get braces as a child or did you intend to have spaces between all of your teeth?”  “Do you naturally have a stroll that resembles the Madagascar penguins or is that just something that you’re trying out?” “Are you seriously discussing my body when you have a rectangular bod?” “Did anyone ever tell you that you bear a striking resemblance to the late Sherman Helmsley?” But I chose not to be petty and simply not to respond.  Clearly he’s no Trey Songz to be ridiculing the way anyone looks out of turn, especially since I didn’t ask and he isn’t an expert on how a woman’s body should look with her changed lifestyle.

Days of Silence

Upon my day of certainty I chose to embrace military silence.  On the Sabbath when we worship in church, I got a word from church about acceptance which I applied to myself and while having lunch with a friend, the asshole texted me in a casual tone like he didn’t say some screwed up shit to me the day before.  But instead of allowing him to mess up my Sunday, I continued my military silence and didn’t respond.  I accept the fact that I’m a work in progress and that even though a guy has certain accomplishments that still doesn’t mean he’s awesome, I accept the fact that he’s an asshole. asshole

The Benediction

Another day passed and the asshole continued his textual monologue with a stupid ass question “are we still cool?”.  Really?  Had he been someone that I actually cared about or who had invested some real time in getting to know me before he was critical of my appearance then maybe I would’ve dignified him with a response.  I wasn’t the one contacting you nor asking to meet your ass.  But instead I listened completely to my instincts and said nothing.  A man can have nothing in terms of money and have a heart of gold while a man can have a respectful career and somewhat of an image and be a complete and utter asshole.  There’s a thin line and it’s been defined for me.  I hope you’ve realized it for you and despite any imperfection that you may have, don’t let any man or anyone try and make you feel that you are inadequate by pointing out such.

SMOOCHES!

In January I lost a dear sweet friend of mine who would’ve never pointed out any imperfection of mine unless specifically asked and we’d known each other since we were friends.  In fact, a common misconception of me being a stuck up girl, was a driving point for our closeness.  He loved me and understood my standoffishness when dealing with people because he knew that I rely heavily on my instincts and when my instincts aren’t happy, neither am I.  August 27th would’ve been your 31st birthday and I realized that although you are physically gone, I need to listen to the lessons you taught me that will stay with me forever.  You taught me to embrace individuality and focus on those who wants to love and care for you and to let go of the ones who seek to tear you down in any capacity.  Rest in Love, Rest in Peace my dear, sweet, crazy, funny, dependable, loving friend EJ, if every man had a little bit more of you and less asshole, there’d be far more happy women out there!  I miss you and tons, you and Papi be good up there and tell Mary to put the Pepsi away. 

No Romance without Finance?

Hello all!  I hope your summer has been eventful mine has certainly had its ups and downs.  As a matter of a fact, 2016 has been one rollercoaster ride for the world.  Things are hard and our nation has been filled with a lot of unpleasant surprises, I mean Donald Trump is a legitimate candidate for the President.  If that’s not enough to make your stomach turn I don’t know what is.  Needless to say our fate is quite uncertain.  But what is?  Life is a crazy thing and its always so crazy because you don’t have much that you can be certain about especially when dealing with romance.  Well from what I remember!  LOL!  I do wonder though can you truly pursue and partake in romance without financial certainty?

The Most Romantic Day of Our Lives

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Romance from what I can remember can be awesome but it can also be scary for so many reasons and lately I’ve been seeing that finance has its part in the idea itself.  For most women the most romantic day of our lives is supposed to be the day that we get married highlighted by our fairy tale wedding.  A wedding is supposed to be a truly romantic event.  What usually makes it romantic are the “details”, these details have to be purchased.  Many times they can cost an arm and a leg.  I’ve heard horror stories where couples are in constant disagreement about the budget of a wedding where oftentimes the woman wants to go overboard.  The perfect dress, cake, venue and décor are essential.  What happens when you nor your partner can afford those “romantic details”?  Should you just go ahead with what you have and potentially bypass some of the romance?  Does it truly matter in this instance? Can it be overlooked?  Should it be overlooked?

Should the man always pay? 

What about before you even get to the marriage part of romance?  What about dating?  Can a woman truly feel complete romance about a man who isn’t willing to pay all of the time?  Should he pay all of the time?  I’ve always noticed that in the beginning of a newfound romance guys usually do the most.  You know what I mean.  They want to impress their new lady.  They usually splurge on the best restaurants and even regularly gifts the lady with meaningful trinkets that make their new girl ecstatic.  There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact it’s awesome but soon it trickles off or in some cases it stops abruptly.  How does one handle this?  How does the woman deal?  Should she start picking up where he left off?  Or should he have not started something that he didn’t intend on continuing?  In situations like this the man may not be able to keep up the momentum.  Perhaps his finances aren’t truly all that he alluded to in the beginning.  Will this kill the romance? IMG_4899

Is she truly worth it? 

Let’s keep it real, all women aren’t worth it.  Women have intentions just like men do.  In fact, our intentions are more calculated and intricate by design.  Hell I can tell after one encounter whether or not a guy will get past a first date with me or whether or not he’ll see the insides of my thighs.  Let’s keep it real.  If you men suspect that a woman is only using you to pass the time when she’s bored, as an available meal ticket or anything else less genuine then I definitely don’t advocate you spending a lot of money on a faulty investment.  We all know what are red flags or deal breakers for us, if they start to rear their ugly heads then by all means take a thrifty route when it comes to entertaining the woman in question.  Hey, I believe in being fair, maybe that’s why I’m still single.  LOL!IMG_4901

Hard times come and go, but will she?

Life is uncertain as we’ve already determined and sometimes our finances may take a unforeseen hit which may put the more costly side of dating on a backburner for a while.  Life happens, can a woman truly stand by when she’s no longer getting all of those wonderful expensive things that romance tends to bring?  A lot of men equate their manhood in a relationship with their ability to provide or even wine and dine a young lady.  In fact, I know some guys where they feel completely emasculated if they can’t give a woman all of the things that they believe she deserves.  Sometimes even if it’s not a woman that their involved with.  Does a man’s ability to provide determine his masculinity?  And if that man can no longer provide all of the things that he normally provides is a woman justified for walking away?  Should she walk away?

My final two cents

When it comes to dating, extravagant ain’t always the best route to go in the beginning, especially if it’s causing a strain on your wallet.  Start how you want to finish.  If you begin wining and dining a woman you have to keep the momentum up but however expense isn’t always the issue here, attention is.  It’s alright if the amount that you spend ebbs and flows but the amount of attention that you give a woman should never be completely absent.  In fact, I believe that women should sometimes step up to the plate as dating progresses, we should pick up the tab every now and again.  There’s nothing wrong with that at all.  As it pertains to weddings I think you should only do what you can afford and if having that perfect day means that much to either the bride or the groom then perhaps you should wait or reevaluate some things.  Finally, if a woman can’t be your backbone when things are in a financial pinch then you definitely spent your romance on the wrong woman.  A woman is supposed to be a man’s strength not his liability.  I used to think differently about relationships and money until I lived through it, I saw firsthand that money isn’t the essential piece of true love.  In 2008 when my father went through three surgeries in one year he wasn’t healthy enough to work and because my mom was his strength she didn’t trip nor did she complain.  She rolled up her sleeves and handled business until he was back on top again.  He was able to reestablish his financial security with the help of his partner not in spite of her.  I guess my perspective is that true romance doesn’t necessarily involve finance, it demands attention, don’t get them confused.  FullSizeRender (3)

SMOOCHES!

Earlier this year, I lost my dear friend EJ and I miss him so much.  I look at my phone several times at the last text exchange we had and sometimes look at pictures we took in high school and burst out in laughter at the sheer silliness that went on when we all got together.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and wish that he was still here if not for me but for so many others.  I know he’s in a better place and he’s up there keeping up noise with my dear departed Papi.  Today I say to you all that Black Lives Matter as it pertains to police violence but they matter when it comes to violence within our own community as well.  Tell someone you know today that you love them and if you know someone with violent tendencies, tell them that love is a much stronger weapon.  God Bless you all! 

 

 

Sorry, You’re Overqualified!

overqualified 1

Greetings readers, I hope you’ve had a delightful summer!  My summer has been great professionally but my personal life is sad, why should summer be any different from winter, spring or fall for that matter?  You have to laugh about your misfortune in hopes of turning that misery into mastery.  Sometimes when you continuously wind up in the single column you start to take stock of who you truly are and what you have to offer to make sure there aren’t some areas that you need to work on.  My checklist is phenomenal but not different, I know plenty of women just like me.

  • Loving
  • God-fearing
  • Prayerful
  • Hardworking
  • Ambitious
  • Sweet
  • Supportive
  • Beautiful

What else would a good man want?  Notice I said good man.  Perhaps being a good woman isn’t the issue, it’s being discovered by a good man that’s appreciative.  While pondering on this idea, I thought of one of my favorite rappers, Yo Gotti.  He penned a classic entitled “Disqualified” where he spoke about women who aren’t good enough and I’m happy to report that I don’t commit any of those infractions.  Now I’m not saying that I want a rich rapper, I’m just saying I’d like a good man who could measure up to my qualifications.  There are men out there who fall into that “good man” category but unfortunately I’m not so sure that they are spending their time on “good women” such as myself and other fabulous ones like me.

Recently, I was told by a past paramour of mine that I was “perfect” and that was a problem.  Talk about a blessing and a curse.  In today’s society women such as myself feel like Ph.D recipients applying for receptionist jobs and competing against those who have 1/8th of what we bring to the table.  Hell I am the table.  Since when has being great been an issue?  What’s wrong with being great?  I look around and I can’t help but to see women who are seemingly finding happiness with the opposite sex while I’m just wondering….

What do you do when you have all of these wonderful qualities to offer and no one is appreciative of it?  Should I turn into a crazy bitch?  They always seem to have to have a man.  LOL.  Should I sleep around?  Hoes get snapped up with the quickness too.  Should I become needy?  Get myself in a predicament where I am in a dire need of a man?  They seem to adore those types.  Should I stop hanging with my homies?  Should I date someone that makes my stomach turn?  They are always around lurking.  I’m asking all of these rhetorical questions because I’m quite sure some of these have popped up in the minds of other awesome, fabulous, gorgeously single women such as I am.

I don’t have all of the answers, I just have all of the questions and the good sense to laugh about it and keep hope alive.  My good man is out there and my love story will be great, it has to be because it’s taking too damn long to go to press.

SMOOCHES!

Earlier this year, I lost a dear friend due to unnecessary violence.  He was a wonderful father and loving son.  I miss him every single day.  Rest in Love and Eternal Peace E.J. and just know that you were a blessing and still is.  For all of my readers out there, please encourage someone you know to love one another and if you know someone is prone to violence, pray for them and encourage them to stop the violence.  God Bless!

Chase Who? Chase You? Chase? What’s that?

Greetings all!  I know it’s been a minute, well my professional life is taking off and consequently my personal life is a hot mess, the great thing about that is that it gives me material to blog about.  Dating in this millenial generation is getting to be quite a hassle.  In between various forms of social media, technology and mixed signals it seems as though most of the time all one comes up with is— mixed signals.  The one thing that’s consistent when it comes to dealing with today’s single men is the absenteeism of courtship and their nonexistent chase.

The Realization. 

Many men don’t know how to court or better yet they don’t necessarily have to court the women of today.  Think about it.  Years ago when I was a teenager if a guy wanted to see me, he had to call me.  Nowadays guys hop on social media and send you a DM.  They think that’s appropriate.  Back in the day if a guy wanted to see a beautiful picture of you, they had to probably take it with a camera or you had to go through the effort of sending one to them after development but not anymore, they have Facebook, Instagram or just being sent one over your iPhone.  Guys used to have to work harder but now they don’t have to and sadly we’ve allowed this to go on for too damn long.  Netflix and chill has replaced the traditional dinner and a movie and there’s no mystery in one’s identity anymore.  A guy think he knows the depths of your soul from lurking on your Facebook or Twitter.  We cannot simply blame guys for this travesty because we’ve contributed to the madness.  I have real life occurrences that just happened to me that proves my realization credible.

Scenario #1  “Getting Together”

A while back a friend of mine tried to get me introduced to a young man that she deemed as worthy of dating someone like me, you wouldn’t think something so simple would become so muddied and complicated.  Over the span of a week in between exchanged phone calls, confusing texts, unclear communication and somewhat reluctance, the meeting never occurred.  Infraction #1 Facebook trolling.  The gentlemen admitted in one of our few telephone conversations that he’d been lurking all throughout my Facebook account where he deemed me as attractive and there’s no telling what image he got from me.  When he asked me if I did the same,  I replied no, because I didn’t.  I honestly don’t think that looking at someone’s Facebook before you have a face-to-face with them is a mature way of handling dating.  Infraction #2 Muddied Communication.  Him: Can you meet me tonight around 7:00?  Me: No, I’m going to meet my brother tonight.  Him: Ok cool.  Me: You want to meet me tomorrow at 4:00 for drinks at this location?  Him: I’m not sure I have to be here so that may cause a problem.  Me: Okay why don’t I call about thirty minutes prior to that time and see what’s up?  Him: Okay, that’s cool.—-Alright that seems pretty straightforward huh?  That’s what I thought.  In between he not answering the phone or calling me when I told him I’d be in an interview or with friends or the information that he relayed to me not aligning with his actions the meeting never went down.  Infraction #3 Asking too personal questions before I even know anything about him.  Rarely do I ever get offended but he definitely put the cart before the horse and he cannot even make a definitive decision about where we should meet.  Needless to say that Mr. Confusion is now an afterthought because there is no excuse for a grown man to act like that.

Sadly that type of ambiguity is reality for we dating millenials.  I’m not necessarily saying that this bachelor wanted me to chase him but he damn sure didn’t have as much of a clue about courtship as he probably think he did.  Oh well, you win knowledge and you move the hell on.

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Scenario #2 Communication is Key—or sometimes the nail in the coffin.

We all have that one guy that’s lurking around our life.  We may have had a crush on the guy we work with and he’s been sending mixed signals for a while because he’s not entirely ready for a relationship or he may be the guy you had a great first date with and then all of a sudden he fell off the earth for a minute but suddenly reappeared.  The communication piece sometimes can be the definitive reason why you stay down with a person or the reason why you kick him to the curb and never look back.  However I’ve also discovered that communication is another part of the chase that men have not mastered.  The fact of the matter is that REAL MEN HUNT, THEY CHASE and I’ll be damned if I’m going to call a man every single day or initiate every single conversation that we have.  This lurking gentlemen in my life didn’t get the memo.  He will go a whole day or two without calling or texting me and then out of the blue will have the nerve to call me and be pissed.

Him: What’s up baby, why you haven’t hit me up?

Me: Who is this?  (Obviously to piss him off).

Him: You know who the fuck you think this is?  What other n*^^A you hollering at?

Me: You’re the one who’s hollering.  What’s good?

Him: What you doing?

Me: Working as normal, about to go workout.

Him: What you been up to?

Me: Going out, having a good time.

Him: Who you been going out with?

Me: Your daddy, do you have anything to actual say to me?

Him: You got a smart ass mouth.

Me: And?

Him: Let me come over.

Me: Didn’t I just say I’m about to go workout?

Him: It’s like that?

Me: Yeah, hit me up when you want to take me out.  I gotta go.

Him: Aight.

Crazy ain’t it?  I know I add fuel to the fire but truth be told who has time to deal with this mess?  After a conversation like that he hits me up with a text telling me that he misses me… When I sit around and reflect on this I can only conclude that this is pure lunacy.  It may not be his entire intention for me to chase him, he’s probably dealing with someone else, but unless he learns to chase me, he will soon become an afterthought.

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The Verdict!

The search for love can be difficult but the reality is that I want real love.  I want a man who courts me, who texts me in the morning, who calls me every night and when I call him he’s there for me.  I want a man who makes it his priority to take me out at least once a week and I will cook for him at least once a week.  I want a man who wants to hold my hand and kisses my forehead.  Not a man who cannot even decide where we should meet for a drink or who goes days without even hitting me up.  I want a man who takes the actual care of dressing well for a real date and picking me up after I’ve taken the care of getting ready as well.  I don’t want a guy who wants to show up with his grey sweatpants on as if that’s any effort.  My parents weren’t perfect, they had their ups and downs but until my father took his dying breath for over 37 years he courted my mom.  He still brought her flowers now and again and he still took her on dates and called throughout the day.  I may not find exactly what they had but I want as close to it as I can get.

SMOOCHES!

 Rest in Peace, Love and Greatness to my dear sweet and cherished friend EJ, I miss you more than I ever imagined! 

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