Dating as a millennial is a tiring task. There are so many variables and things that have to be taken into consideration but one thing that is constant from one generation to the next is that you must have standards. Standards are the things that determine if a candidate is viable or disposable. Some women have a long list of standards, some have a few requirements and others have none. As a dating millennial I have a list that I swear by which I believe is quite reasonable.
- A sense of spirituality (no atheists and devil worshippers).
- I prefer no children, but no more than two and no more than two baby mothers.
- Gentlemanly but masculine
- Attractive (no gold teeth and if you have dreads, they must be neat)
- Educated or intelligent
You tell me, are my standards ridiculous or reasonable? Most of the time I think that I’m being reasonable but when the well keeps coming up dry sometimes you look back at the situation and think maybe I should adjust things a bit? Come on, I know some of you have read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and you take heed the words of Mr. Harvey. Recently I reflected on my single status and thought that maybe I should throw my list to the wind for a bit and share time with someone who wasn’t necessarily proficient to my requirements. Yes, I stepped out on the dark side.
Situation #1 Ms. Bougie and the Thug
Yes, I called myself “bougie”, when enough mad people call you that you embrace the negativity and turn it into a positive and laugh about it. Those who are in my privileged circle knows that there are many sides to my psyche. I’m country but cosmopolitan, loud but I can be very quiet, in some cases silent, I’m tough but gentle and because I’m multi-faceted a lot of people don’t understand me and I can be unfairly labeled. So if “bougie” is something that I am labeled because I have standards and there are some things I just won’t do. I’ll take it. Mostly, I go for nerds or dapper gentlemen, the appeal of a thug has never really reached my preference so when I was approached by one I went against my natural instincts and allowed him to follow suit. To sum up our encounter it goes a little something like this?
Him: Do you smoke?
Me: Just not my thing.
Him: So when can I come over?
Me: I have to get to know you better.
Him: I know you.
Me: No, you know the girl from high school, she is not me anymore.
Him: I’m the same.
Him: So can I come over?
Me: No. I can meet you somewhere.
Him: Aight, tomorrow at 8:00.
Him: I don’t know, you choose….
By now I’m sure you’re bored of this entire conversation so imagine how I felt and needless to say, it’s over now. I reevaluated everything after this brief involvement. Trust me the encounter made me really think about what I learned from this occurrence.
Situation #2 The Beauty gave the Beast a chance.
A sweet friend of mine adjusted her standards too and I had to have some fun with the title that I give her situation. She’s a beauty on the outside and inside as well so when she gave this young man a change we all did a double take. Lord knows we could’ve looked past some of his exterior if his interior was in check but because of his doggish insides pretty soon he sabotaged his damn self. Now truth be told I feel bad for my friend that she had to deal with his bull but deep down I’m glad that upon the entire ordeal she finally sees her entire worth, on the inside and the outside. Now she knows that she’s way above it all and can move on with her life. I deemed him the beast because he’s an undesirable in so many ways.
Standards can be like mortgage rates. They can be fixed where the terms of the contract will never change or they can be varied. However I think it all depends on the situation. One can adjust some things if the person is grateful for the opportunity to treat you with dignity and respect or if your differences aren’t so dire that there could be a middle ground. In my situation, there was no middle ground. We are too different. The girl that he knew in high school is no more, I don’t know where she is and quite frankly, I’m glad that heifer is gone. He hasn’t changed and I don’t think he desires to change so… yeah, there’ll never be an us. With my friend, her relationship was an awakening situation and I believe that she’s learned lessons that will benefit her for years to come. Long story short, right now my standards are fixed and unless I meet someone who can give me a reason to switch over to a variable contract, my list will remained FIXED!
Rest in Love to my dear, understanding friend EJ… You don’t know how much I miss you, especially when I want to call you homie and tell you about these troublesome times with the opposite sex, I can’t call, I can’t text and it’s still not normal for me yet. You and Papi keep enjoying yourselves and know that we love you and miss you so much.