Hard Blog

Hello all!  I pray that the Fall has been good to you already.  For me, it’s been a bit of fun as usual but also a lot of hard work.  I’m proud to report that I’ve hired someone to proofread my first manuscript and I’m working on the second manuscript in my fictional series.  Now how I’m going to publish such is another story.  With all of that being said, as I work on my professional accomplishments I always try and reflect a bit on my personal life or lack thereof.  Above you see a meme that I posted earlier this week on my social media pages and it’s sparked my post of today.  For those of you that are listening instead of reading the post, the meme simply states “It’s hard being a girl and real nigga at the same time”, now I changed the “N” word for the sake of the title and for those of you who aren’t black, I’m sure you have some ideas about what that means, but in case you are clueless I’m going to break it down.  That word has a lot of connotations, a lot of which are negative but within the African-American community, we are great at flipping things and sometimes within the context of the conversation we can mean that in a positive way when referring to oneself.  Nevertheless, I’ll give you some synonyms on what that means in this context.  You can substitute the word with either of the following: chick, intelligent person, a person that isn’t for games or simply real again.  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me elaborate as to how that plays into my life as of now.

My approach to dating is the same as it is with my overall standard of living.  I work hard, I play hard, I’m straightforward, I am caring, I don’t like a lot of pretenses and I am a true romantic.  I have a romantic outlook on a lot of things.  I think life is an adventure which is why I am enamored with traveling and experiencing new settings.  Nothing is more flowery to me than doing something that I’ve never done before or going somewhere I’ve never been before.  However just as you cannot leave the country without your passport, one cannot get to the romantic side of me without being real.  My walls cannot crumble if I can’t trust you.  Therefore, I reflect what I expect.  I am a real chick.  I want you to be real with me.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t send me mixed messages.  By mixed messages I mean, saying that you want to see someone but all you do is text, you say you want to see a girl but you don’t ever plan an opportunity to see her.  WTF?  It’s hard being a real nigga and a girl at the same time because a lot of women will let this ish go on and on and on and on…. but yours truly, naw.

I won’t be all needy and clingy and girly about the matter.  I’ll even speak when you see me but when you ask me what’s up?  I’m going to explicitly tell you what’s up.

Them versus me

The typical girl allows you to tell her a blatant lie, I won’t.  I’ll call you out on it, you’re not being truthful.  There it is.

The typical girl stalks your page.  I simply pay closer attention to whom you’re giving your social media attention to.  Whose posts are you liking, commenting on and interacting with?

The typical girl is content with those “good morning” texts and messages all damn day but I am not.  Especially if that’s all you’re doing.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know I’m on your mind but who else is on your mind?  I can send multiple “good morning” texts just like you can.

The typical girl will get violent when you do her wrong and do all of these ludicrous things to your belongings and you while I’m very different.  Meaning I will do nothing.  Trust me, nothing resonates quite loudly and it does a lot of damage because as I do nothing, I will also isolate myself from you and deny you the gift that is me, trust me, I’m a gift.

The typical girl wants you to have her all over your page and put on appearances for the masses while I’m not that girl.  I just want something that is real.  Truly real, if you want to post me, post me, but don’t post me and then be lying to me and making me look like a damn fool because I’m not here for that at all.  Whenever I’m not here for something, I’m gone in every sense of the word.

The Reality

The reality of what my love life has gone like lately can be summed up in a similar exchange:

Men: Women should tell us what they want.

Me: This is explicitly what I want. (Provides a literal step by step list)

Men: What do you want?

Me: I just told you and provided a list.

Men: I mean, I’m sorry, I can’t figure out what I did wrong.

Me: Okay.  **Exits stage left**

The true reality is that many men say that want a girl who doesn’t like drama, who is explicit about her wants, who is determined, who is faithful, who is beautiful, who is smart and who will enrich their lives but is it what they’re ready for?  They aren’t.  They are so used to the turmoil, drama, and dysfunction so much that they don’t even realize it.  Therefore when they are faced with a girl who’s also a real nigga, they don’t know what to do?


I had a friend, he was also a real nigga and he left a daughter on this earth, a daughter who I saw turn 8 on last week.  I am so glad that I can be there for her but I certainly wish he was still here in the physical form for all of us.  I miss you my dear friend E.J. and just know that each day without you, is a little less bright, because you were a light to us all.