Search

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

God, if I'd known dating would've been this tough, I'd joined a convent years ago.

Category

single women

Wasting Someone’s Time: A Fine Line Between Really Funny or Real?

Greetings!  I hope that 2016 has been good to you all.  A new year brings new things, new styles, new ideas and new fads.  One thing that isn’t new to 2016 is our Social Media driven society.  Let’s be honest some of us check on Facebook and Instagram posts more than we check on our friends daily.  In my daily findings in the world of Social Media, I noticed a new edition to 2016, a brand new hashtag, that hashtag is #WASTEHERTIME2016 and #WASTEHISTIME2016.  Now far be it from me to spoil anyone’s fun, I’m all for fun, if you know me personally you’d know that I’m probably one of the goofiest people on the planet.  I will tell a dirty joke just as well as the next person and even though I know it’s a stigma behind it, I love to Dab just as much as Carolina’s star quarterback, Cam Newton.  I am an advocate of fun.  However I do not know why it’s so funny to waste people’s time when it comes to relationships?  Obviously some of these people who have created these hashtags fall in one of the two categories.  People who have never had their time wasted or ones who have and are trying to heal their pain with humor, no matter their diagnosis, I just wonder where is the line between really funny and just plain real?

Wasted time is worse than wasted money because you cannot get time back, when time is gone, it’s gone however money is just an object that can be regained just like numerous other things created by man.  I am coming from the perspective of a woman who has had her time wasted and I’m telling you it’s definitely real for me not funny in any aspect.  Let’s explore the idea of wasted time in greater detail.

#WASTEHERTIME2016 “We’ve been dating for 2 months and then you say you’re not ready for a committed relationship.”

I enjoy many of my Instagram followers, one in particular, a multi-talented young lady who goes by the moniker @indeskribeabull and one of her latest videos chronicled this phenomenon.  Men are quick to call women crazy but who is really crazy?  I’ll be the first to admit that we can be moody, but if you’ve been wining and dining me for a long period of time and we’re doing “relationship” type things why am I crazy for thinking that’s the road that we’re headed towards?  Understanding is the best thing in the world and in the beginning of new relationships, situationships or any type of dating set up it’s best to gain clarity on what both parties want as soon as possible.  On the other hand, men are many things but stupid isn’t one of those things, I personally think they know exactly what they are doing as do women.  Oftentimes men will give women what they believe they want in order to get what they want however men should know that the straightforward approach will get you far more than you’d ever believe.  Why is it that being straightforward is so unpopular?  Who knows the both of you may want the same thing and if you don’t why go through the entire song and dance to waste someone else’s time and possibly cause them heartache just because of what you want?  That alone is selfish and cold.  Just remember that karma is a bitch who has everyone’s address if you’re in favor of wasting someone else’s time for your own personal benefit.

#WASTEHISTIME2016 “Vent to him how you’re single and need a boyfriend, then ask him if his brother is single?”

Contrary to the soapbox that many women tend to stand on men have feelings too.  Many don’t want their feelings hurt nor time wasted no more that I would.  I know many men who are unfairly “friend-zoned” and just like men aren’t oblivious, women are the most cunning of the species so we know when a guy is feeling us, especially if we’ve spent time with the guy or is he “sliding into our DM’s” regularly therefore if you are a hateful young woman who would participate in this particularly mean exchange then karma will find you soon as well.  Men and women both play games and this is a harmful pawn in an all too familiar game of relationship chess, making someone else feel badly while we boost our own ego.  Why must it be this way?  If you don’t want someone, why can’t you just come out and say that to them?  Why must you play around with their emotions?  Who knows if you’re upfront with someone, you just might gain a new friend instead of adding to a list of people who may harbor some resentment for you.

By the same token, I’ve been the woman who turns down a guy flat cold and because of that I am labeled as “cold”, “mean” or I’m sure a “bitch” but why is that so?  I know what I want and what I don’t want therefore I don’t want to waste someone else’s time because I wouldn’t want someone to do it to me.  “Do as to others” is the golden rule.  The reality is that it’s all fun until someone gets hurt.  No one wants to be hurt, no one wants their time wasted, so just don’t.  Be upfront with one another.  But sometimes the upfront person is deemed as the villain due to a society filled with mixed signals, if you aren’t one who chooses to behave in the same manner then you’re the bad guy.  Well say hello to the bad guy, I’d rather be called that than a time pirate.  So trust me when I say “no” I mean it and when I say “yes” I mean the same as well.

When did straightforward become taboo?  When did it become dull and lame?  Since when is mixed signals the preferred manner of dealing with one another?  If you’re just looking for a good time, say it, he or she may be looking for the same and then there is no confusion.  Understanding is a beautiful thing and quite frankly life is too short to be wasting time on anyone that doesn’t want the same as you do.

SMOOCHES! 

Marriage Material? Are you suitable or unfit?

Marriage is often a hot topic among single women, especially since the holidays just ended and the New Year is here.  It seems as though the entire world except me has become engaged and is one step closer to the final destination of marriage.  However I can’t help but wonder are they heading towards a marriage made in heaven or matrimonial hell?  Who is really ready for marriage?

Let’s explore the institution in itself.  Marriage can be looked at in the traditional sense and in very modern ways as well.  In the traditional and biblical scope of things, marriage is a sacrament, it’s sacred and therefore it is something that should be taken seriously.  But is it in these modern times?   Or is it just something that people are trying?  Long marriages aren’t so prevalent in today’s society.  As a young woman, I have some peers who are already on marriage number two and in one instance three.  This alone makes me think are we taking it seriously?  Or is it just a fad or trend?  I also wonder what makes a person truly marriage material?

Traditionally the role of a husband is to be a provider in many ways.  This is true because of Adam, it was Adam’s role to cultivate the garden, you can find this reference in Genesis 2:15, we translate this into man being the ultimate provider.  Even after the fall in Genesis 3:17 Adam’s role did not change.  In our world we acknowledge that the man should be a spiritual and financial provider.  When it comes to the woman, Eve is the blueprint, she was made to be a helper, that is clearly defined in Genesis 2:18.  In our world, traditionally the woman has held down all of the things in the household and I believe because she came from Adam’s rib, she’s always supposed to be by his side, not by behind him contrary to popular belief.

Man is the provider.  Woman is the support system.  Simple.  Or is it?  Contemporary women may in fact accept the man as a provider but there is a fine line between provider and an ATM (All The Man’s Money).  Things change, things evolve.  Should you marry a man primarily because of his financial status?  Does that alone make him prime marriage potential?  The woman as a support system can be misconstrued as well.  Traditionally we have translated Eve’s role as the one who cooks well, cleans the house, maintains the household and most importantly sticks by the man’s side.  However is there a time when a woman is no longer a support system but a doormat instead?  Just because a woman sticks around and sticks around and sticks around, does that make her the ultimate wife?

What are the true qualities of a good spouse?  Let’s explore the obvious ones.

#1 Loyalty

This one is a no-brainer.  No man wants a woman that’s sleeping around and truth be told no woman wants a man that does that either.  Women want to feel secure and no one can feel secure with a person who is disloyal.  This is a universal truth that everyone knows.  Everyone knows this, but still cheating is the number one reason why people break up and many women feel unsecure.  If everyone knows this universal truth why is it that so many have twice as many justifications for the opposition of monogamy instead of reasons to remain true?

#2 Reliable

I believe that reliability is a key asset.  That’s one of the reasons why men usually like a woman who is going to take care of home.  Chances are if she’s taking care of your living space then she’s reliable in other aspects such as money, health and personal assets.  When it comes to women, none of us want a man that we can’t count on.  In addition to us wanting you around, we sometimes need you to do things that we may not necessarily want to handle such as servicing the car, fixing things and dealing with the unsavory cable installer.

#3 Spirituality

No one wants someone who’s worshipping the devil or making sacrifices to Satan.  You need to serve a higher power, Jesus Christ, Yahweh, Allah or Buddha.  An ultimate necessity because no one wants to entrust their life to someone who doesn’t answer to any one other than himself.  Chances are if a person is spiritual then they will have your well-being at heart.  But one still must be cautious, always.  God said to love everyone but put all of your faith and trust in him.

Essentially whether or not a person is marriage material is subjective, it is definitely up for interpretation.  Some ideas differ from the ideas of others, but the institution is no joke.  No matter who is allowed to get married now, no matter if you don’t identify with the biblical ramifications behind it and you just recognize it as a legal or binding union the fact is that when you marry someone you are placing your life in their hands.  If you marry someone then everything that is yours becomes theirs, they now have the right to make medical decisions for you if you are incapacitated, would you want to put your life in the hands of someone who’s disloyal, unreliable and has no sense of morality?  Well with all that in mind, you have to ask yourself, are you truly marriage material or not?

SMOOCHES!

 

Looking or Just Plain Desperate?

As a young educated woman with a career it’s only natural that you’ll want it all, the career and the love of your life, but sometimes I observe others like myself and wonder are you respectfully looking or are you desperately seeking?

Over a year has passed and I am happily able to write that I have spent the same year quite stable in my love life, so I’m not looking at all for love, instead I’m observing my peers via facebook, instagram and social settings….Not to sound completely critical or hypocritical, but honestly watching these women I can see how easily men have gotten away with so much for so long.

The older women get the more flags go off in our brains triggered by time, society and other factors that WE should ALL be in a committed relationship, with a committed guy and if too much time goes by WE will have committed the ultimate sin of becoming an old maid… Honestly, how some of us behave, we should just be, well, COMMITTED! Someone please call a psychiatrist!

Mistake #1 Getting TOO cozy, TOO soon.

Men are hunters by nature, it matters none if they are a Sagittarius or a weird ass Scorpio, they all like to hunt! So for the love of God, let them hunt. In turn, if you give it up all too soon, they’ll be gone too quickly. “It” isn’t just a pronoun for your vagina, it can stand for other things as well! These include but aren’t limited to: 1. Going to a man’s house whom you just met, or don’t know from Adam rather. 2. Allowing him to get too cozy in your apartment or residence too soon. 3. Allowing him to know far more about you than you know about him. 4. Giving him more material possessions than he’s given you!
If you give it too easily, what are you allowing him to accomplish or hunt?! Nothing! People are selfish by nature, we can’t help it. Men are out for what they can get and the same goes for we women, but we have a slight advantage over men, which is that…vagina rules the world, so make him earn it and everything over time… That way if things don’t work out, you won’t feel used or stupid!

Scenario #1. Karla and Kevin.
Kevin rescues Karla one night. Karla is mesmerized, Karla gives Kevin her number. Kevin texts her constantly. Karla is flattered. Kevin asks her out. Karla goes out with him. Karla has a good time. By the end of the month Karla is cooking for Kevin in her apartment, allowing him to stay days and nights on end. Karla introduces Kevin to her friends. Her friends are mesmerized until Kevin tells the waiter at the bar that he’s just out with friends. Karla’s friends ask Kevin isn’t Karla your girlfriend? Kevin says, I’m not ready for a commitment, I thought we were just kicking it?! Karla feels used and hurt. Kevin never calls again! Karla cries to me. I say “dumbass, you should’ve spoken with him about that before you started cooking damn full course meals and playing house, that’s wifey stuff that he never had to work for… ” You’ve only known him a little over a month, I have a deeper relationship with the 150.00 Steve Madden pumps I just purchased… I mulled over that purchase for three weeks before I decided to go ahead and get them!
Moral: A man is all about TAKE, you have to make him GIVE!

Mistake #2 Projecting all of your wants and desires on a man!

I don’t know where women got the bright idea that men can read minds… News flash***Men can’t read minds*** if you want something from them, I suggest you flat out tell them. I know that takes away from the mystique and romance, but who cares? Life is NO fairy tale! Prince Charming doesn’t exist until you tailor make that construction worker from top to bottom…. If you have a man who is willing, tell him what you want! Let him know that you want marriage, kids, a future in the suburbs, don’t assume he knows that’s what you want, because every woman isn’t created equal. Case in point, my future is in a Manhattan apartment as a writer, professor with (in my 2 Chainz voice) NO KIDS! My love knows this… They can’t know if you don’t tell them.

Scenario #2. Delia and Carlton.
Delia spent 6 years with Carlton never telling him what she wanted. Finally, she leaves, goes off to Atlanta and works for TBS… Years pass and she runs into Carlton in the ATL with his new wife and baby. She whines to me, that woman has my life. I said, “No…You need to get yo life”… “Never did you tell that boy you wanted marriage and a kid, he thought you wanted a life where you focused on your career and that’s all! Dummy!”

Mistake #3. Being thirsty! Being eager!

Lord I know so many groups of girls who go out every weekend with three things on the brain, penius, penius, penius. They get their hair done only if they’re going to potentially meet men, wear heels for the same purpose and buy new party dresses with guys on their minds. My God, sit your thirsty asses down! Get your hair done because it needs it! Buy heels so you make yourself look fabulous and purchase clothes so you’ll be ready for whatever event that presents itself. They want to know about the guys that will be at the party before the party begins. “What fraternity are they from?” “What chapter?” “How many are single?” “How many women did you invite?” “How many men said they were coming?” My reply: “Heifer just come cause I told you to and leave your desperation at home”. A man can spot a thirsty heifer from 100ft and either they’ll prey on you or just pray for you! The ones who choose to prey on you will charm your ass initially and as soon as they get the cookies, they’ll leave your thirsty ass high and dry, again. Got milk?

Scenario #3. Taylor and Daniel.
Taylor meets Daniel at an event at a local restaurant, she went there to meet a guy. It’s obvious to Daniel that she’s looking for a man because he’s been watching her since she got there. She’s giving several men the “eye” to see if they’ll bite! She has her cleavage out and she checks her make-up several times. Daniel says to himself, this is too easy. Daniel goes over and introduces himself, he’s wearing his fraternity jacket “that always gets the women jocking”…. They talk the entire night, or rather she went on for hours and occasionally he interjected a little bit of information here and there. The next day he adds her as a friend on Facebook after he’s changed his status twice saying “he wants a beautiful Nubian queen to share his world with”… Two days pass and Taylor goes to his house at his urging, they fool around, but Taylor isn’t completely dumb, they don’t go all the way. Daniel is smart. He changes his status after she leaves to “I think I found her”… Three days passes, Daniel gets her cookies. He calls her to make sure she’s gotten home, she thinks he’s a real gentleman. Two hours later she discovers he’s defriended her on Facebook and suddenly stops answering her texts. Daniel also forgot to mention that he’s about to move so as soon as she musters the strength to go to his house and confront him, she discovers he doesn’t live there anymore. Taylor feels had. I shake my head…. “Yeah, you have been had!”

Daniel was able to tap into Taylor’s vulnerability from the start just from her body language at the event and she allowed him to know much more information about herself than she ever acquired about him. She made multiple mistakes from the beginning and Daniel capitalized on it. Sometimes some guys are pure and simple opportunists.

I’m not saying that I have never been stupid. But lessons are meant for you learn from them. If the same stuff keeps happening to you, the common denominator is YOU! Time alone is meant to work on you. What is meant for you, can and only be for you, stop being so thirsty for men that you lose all sound judgment. Youth is no excuse to whore around because that stuff will catch up to you! Have some dignity for Christ’s sake!

SMOOCHES!

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑