Happy Holidays all! I certainly hope that you had a gluttonous Thanksgiving and a delightful Christmas with the hopes of a joyful New Year, I for one will be glad to say good bye to 2016 because it has been a year of many trials and thankfully so, a few triumphs as well. As I reflect on my accomplishments this year, I also reflect on the current state of relationships or lack there of and it’s come to my attention that just as teenagers have a sense of entitlement in virtually every facet of life, many millenials believe that the opposite sex has the same approach towards dating. That is an unhealthy sense of entitlement.
Entitlement is the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Inherently means that you think these privileges should be just bestowed upon one without having put forth any real effort. Once I really reflected on the idea presented to me, I can see how this could be true. The roles of men and women have definitely been distorted over the years, I can attest to that, however I do wonder has entitlement been one of the reasons that this is so.
Years ago, if you and a young man exchanged phone numbers, the woman expected the phone call however nowadays you’re lucky if they send you an initial text. Are men entitled to the right to communicate in any way that they want to? I mean, it’s not like miscommunication can occur through texts and communication isn’t that important, is it? But does the entitlement simply end here? Certainly not, women are guilty of such as well. We automatically think that we are entitled to expensive dinners and trappings just for being a woman, but is that realistic? Is it right? And does this entitled idea lead to men thinking they are entitled to sex after delivering the material goods? Hmmm??? So if this is true, just what have you truly earned and if you hadn’t earned anything what must you learn from the entire situation?
Entitled Expectations vs. Harsh Reality
Entitlement #1: Sex
This is an old staple that hasn’t really changed over the years, men think that if they do certain things then women will be more inclined to recline and expand their limbs in the boudoir! LOL! However it just doesn’t end there, the expectations that are aligned with sex don’t just end with giving it, it continues with delivery and frequency as well. Men want women who are Victoria’s Secret models and porn stars all rolled into one. Talk about unrealistic.
Harsh Reality #1: Fat Chance
Even if you get a woman to put out at your demand, trust me there’s a tradeoff somewhere. She’s going to expect something outrageous as a result and chances are if you want a woman of quality, she is not going to behave in such a deplorable way sexually right off the bat. When it comes to this sex, men are not entitled to such, it must be earned with a certain level of intimacy that can only be achieved with time and getting to know one another. You must learn that great sex has to be earned. It’s not an entitlement by any means thus demanding it initially is not the best tactic.
Entitlement #2: Submission
Come on, every man dreams of this. A little woman who will cater to his whims and won’t give him lip about it. She will submit to his demands and make his life all the more easier while he gets to do whatever it is that he likes. The very definition of submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. This idea is an old concept however the millenials have warped its perception greatly. Some of us hear this term and laugh because Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey come to mind! The entire notion of submission goes deeper though. It’s vintage and even biblical because we are taught as Christians that the ideal wife will submit to her husband. But in today’s society, a lot of people leave out the terms “wife” and “husband” completely. In fact, statistics show that the amount of marriages in this generation has diminished drastically. Which leads me to another entitlement that has formed, the “playing house” phenomenon where men want all of the perks of being a husband (submission, chastity, love, devotion, cooking, cleaning, living quarters) but they aren’t willing to take the leap. Hell even after being flogged, fettered and fucked, Ana became Mrs. Christian Grey.
Harsh Reality #2: No one will follow you if you cannot lead
Can you lead? I know that the gender roles have changed a bit, most women can earn a decent living nowadays, hell a lot of the men I know earn less than I do. And in some cases, some of the very men who have pursued me have less than I do, but monetary earnings aren’t the makings of a true leader, a great leader has vision, is accountable and is trustworthy. If you don’t have behave in that manner how can anyone let alone your significant other follow your lead and in turn submit to your vision, assuming you have one. If your only reason for desiring submission is to have someone who will play the Michel’le to your Dr. Dre then you aren’t ready to be a husband nevertheless lead anyone. No woman wants to be led to Hell on Earth or after.
Entitlement #3: Physical Requirements
I will never understand how a man will want a woman to have luxuriously naturally long hair, beautiful face without makeup, perfect smile, big breasts, flat stomach, small waist, big booty, lean legs and pedicured feet all the while he has less than perfect hair, a mediocre face, chipped teeth and a beer gut. What the hell? Why is it that you expect us to be Miss America while you’re Al Bundy. I admit that sometimes I am a bit picky here but I’ve played the “so I’m not attracted to him now” game and in turn I still wind up turned off sexually and in other facets of the relationship. I do believe the biology of the physical attraction is valid but one must be realistic with what they want on the outside of a mate.
Harsh Reality #3: The list causes more harm than good.
Yes, the list, the list of physical requirements that you have for all of your suitors must go. You should have standards but not some arbitrary list of physical requirements because not only is it hateful but it’s just not smart. We can’t go into a factory and build our mate, Lord knows if we could, there’d be millions of women walking around with Odell Beckham Jr. on their arm, sounds idyllic but it’s just not so. You’re setting yourself up for failure. There are some deal breakers but sometimes you are attracted to the antithesis of what you think is aesthetically pleasing. I once dated an overweight man and physically I was as attracted to him as I’d been the tight end who made it to my end zone! LOL! You never realize how limiting the superficial list can be.
Entitlement #4 Support and Compromise
Men want support. Women want support. Men want compromise. Women want it all. With this admission, it seems as though women are the more selfish of the pair. I’ll admit that I want it all and I want it right now. But I’m learning to deal with this. I am not the only one like this and many men are the same. Men are quick to complain about how women aren’t supportive and we want you to have it all together the minute that you meet but you aren’t completely innocent here either. Men persecute women because they aren’t willing to put it all on the line for a man who has betrayed their trust before or who hasn’t earned it at all. Neither sexes are in the clear when it comes to support nor compromise.
Harsh Reality #4: Support and Compromise take work that only comes with time and trust.
With support and compromise time and trust are the only thing that really yields such. Men cannot expect women to support them 100% if there hasn’t been any real communication or time put into the relationship. This goes hand in hand with their hair brained schemes of becoming the next Drake. Baby if we know you don’t know your metaphors from personification you cannot expect us to just support your desires if there hasn’t been some work put into the relationship nor your “dream”. While we women must realize that a man will not compromise with us if we haven’t done the same. How can you expect a man to build you the home of your dreams if you cannot even take care of the apartment that you rent. If you’re running around in the streets 3-4 nights per week acting like a thot then he cannot support the notion of making you a wife. If he has a brain at all.
Entitlement? Are we truly entitled to anything in a relationship? Yes, we certainly are. We are entitled to the truth. The truth is that with everything that we desire, work and time must be given or you aren’t entitled to a damn thing and even then, it isn’t entitled, it’s earned. The truth of the matter is that when you earn something, you treasure it 100 times more than when it’s just given to you. So men, don’t be so upset that I make you wait 90 days or so to get this cookie, trust me it gets sweeter and sweeter over time and you’ll appreciate me that much more. On the other hands ladies accept the 2 for 20 date in the beginning because when he finally gives your the four course meal at the five star restaurant for your six month anniversary it will be a true accomplishment. We’re all a work of progress and with progression one must know it only comes with work, if you didn’t work for it. How can you think that you’re entitled to anything?
One of the biggest tragedies that I faced in 2016 was the loss of my best friend, EJ, he was a lifelong friend that you could never ever forget. His love was real and it was felt and thank God it’s still here. Every day I think of you, every day I miss you and I don’t think the tears will ever stop because of the way that you were taken from us. I pray that you are at peace and I know you are in the presence of Love. Because I know you are with the Lord. I love you EJ and missing you will never cease. I thank God for allowing me to have such a friend and I pray that everyone is granted that gift. Rest in Love and Everlasting Peace, dear sweet friend.