Greetings all! I pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I also pray that you didn’t over do it at the dinner table because we all are growing older and the overconsumption of food can be a trend that leads to so many preventable diseases. As you can probably tell, wellness is something that is also near and dear to my heart as is this blog and a multitude of things. Being full is a blessing, don’t become overly full due to greed. Greed is hardly ever a good thing. Well I am full. I am full of optimism, I’m full of possibilities and due to the realization that I’ve just discovered, I’m especially full of pride. During this season of Thanksgiving, I’ve had the opportunity to reconnect with friends which is something I am eternally grateful for.
The reconnection with old friends is a sign of growth and maturity, which is something we all need. It’s a beautiful thing to reflect on how foolish you were before and how open-minded one has become going forward. It allows you to realize which “friends” are really there for you and which ones are just there. Trust me there’s a distinction. Real friends are there when things get messy, difficult, hard and downright shitty. They don’t just call you when they want something but they reach out to you because they can sense that something is off. Real friends support you even when it’s inconvenient.
In addition to taking stock with determining who’s real and who’s really flaky, I’ve realized something at the hands of an entertainer that spoke to my soul in ways that it hadn’t been reached in quite some time. A couple of weeks back, Tracee Ellis Ross, an award-winning actress and the daughter of an icon, Diana Ross delivered a speech that spoke to so many women. If you haven’t witnessed her speech, please look it up, because it is needed drastically in today’s society. Her words spoke to me and her words are the title for this post. “My Life is Mine”.
My Life is Mine
As a single, unmarried woman who is childless you can imagine that I am on the receiving end of frequent bullshit on a regular basis. I usually get served bullshit by so-called “friends”, co-workers and society about my marital status or lack thereof. Even though I get served this BS from three different entities on a regular basis, when it comes to my single status, all BS servers are serving the same dish. That dish is to lower my expectations aka settle. I get told by my “friends” that I am shallow or picky. I get told by my co-workers that I’m looking for too much and society tells me that I should be happy with a man who is a “work in progress”. I get told all of these things because being a 32 year old woman with no husband and no children is just tragic. I mean what kind of meaning could I possibly have if I am not a mother nor a wife. This is tragic.
Of course by now you know that I am not buying this garbage right? My “friends” who say that I am too shallow or picky are not real friends. They are not the ones who really know what it’s like to be me. They don’t know how hard it has been to grow up in a family of queens who get their crowns dusted, trampled and damaged at the hands of men who are unworthy. My co-workers who spit that garbage don’t know me as half as much as they think they do and by some of the “advice” that they give, I doubt it if I will ever let them get close enough to really know me. Lastly, society can kiss my ass, because a nation that elects a pussy-grabbing pervert as their Commander-in-Chief who seems to have a whole damn band of equally sick supporters in his party is hardly in any position to give me dating tips.
I reflect what I expect. Quite simple. I want me a me. Yes, you read that right. I want an ambitious, educated, adventurous, upstanding man who has morals and who wouldn’t dream of irresponsibly bringing a multitude of children into this world by multiple women. I want a man who has goals and is geared towards a path of exploration and excellence and quite frankly unless a man is all of that, he can stay exactly where his ass is.
Single Lives Matter
Society is so narrow-minded. There are a lot of people who actually think that if you don’t have children or a man beside you that your life is dull and meaningless. Ha. That is quite possibly the most absurd thing that has ever been imagined. Now to those who have a wonderful marriage and lovely children, there is no shade at all from me. Love your life but just because you love yours doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to love mine. All of our lives have meaning, just different ones. While you were planning to have a date night with your husband. I was reconnecting with a college friend. While you were doing your family’s laundry, I was speaking to the youth at a church. While you were running around behind your toddlers, I was going to kickboxing class. As you were planning a family reunion, I was attending Caribana. As you were cooking dishes for that reunion, I was throwing paint at J’ouvert. I met a new friend to travel with as you were searching for someone to coupon with. I went on three road trips alone as you were exploring the new supermarket in solitude. As you were organizing a yard sale, I was servicing the community. You decided to invest in a new refrigerator, I decided to invest in stocks. You made a pledge to learn how to have date night with your husband on a regular basis, I made a pledge to learn a new language. All of these things are outlined to say this, I don’t want your life, I want my life. If God sees fit for my life to change with a husband and kids, then it will be. When that day comes, my life will have as much meaning then as it does now.
Since you left, every single post that I have composed has been dedicated to you and that will continue. Last week, justice was delivered to the sad soul that took your life. She fainted in court due to her sentencing, but she just doesn’t know that we all are walking around with a fainted spirit since the day she took your life for no good reason. I see that waning of happiness every time I look upon the face of those who grew up around you or who were close to you. I deal with that waning of spirit every single day. Every time I write a dedication to you, tears fall, every prayer that send up for your family, tears come, every prayer that I send for the souls of those who value material possessions over human lives are lubricated with those tears due to waning happiness because you are gone. I am thankful for the friendship that you gave me and I won’t ever take it for granted. I carry you in my spirit even though sometimes the memories hurt like hell. Your light is another reason why settling for anything but sheer happiness is unheard of. I know you wouldn’t let me. Rest in love and continue to watch out for us all up there.
November 26, 2017 at 8:20 am
You hit the nail on the head with this post. Your reasons and justifications for what you want in life and he things you’re going through are not to be trifled with. For so-called friends to bring such negative opinions rather than supporting words is by no means the words of real friends. And co-workers – exactly that: co-workers, not friends. Their opinion is in valid. Believe me, I recon there’s a great deal of people in the exact same position and mindset as you, both guys and girls, around a similar age. Speaking for myself and a few others I know this is the case. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with high expectations. Others who are able to tolerate lower standards, so to speak, that’s great for them. Everyone is different and wants something different. It’s topics like this as you’ve so clearly put forward, that makes you realise who is important to you. Fantastic blog by the way I like your language and the way you write.
November 26, 2017 at 8:24 am
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and offering your opinion. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Thanks again for taking the time to read and offer your support.