Hello all! I know it has been ages but I’m a busy girl and I’ve had a lot of things to keep me occupied. Well in the midst of all of the things that have kept me occupied I have neglected a lot of other things. I have been neglecting someone who is very dear to me and I’ve put my love life on hold. I haven’t been in a relationship in over a year and one day I woke up and it didn’t bother me at all.
Some people may think of that realization as a breath of fresh air but I guess there are two ways to look at it. Well anyway I have continued to go on with my career as an educator and I’ve been doing well and devoting as much time as possible to being the best that I can be however a woman cannot ever forget about some things. One of those things is the feeling after a wonderful first date, well I wish someone would describe that feeling to me again and maybe I could remember it because it has been over a year since I’ve had a truly great first date. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had dates because I have however I haven’t had a great one in ages. I went on two horrible dates this summer. Date number one felt like I was going on an outing with a cousin minus the amusement. The date was a total dud. I got all dolled up and I geeked myself up for the usual first date but there was no sparks at all throughout the entire date. Well a little while passed and we tried to date again and he did the unthinkable. I invited the young man over to my house to watch a hilarious movie that he’d never seen before and he came over and went to sleep on my couch. YES! He did! I’m not talking an innocent little dozing for a few minutes I mean he was stretched across my couch snoring, I recorded the noise on my phone and sent it to him in a later text message.
The second thing that a woman must never forget is how a crush feels. Well sadly just like the exhilirating rush of a wonderful first date I have forgotten the feeling of having a crush on a really great guy. I think it has been something like a few years since I’ve had a crush so when I was faced with a new one I neglected to deal with it for months.
Some things in life you’re told that you’ll never forget, like riding a bike. I was told as a developing young woman that you’d never forget your first kiss, your first love, your first time, how to make brownies, the first date feeling as well as other things. In fact I remember one of my sisters saying that even after taking years off from having sex that doing the deed again was “like riding a bike” you never forget how. Well that statement is true but I have decided that some other things aren’t just like riding a bike therefore you need to keep exercising certain feelings and actions on a regular basis in order to keep things in perspective.
I’m upset and happy with myself for the first time. First of all I’m proud of the detail and dedication that I’m exhibiting in my professional career and development. I’m proud of the way that I’ve worked on the relationships among my family members but I’m much more upset with myself for other things. How could you neglect your best friend? I cannot believe it has been 2 months since I’ve seen the girl who has been like a sister to me for over 8 years in her time of need. Once I realized this portion of my life had occured I have made restitution to my dear recovering sister but I suppose I’ve been more neglectful of myself.
Love is an essential piece of life. I do believe that whatever God has for me it is definitely for me however I shouldn’t put that portion of my life so far on a backburner that when it reappears that I don’t know how to react or behave. That is definitely not a part of my repertoire. I am Ms. Grandberry, always imitated and never duplicated, beneath my government name on my driver’s license the words BAD MUTHAFUCKER are written. LOL!
Over three months ago I developed a crush that I hadn’t acted on until last week. WTH. That is totally not in the repertoire of somebody as fly as me. I’m so fly that even my errors are correct, Nikki Giovanni was talking about me in that poem. When I finally acted on the feelings that I have for my crush the approach wasn’t worthy of the fly one and how I should continue to handle things are of a mystery to me. These feelings aren’t foreign to me because I’ve dealt with them time and time before but they feel strange because I’ve put that part away and now I feel like a kid who’s never set foot on a ten-speed.
Well the moral of this posting is to keep that sparkle in your life, even if you just have to diminish the amount. If you do nothing but flirt with the cashier who hands you coffee at McDonald’s in the morning in order to keep that magical feeling in your life, don’t ever push it to the side or else you’ll wind up feeling exasperated like the author of To Be Young and Single!