Greetings all! I pray that you’re having a really nice spring and you’re looking forward to some great family time with the upcoming holidays and some fun in the sun. I know that I am. I’m currently looking for some ideas for Memorial Day so if you have any, I am all ears. Well a certain subject has reared its head and I think I should speak on it. This particular subject is always around in the single, black community and it’s always a hot button issue, which is the idea of interracial dating. It comes back more times than a rapper out of retirement and James Brown back to the stage when he’s put on his red cape. The subtopics that exist within the concept is the phenomenon of black men in power or wealth who intentionally date outside of their race and in some cases the same thing occurs with affluent black women. I tried to avoid this topic but when it kept appearing in pop culture, I felt like I needed to speak on it.
“This is why I propose that black women and Asian men join forces in love, marriage, and procreation. Educated black women, what better intellectual match for you than an Asian man?”-Issa Rae
The aforementioned quote is quite interesting. Insecure‘s creator and star, Issa Rae, published that bit of advice in her book and it took the internet by storm last week. Some people said that it was hypocritical on the part of black women because we’re always complaining about affluent black men purposefully seeking out women of other races and they bypass the sisters. While some people didn’t have any issues with it because they have the “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” philosophy for the same reasons and think the time is now for payback. I mean it’s been a trend with powerful black women to turn the tables on their counterparts. You have Serena Williams, Janet Jackson, Eve, Zoe Saldana and Alfre Woodard who have already demonstrated that happiness doesn’t have to be achieved with a black man. It’s all quite, interesting.
The Storm Continues…..
Now last week a lot of black men had a problem with us being hypocrites by praising Eve but being mad at Kanye. This storm ensued with the criticism of Donald Glover, Mr. Childish Gambino, after he came out with a piece of art that is beyond woke. Some critics said he wasn’t really “woke” because his mate was a white woman. Which arose the question, could an Issa or Donald be truly woke if they were willing to go outside of their race for the most important decision of their lives? Interesting.
The Hypocrisy of It All…..
Let’s be honest. Love is supposed to be blind. Well hell, so is justice. But in this country, is either? I’ll be the first to admit that my image of happiness in a mate is the personification of a black king. It ain’t nothing more beautiful than a Mandika-Zulu-Warrior looking chocolate specimen with a smile like Michael B. Jordan and swag of Nas. But then that arises another question, exactly which “black” men do we really want? Do we prefer those ones like Michael B. Jordan and shun those who are more like Donald Glover?
Are we more inclined to want a certain type of black man and if he doesn’t fit into that criteria, we cast him aside but then get mad when he chooses a non-melanated individual? If this is true, why hadn’t we considered that maybe black men who wind up with others have possibly not attracted the type of black woman that he wanted and it was just easier for him to wind up with someone else? Can we just consider that it could possibly not have been about race?
There are a lot of stereotypes that are attached to black women, hell women in general. But we’ve got to get away from that, as well as the stereotypes that go along with any group of people. I think the true hurt that manifests itself with a lot of black women is that when our kings say they prefer not to date or marry us after we’ve supported their careers and progression in multiple ways. The hurt intensifies when a black man has had children with black women. With that, you’re saying we’re good enough for you to knock up but not good enough to wed. Or when you were trapping in the hood you had a Kesha, but when you get your record deal and the come up, you seek out a Karreuche. The intention creates a lot of the hurt. Let’s explore some of these stereotypes.
Harmful Stereotypes vs. The Reality
- Sisters are Loud…… No, sisters are passionate and spirited. You’ll want that Cookie Lyon when the white man is trying to pull something over your ass.
- Sisters are Hardheaded…. No, sisters are natural leaders, treat us as partners and you won’t have that issue, Eve came from Adam’s rib, not his ass. So if you want us to get behind you, be careful with the wording of that. Do you want to build with us or make a damn fool out of us? We have no problem with being led if you can lead. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow you to take me through hell.
- Sisters are gold-diggers…. Uh, goal maybe, didn’t you hear that black women are the most degreed and lettered demographic in these United States? So snap up the right one and build an empire with. With that being said, I’m working on this doctorate, do you think I’m going to allow myself to get jammed up by someone’s dusty ass promiscuous son with four child support orders? Uh, hell no. You oughta want a Keisha Ka’oir on your team. Ask Gucci.
- Sisters are baby mamas….. Well hell we didn’t knock ourselves up. By the same token that you want your BM to take care of the child, you should want to take care of yours as well and stop making them with every damn woman you see. I’m no one’s baby mama and I don’t think anyone has ever aspired to become such. And if she did, regardless of her color, run.
- Sisters are violent….. Well that’s untrue, because I’m not here for it, the first time a man hits me, he’d better be ready to remember the memory of me, because he is done. I will leave him completely alone and he will be staring at the end of a restraining order and pistol if he doesn’t take my word for it. That’s not violent, that’s diligent. I’ll be damned if I have to fight the world and then have to come home and fight as well. I’m not bringing war to my home in any shape, form or fashion. Also, my summation…. Tiger Wood’s wife, Elin Nordegren, now you can’t get any whiter than her, and she went postal on his black ass. LOL!
With all of that being said. What I don’t want to happen for black men and women is for us to turn our backs on each other. We have the world who has already done that. I don’t feel like Issa, Alfre, Eve, Janet nor Serena are any less woke because they have white men as their spouses nor do I feel that way about Donald Glover either. Now when a black man ultimately decides that we’re not good enough for them when they came from a black woman, we don’t want that man anyway. Fuck him. When a black woman says the same, she’s not a sister either, fuck her. As I don’t want us to give up on one another, I don’t want us to limit ourselves either. What if for the sake of sanity, the man who is going to be the best option for you in every conceivable way just happens to be devoid of melanin, who are we to say no? If a man has dated every sister that has turned his head and it doesn’t work out and he meets a white woman who brings him what he needs, then by all means, ride off into the sunset with her, just don’t ever turn your back on us. We have to be there for one another because if we don’t, we are truly doomed.
Mother’s Day is approaching and I have two mothers that I have to shop for. The mother that I was born with, and the mother of my dear, departed friend EJ. I take pride in doing so, because I know that if he was down here and I was up there, he’d do the same. See that’s what real friends do, they take up the slack and reciprocate. So many of us are in “friendships” that aren’t reciprocal but instead it’s a parasitic where one person is preying off of the relationship and the other person isn’t getting a thing. I am so glad that my friendship with you dear friend was anything but that. As long as there is breath in my body and I am able, your family will have me to lean on, to call on, and to pray for them. I miss you dear friend. You were truly one of a kind and your friendship showed me what friendship was really about. I love you. Rest in love dear brother.