Greetings all! I know it’s been a minute, well my professional life is taking off and consequently my personal life is a hot mess, the great thing about that is that it gives me material to blog about. Dating in this millenial generation is getting to be quite a hassle. In between various forms of social media, technology and mixed signals it seems as though most of the time all one comes up with is— mixed signals. The one thing that’s consistent when it comes to dealing with today’s single men is the absenteeism of courtship and their nonexistent chase.
Many men don’t know how to court or better yet they don’t necessarily have to court the women of today. Think about it. Years ago when I was a teenager if a guy wanted to see me, he had to call me. Nowadays guys hop on social media and send you a DM. They think that’s appropriate. Back in the day if a guy wanted to see a beautiful picture of you, they had to probably take it with a camera or you had to go through the effort of sending one to them after development but not anymore, they have Facebook, Instagram or just being sent one over your iPhone. Guys used to have to work harder but now they don’t have to and sadly we’ve allowed this to go on for too damn long. Netflix and chill has replaced the traditional dinner and a movie and there’s no mystery in one’s identity anymore. A guy think he knows the depths of your soul from lurking on your Facebook or Twitter. We cannot simply blame guys for this travesty because we’ve contributed to the madness. I have real life occurrences that just happened to me that proves my realization credible.
Scenario #1 “Getting Together”
A while back a friend of mine tried to get me introduced to a young man that she deemed as worthy of dating someone like me, you wouldn’t think something so simple would become so muddied and complicated. Over the span of a week in between exchanged phone calls, confusing texts, unclear communication and somewhat reluctance, the meeting never occurred. Infraction #1 Facebook trolling. The gentlemen admitted in one of our few telephone conversations that he’d been lurking all throughout my Facebook account where he deemed me as attractive and there’s no telling what image he got from me. When he asked me if I did the same, I replied no, because I didn’t. I honestly don’t think that looking at someone’s Facebook before you have a face-to-face with them is a mature way of handling dating. Infraction #2 Muddied Communication. Him: Can you meet me tonight around 7:00? Me: No, I’m going to meet my brother tonight. Him: Ok cool. Me: You want to meet me tomorrow at 4:00 for drinks at this location? Him: I’m not sure I have to be here so that may cause a problem. Me: Okay why don’t I call about thirty minutes prior to that time and see what’s up? Him: Okay, that’s cool.—-Alright that seems pretty straightforward huh? That’s what I thought. In between he not answering the phone or calling me when I told him I’d be in an interview or with friends or the information that he relayed to me not aligning with his actions the meeting never went down. Infraction #3 Asking too personal questions before I even know anything about him. Rarely do I ever get offended but he definitely put the cart before the horse and he cannot even make a definitive decision about where we should meet. Needless to say that Mr. Confusion is now an afterthought because there is no excuse for a grown man to act like that.
Sadly that type of ambiguity is reality for we dating millenials. I’m not necessarily saying that this bachelor wanted me to chase him but he damn sure didn’t have as much of a clue about courtship as he probably think he did. Oh well, you win knowledge and you move the hell on.
Scenario #2 Communication is Key—or sometimes the nail in the coffin.
We all have that one guy that’s lurking around our life. We may have had a crush on the guy we work with and he’s been sending mixed signals for a while because he’s not entirely ready for a relationship or he may be the guy you had a great first date with and then all of a sudden he fell off the earth for a minute but suddenly reappeared. The communication piece sometimes can be the definitive reason why you stay down with a person or the reason why you kick him to the curb and never look back. However I’ve also discovered that communication is another part of the chase that men have not mastered. The fact of the matter is that REAL MEN HUNT, THEY CHASE and I’ll be damned if I’m going to call a man every single day or initiate every single conversation that we have. This lurking gentlemen in my life didn’t get the memo. He will go a whole day or two without calling or texting me and then out of the blue will have the nerve to call me and be pissed.
Him: What’s up baby, why you haven’t hit me up?
Me: Who is this? (Obviously to piss him off).
Him: You know who the fuck you think this is? What other n*^^A you hollering at?
Me: You’re the one who’s hollering. What’s good?
Him: What you doing?
Me: Working as normal, about to go workout.
Him: What you been up to?
Me: Going out, having a good time.
Him: Who you been going out with?
Me: Your daddy, do you have anything to actual say to me?
Him: You got a smart ass mouth.
Him: Let me come over.
Me: Didn’t I just say I’m about to go workout?
Him: It’s like that?
Me: Yeah, hit me up when you want to take me out. I gotta go.
Crazy ain’t it? I know I add fuel to the fire but truth be told who has time to deal with this mess? After a conversation like that he hits me up with a text telling me that he misses me… When I sit around and reflect on this I can only conclude that this is pure lunacy. It may not be his entire intention for me to chase him, he’s probably dealing with someone else, but unless he learns to chase me, he will soon become an afterthought.
The search for love can be difficult but the reality is that I want real love. I want a man who courts me, who texts me in the morning, who calls me every night and when I call him he’s there for me. I want a man who makes it his priority to take me out at least once a week and I will cook for him at least once a week. I want a man who wants to hold my hand and kisses my forehead. Not a man who cannot even decide where we should meet for a drink or who goes days without even hitting me up. I want a man who takes the actual care of dressing well for a real date and picking me up after I’ve taken the care of getting ready as well. I don’t want a guy who wants to show up with his grey sweatpants on as if that’s any effort. My parents weren’t perfect, they had their ups and downs but until my father took his dying breath for over 37 years he courted my mom. He still brought her flowers now and again and he still took her on dates and called throughout the day. I may not find exactly what they had but I want as close to it as I can get.
Rest in Peace, Love and Greatness to my dear sweet and cherished friend EJ, I miss you more than I ever imagined!