Hello all! I am back and I am older. Almost a week ago, I celebrated my 25th birthday for the second time and I must say that this birthday was a great one, I haven’t had such a good time in such a long time and it has gotten me to thinking…. Is such a glorious celebration a sign of great things to come?
This past December, I completed my Master’s degree and that was a feat that I’m extremely proud of and I look forward to starting another degree soon, but not before I have a little fun first, Lord knows I’m due for some. I guess you can say December was quite eventful for me because Christmas eve I helped to host a party at one of my bestie’s home and in doing so I uncovered two things. 1. I am STILL quite desirable, that night I landed about five phone numbers from five eligible bachelors and 2. There ARE some really great guys still out there. So I ended the year going on a few dates with a few guys that I met there, in turn I met a really great one that I’ve taken into the calendar new year and now into the new year of my life.
So far, this new guy has been awesome. He’s intelligent, I can carry a conversation with him about virtually anything, he’s ambitious, he’s educated, he’s handsome, he’s a gentleman, he’s chivalrous and all of those things turn me on in many ways and they are the most important things that I can find in a guy. He’s all these things but sometimes I feel myself hesitating when it comes to him… He is a 15 compared to that loser I dumped in September and I became enamored and geeked up about him almost instantly, so why can’t I do the same about Mr. Wonderful? Am I being extra cautious for no reason or am I waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Comparing the time I spent with the loser and Mr. Wonderful, the amount of time that has passes is almost identical at this point, give or take a few weeks, so why am I being extra cautious? By this time with the loser, I had already discovered that he was such and I was now comparing the pros and cons of him being in my life and preparing to give him the old heave-go!
Is this a common issue with we women? Do we look at the losers in the past and begin to believe that all of the men in our lives will begin to fall short as well? Is this smart? Is this fair? Is it right to compare all new guys to the ones who have came and went in the past?
Dating is an experience, it can be exhilirating, infuriating, eventful and excruciating at times however there are numerous reasons why we should date. Just like everything in life we should look at the experiences and learn from it, so I guess it may be a little smart to look at my past dating experiences to make sure I won’t make the same mistakes again.
Mistake #1. Getting too cozy, too soon.
With the loser, I allowed him to get too complacent too soon. Of course it’s easy to get enamored with someone who’s new into your life and you wanna share every waking moment of the day with that person that you eventually cut off the rest of the world and he’s at your home 24/7, you’re caring for that person and playing house before you know it and much like an ungrateful husband, soon he started to take me and the things that I did for granted and started to neglect my needs which left me feeling deprived. That is a feeling that I hate, I’ve never really been deprived of anything in my life, I’m the baby girl and I am extremely spoiled by almost everyone in my family, so you know I was not going for that. As soon as I fell for him that’s how soon I fell out with him and he had to get the hell out! I have had to resist getting into a niche with Mr. Wonderful though because he’s so great, of course I’d love to pamper him and spend every waking moment of the day with him because he’s worth it, but I look at that as a process now and in time I will begin to spoil him but not too much too soon.
Mistake #2. Indulging too much.
This mistake is self explanatory. With the loser I was socking it to him as much as I could sock it to him and I over looked the fact that he really wasn’t a guy who enjoyed being overworked… WHAT! This was blasphemous to me… Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that this heterosexual young male doesn’t enjoy being worked out several times a week? Ugh!!! It’s funny how men and women will start giving you everything you want in the beginning and then when they get complacent they’ll cut you off cold turkey! Talking about having the rug pulled from underneath you. I went from having it four times a week to once a month, and let me say that was on his part, NOT mine. By the time I was ready to pull the plug on our relationship I was a raging, horny lunatic. So with Mr. Wonderful we’re taking it really slow and really talking about the idea of being intimate before actually taking part in it and discussing the likes and dislikes and I’m quite sure that when we do indulge that we will both be satisfied regularly and continuously. I’m praying Mr. Wonderful will be wonderful at that.
Mistake #3. Becoming too official too soon.
With the loser everyone knew that he and I were an item and it brought underlying and outside issues into our relationship, really early on that can be a problem. Therefore with Mr. Wonderful while people know of his presence and my friends know him, they don’t know what is going on with us and as far as they know we are just friends and I plan on staying that way with him until I am sure he and I can handle a relationship with one another.
So as another birthday has come and gone, I guess with age I have gotten wiser. Here’s hoping.
April 1, 2013 at 4:53 pm
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I agree with everything you said and I think it is very important that not only woman ,but men should set standards for themselves as well. I agree with what you said about being honesty with your self, learning from mistakes and past hurts. I am at a point in my life where my dating life has increase and I find myself asking questions about what woman want, how do woman think and etc… Thanks for sharing your experiences and the things you have gone through.