Let’s talk about two species who are very different.  Those species are men and women.  There are rituals that men partake in that some women will never understand and some things that women do that keep men in a state of confusion however there is something that both species do that confuses me as well.  Over a month ago a friend of mine brought this to my attention and I’ve been pondering about the situation in order to complete this posting about it.  This phenomenon is keeping dating candidates on reserve while their in a “serious” relationship.  Allow me to elaborate.  This occurs when the female keeps a few guys at arms length in case the “relationship” doesn’t work out and guys do the same.  Of course I have examples….

My friend Taylor has perfected the art of going shopping with money in her pocket.  She dated this guy Matt and after about 3 months things became serious however whenever he pissed her off she would call one of the guys in her pocket that would provide her with whatever Matt wasn’t giving her.  She’d call Cameron whenever Matt was being selfish with his money, David whenever Matt was out of town and she had a yearning, Robbie whenever Matt wasn’t being attentive enough and lastly Myron whenever she just wanted to secretly get back at Matt for whatever.  Most of the time Taylor seemed happy so I couldn’t help but wonder was Taylor onto something?  Is it impossible to be completely happy with just one man?

Moving on there’s this guy that I know who handles women in the same manner that Taylor handles men.  Only Danny doesn’t look at each girl as supplementing whatever his girlfriend can’t handle.  He just keeps a pocket full of money in order to keep his ego completely inflated.  Having sex with these women on a regular basis isn’t always the goal it’s more about the fact that he has it like that.  He’s so freaking great that he can have his main girl whenever he wants and a handful of others as well.  Seemingly so he seems mostly happy as well.

Are Danny and Taylor examples of how to achieve true relationship happiness?  Hugh Hefner parades around with a handful of ladies on his arms on a daily basis and he’s an old happy rich fart.  The more I think about it maybe they are onto something.  I usually don’t attract as much attention from the opposite sex when I’m alone as I do when I’m in a relationship so maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me that there’s strength in numbers and possibly happiness?  Why does it seem so much easier for Taylor and Danny to function with more than one possible suitor than just one imperfect one?

Consequently while I’ve been contemplating the entire notion I thought about a conversation that I had with Taylor about Matt and all of her other suitors and finally it hit me in the face.  The reason that Taylor and Danny enjoyed all of these suitors is because they don’t have an issue with finding happiness, they have issues with intimacy.  Taylor can never show her vulnerable side to Matt because she doesn’t know how to voice her concerns about his inability to keep her happy while Danny’s ego serves as a cushion in the event that a girl breaks his heart.  So it seems that all of the contents in their pockets are just quick fixes for what they have to fix all on their own. 

Luckily I don’t have the same problem that Danny and Taylor have because I think it’s unnatural to seek what you need in another person.  Although I believe that another person can make you happy but true happiness can be achieved within yourself and I believe that’s the reason why I am finally comfortable with the idea intimacy.  In other words if you can’t be happy with yourself what will you do with someone else?  I guess it isn’t so much who’s in Taylor and Danny’s pockets and others like them but more of what’s in their pocket….. Emotional baggage.