As a young educated woman with a career it’s only natural that you’ll want it all, the career and the love of your life, but sometimes I observe others like myself and wonder are you respectfully looking or are you desperately seeking?
Over a year has passed and I am happily able to write that I have spent the same year quite stable in my love life, so I’m not looking at all for love, instead I’m observing my peers via facebook, instagram and social settings….Not to sound completely critical or hypocritical, but honestly watching these women I can see how easily men have gotten away with so much for so long.
The older women get the more flags go off in our brains triggered by time, society and other factors that WE should ALL be in a committed relationship, with a committed guy and if too much time goes by WE will have committed the ultimate sin of becoming an old maid… Honestly, how some of us behave, we should just be, well, COMMITTED! Someone please call a psychiatrist!
Mistake #1 Getting TOO cozy, TOO soon.
Men are hunters by nature, it matters none if they are a Sagittarius or a weird ass Scorpio, they all like to hunt! So for the love of God, let them hunt. In turn, if you give it up all too soon, they’ll be gone too quickly. “It” isn’t just a pronoun for your vagina, it can stand for other things as well! These include but aren’t limited to: 1. Going to a man’s house whom you just met, or don’t know from Adam rather. 2. Allowing him to get too cozy in your apartment or residence too soon. 3. Allowing him to know far more about you than you know about him. 4. Giving him more material possessions than he’s given you!
If you give it too easily, what are you allowing him to accomplish or hunt?! Nothing! People are selfish by nature, we can’t help it. Men are out for what they can get and the same goes for we women, but we have a slight advantage over men, which is that…vagina rules the world, so make him earn it and everything over time… That way if things don’t work out, you won’t feel used or stupid!
Scenario #1. Karla and Kevin.
Kevin rescues Karla one night. Karla is mesmerized, Karla gives Kevin her number. Kevin texts her constantly. Karla is flattered. Kevin asks her out. Karla goes out with him. Karla has a good time. By the end of the month Karla is cooking for Kevin in her apartment, allowing him to stay days and nights on end. Karla introduces Kevin to her friends. Her friends are mesmerized until Kevin tells the waiter at the bar that he’s just out with friends. Karla’s friends ask Kevin isn’t Karla your girlfriend? Kevin says, I’m not ready for a commitment, I thought we were just kicking it?! Karla feels used and hurt. Kevin never calls again! Karla cries to me. I say “dumbass, you should’ve spoken with him about that before you started cooking damn full course meals and playing house, that’s wifey stuff that he never had to work for… ” You’ve only known him a little over a month, I have a deeper relationship with the 150.00 Steve Madden pumps I just purchased… I mulled over that purchase for three weeks before I decided to go ahead and get them!
Moral: A man is all about TAKE, you have to make him GIVE!
Mistake #2 Projecting all of your wants and desires on a man!
I don’t know where women got the bright idea that men can read minds… News flash***Men can’t read minds*** if you want something from them, I suggest you flat out tell them. I know that takes away from the mystique and romance, but who cares? Life is NO fairy tale! Prince Charming doesn’t exist until you tailor make that construction worker from top to bottom…. If you have a man who is willing, tell him what you want! Let him know that you want marriage, kids, a future in the suburbs, don’t assume he knows that’s what you want, because every woman isn’t created equal. Case in point, my future is in a Manhattan apartment as a writer, professor with (in my 2 Chainz voice) NO KIDS! My love knows this… They can’t know if you don’t tell them.
Scenario #2. Delia and Carlton.
Delia spent 6 years with Carlton never telling him what she wanted. Finally, she leaves, goes off to Atlanta and works for TBS… Years pass and she runs into Carlton in the ATL with his new wife and baby. She whines to me, that woman has my life. I said, “No…You need to get yo life”… “Never did you tell that boy you wanted marriage and a kid, he thought you wanted a life where you focused on your career and that’s all! Dummy!”
Mistake #3. Being thirsty! Being eager!
Lord I know so many groups of girls who go out every weekend with three things on the brain, penius, penius, penius. They get their hair done only if they’re going to potentially meet men, wear heels for the same purpose and buy new party dresses with guys on their minds. My God, sit your thirsty asses down! Get your hair done because it needs it! Buy heels so you make yourself look fabulous and purchase clothes so you’ll be ready for whatever event that presents itself. They want to know about the guys that will be at the party before the party begins. “What fraternity are they from?” “What chapter?” “How many are single?” “How many women did you invite?” “How many men said they were coming?” My reply: “Heifer just come cause I told you to and leave your desperation at home”. A man can spot a thirsty heifer from 100ft and either they’ll prey on you or just pray for you! The ones who choose to prey on you will charm your ass initially and as soon as they get the cookies, they’ll leave your thirsty ass high and dry, again. Got milk?
Scenario #3. Taylor and Daniel.
Taylor meets Daniel at an event at a local restaurant, she went there to meet a guy. It’s obvious to Daniel that she’s looking for a man because he’s been watching her since she got there. She’s giving several men the “eye” to see if they’ll bite! She has her cleavage out and she checks her make-up several times. Daniel says to himself, this is too easy. Daniel goes over and introduces himself, he’s wearing his fraternity jacket “that always gets the women jocking”…. They talk the entire night, or rather she went on for hours and occasionally he interjected a little bit of information here and there. The next day he adds her as a friend on Facebook after he’s changed his status twice saying “he wants a beautiful Nubian queen to share his world with”… Two days pass and Taylor goes to his house at his urging, they fool around, but Taylor isn’t completely dumb, they don’t go all the way. Daniel is smart. He changes his status after she leaves to “I think I found her”… Three days passes, Daniel gets her cookies. He calls her to make sure she’s gotten home, she thinks he’s a real gentleman. Two hours later she discovers he’s defriended her on Facebook and suddenly stops answering her texts. Daniel also forgot to mention that he’s about to move so as soon as she musters the strength to go to his house and confront him, she discovers he doesn’t live there anymore. Taylor feels had. I shake my head…. “Yeah, you have been had!”
Daniel was able to tap into Taylor’s vulnerability from the start just from her body language at the event and she allowed him to know much more information about herself than she ever acquired about him. She made multiple mistakes from the beginning and Daniel capitalized on it. Sometimes some guys are pure and simple opportunists.
I’m not saying that I have never been stupid. But lessons are meant for you learn from them. If the same stuff keeps happening to you, the common denominator is YOU! Time alone is meant to work on you. What is meant for you, can and only be for you, stop being so thirsty for men that you lose all sound judgment. Youth is no excuse to whore around because that stuff will catch up to you! Have some dignity for Christ’s sake!
March 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm
So true!!!! It happens daily it has became apart of every day life… We as Women think that if we tolerate things we can change a man but in reality the only way we can change him is if he wears diapers!!!!! But when you know better you do better.. Keep up the wonderful writing…. I love it…..
April 1, 2013 at 10:08 pm
I need to get a pen and paper! I will say that going from a relationship and being in love to being single in today’s dating world is HARD!!!!! It isn’t actually about being lonely, but rather being used to a particular person. I haven’t dated in forever IT SEEMS…so this advice is MUCH NEEDED!!!!