Greetings all! Fall is upon us and it’s a wonderful thing. Personally I love the visual of the foliage and watching all of the colors emerge from the summer green. In the dating world for those of you who are attached, it means cooler temperatures which will prompt more indoor closeness. That is always a wonderful thing but alas for we singles, it’s just another season where we will wonder exactly how many seasons that our dating status will remain the same? LOL! Hey you have to laugh to keep from crying. Humor is a powerful balm. With that being said, no matter the season or the occasion, the world of dating never ceases to amaze me. Recently in the land of social media, the re-emergence of closed groups has inserted itself in the dating world and I’m unhappy to report that I think it has widened the gap of possibly being in a meaningful relationship more so than ever. Please allow me to describe and elaborate on this mess.
A Grey Bearded Mess
There are two social media groups on Facebook which has brought up a multitude of ugly truths and harsh realities for the millennials who are still out there hoping to find the real thing. The Facebook group for Bearded Men went viral so quickly that everyone and their mother was hip to its existence. I mean the creation of the group is huge. It made the Huffington Post for Christ’s sake. The creator made the group to allow bearded men to share pics and grooming tips for their facial hair however women all over the world had such a presence in the group that the purpose has warped many times over and over again. There has even been some talk about the group being turned into a dating site. The entire group was supposed to be a closed group and it is in namesake, but virtually anyone who is already a member of the group can allow others inside to view all the posts and utter craziness as a result. I didn’t ask to join but needless to say many of my Facebook friends thought my presence was necessary. For me, I categorized the women who are members as to being one of the following:
- Nosy: Women who just want to be privy as to what is going on.
- Spectators: Women who just want to look at the gorgeous men who are actually in the group.
- Thirst Queens: Women who are in the group hoping to get their freak on.
For me, I am the first. My ass is just nosy. I don’t really care about beards so much that I fawn over a guy’s facial hair and I would never ever think to find my Prince Charming online. Why? Because I’m overly cautious, having been the baby girl of the family and been an aunt since I was 5 years old, I have heard just about every damn dating disaster that you can think of. Also having been a citizen of Memphis for years, I believe that many disasters follow certain people because they leave themselves open to way too much. Someone behind a damn computer screen could make up any facade known to man and make you swoon and wind up in a vulnerable state. Don’t believe me? Watch some of those cautionary tales on TVOne about women falling for the wrong guy and winding up as a news bulletin. My intuition guides me and personally I cannot use my intuition to its fullest potential behind a damn social media app. Come on now.
With me being the nosy group member that I am, I witnessed a lot of deplorable shit. First and foremost, I witnessed a few men using some fake pictures of blog models to promote themselves. Yes, the pictures were false and I know they were false because I follow a lot of style blogs because I love fashion and I know the models’ names and they just didn’t match to the participants posting their pictures. Can you say catfish? Secondly, I witnessed a lot of women who were doing the absolute most in a group that has well over 1 million members. Things like posting their pictures in the group, why? It’s for men with beards. Also, there are over a million members in this group, do you think it’s wise to be posting your picture and personal information in this group? Talk about making yourself a target! Then there’s the absolute worst, women virtually sending their coochie through social media. What the hell?. Have some pride. Have some dignity. But the thirst didn’t stop there. They went from insinuating that beards are an aphrodisiac to straight up spelling the shit out with the second group which is labeled “Grey Sweatpants Matter”. Now if you aren’t familiar with the grey sweatpants craze, I’ll just tell you, when a man who is well endowed in the southern region wears grey sweatpants, their endowment is easily visible. Therefore women are objectifying men who wear such, especially if their package is worthy.
This sparks so much conversation and debate. Now I am proud to say that it is a glorious day when men are objectified as much as women however by the same token, men and women are completely different so these men who post those pictures of their eggplants are perfectly fine with being objectified while in the past women weren’t always so fine with being reduced to nothing but sexual beings. I digress. Now don’t get me wrong, I am no Victorian, I am no angel and I have a dirty mind as well as a dirty mouth, but with that being said, it’s something I am….and that is a fucking lady. I refuse to put myself out there being thirsty over the damn internet to get attention from a man regardless of what they may or may not look like. Also, I refuse to get all hot and bothered about an appendage that hangs between a man’s legs nestled by some Wal-mart ass Hanes sweatpants. It’s just not going to happen with yours truly and I’ll explain to you why.
Dating Welfare: (n) is the phenomenon where single people have lowered their standards so drastically due to being single for prolonged periods of time that they are just about willing to do anything to get out of the slump including sacrificing their dignity and sense of propriety.
Yes, I created this term and I’ll tell you why I have coined this phrase. During the term of FDR the US Welfare system was created and since then and many presidents later the government institution has received many different additions or subtractions. During the 1960s there was the addendum entitled “man in the house” rules that denied families benefits if there was an able-bodied man in the house. This sparked a lot of women to deny men and to deny the institution of marriage because they craved the stability of a government check instead. Think about that. On the other hand, women who valued the role of a steady and worthy father figure eventually weened themselves from the program and welcomed an able-bodied man to pick up the slack. The entire welfare system has sparked so much debate and in turn stereotypes as well. Some of those stereotypes are somewhat fathomable but very ugly and harmful also. Think about it, welfare, or any other government entity where you depend on the government for any compensation opens you up to the following:
- You being given whatever the government sees fit.
- The government is all up in your business (“man in the house rules” , “tax restrictions to attain such benefits”)
- Limited resources to entities that promotes progress.
In other words, if you rely on the government for any damn thing, they are just going to give you whatever THEY want to give you. They are going to have other people all up in your damn business and going to do everything they possibly can to pigeonhole you to your current situation. If the government gives you anything, it’s not to uplift you, it’s to keep you stagnant. Dating welfare is the same.
Any man who you attain under the following circumstances is the equivalent to dating welfare:
- You throwing your vagina through social media due to a mere photo—- real men hunt, he who hunts, appreciates his prey.
- Not putting down any groundwork—- men should be required to do much more than text, Netflix and Chill, Firestick and Dick.
Just like the government is all in your business when they give you anything, you’re putting your business out there for 1 million group members when you’re being thirsty through a post is the same. Also, if you allow a man to just do the bare minimum, that’s what you’re going to get, the bare minimum, just like damn welfare. You are not going to get enough to buy a house in the suburbs, you’re not going to get enough to start your own business, you are not going to get enough to pay your child’s tuition, you are going to get just enough to get by. Therefore men attained under of these circumstances quite frankly ain’t shit and won’t fulfill your emotional desires. Trust me. The women in our families who got themselves off of welfare are probably the ones who stood for something. They are the women who realized that their present situation wasn’t their end all be all and made the men around them bring something to the house other than a stiff dick. They made those men work and when those men worked, they were able to build together and even though they may have started out as an archetype of Florida Evans throughout progress and perseverance they worked towards becoming the Harriet Winslows and Claire Huxtables of the 1980s. But here we are reverting back. We aren’t bringing style, grace and poise to the table anymore and men are treating us accordingly. Yes, I said it.
If you are a woman of grace, style, poise and dignity, you don’t have to beg. There’s an art to being a woman. There’s an artful way in letting a man know that you’re interested without being a damn thirst bucket. There’s a way of asserting yourself by carrying yourself like Lena Horne all the while quoting Cardi B lyrics. You see, when you are a woman of quality, the possibilities are endless, you can be wealthy in a multitude of ways and the man that attains such will reflect that. But the man who is on the receiving end of entities where women are making spectacles of themselves will not yield desired dividends, those are the men who were content with only coming over at night and leaving before sunrise to make sure the woman kept those welfare benefits or in today’s age, the section 8 vouchers because truth be told, they aren’t going to bring shit to the table in the first place.
Hey. It’s a sad truth, but someone had to say it. Tonight I chose to put it out there. There’s a difference between shooting your shot and being a damn thot. When you’re publicly drooling queens, your crown is falling and when one queen’s crown is slipping the rest of us feel the pain. We’ve got to do better and most importantly we’ve got to call each other out on our shit without getting on the defense and vow to make a change.
Calling each other out on their shit is the basis of a great friendship. I had that in my dear sweet friend EJ. I miss you ole boy. You used to tell me when I was wrong and supported me when I was right. I want to keep doing right. There’s a blessing in having friends that are male that you trust and through the trust that I had with you, I was able to value myself. I thank you for that. Rest on in love because you are loved and you represent love to me.