Did I Shave My Legs for This?

Hello all!  I have to admit that March Madness has really gotten me in the mood.  I wish I could follow my beloved Memphis Tigers all over the country as they try and pursue their goal of an NCAA Championship however the sport has really gotten me in the mood to write as well.  Whenever I look at basketball as any other fan I enjoy the sport while at the same time my mind wanders and now I’m wandering into this entry.  If you have the privilege of reading my writings you’ll probably notice that the tone of each entry changes because the topic changes and each topic is geared toward either women or men or both.  This entry is geared toward my female audience however men you are more than welcome to indulge as well.  Some say love is unpredictable and others say it’s a battlefield but for me love is a basketball game.  I love basketball.  I never could dribble a ball to save my life but I love to watch it especially during this time of year.  Just like a situation dealing with the opposite sex basketball can have you on the edge of your seat for all types of reasons and I believe that if we women deal with the opposite sex as if we’re playing in the big leagues than we’ll wind up better off in the long run.

Dilemma #1: “I’m afraid that he’s only after me for my body!

I have heard this statement more times than I can count.  I’ve never said it myself because I usually always know when a guy is only after me for my body.  It’s not rocket science!  However I do acknowledge the fact that exceptions can happen and that some men have been deceiving women so long that they’ve got it down to a science.  Whenever such a situation happens at tipoff it’s time that you handle the ball properly.  While men may possess the balls the ball is always in our court.  Many times as we women suspect that a man’s intentions are less than pure we still wind up sleeping with him.  When this occurs either one of two things will follow.  Either the relationship will become solely based on sex or you’ll never see the guy again.  Again it’s not rocket science!  Instead of sleeping with someone that you have obvious suspicions about pretend that you’re Yao Ming and the guy is someone obviously smaller  than the gifted center such as Allen Iverson and block his shit as he’s going to the basket.  After you’ve done so look him dead in the face with a look of intensity that screams “WHAT!”  A man will only do to you what you allow him to.  It’s simple.

When you suspect him of being a hound don’t respond by being one as well respond by anticipating his behavior and making the right move that prevents him from scoring, this is called defense.  Basketball is as much mental as it is physical just like a relationship.  Basketball is filled with emotions while relationships are fueled by emotions.  Your emotions tell you what it is that you want from the relationship while your head guides your body to making the right moves in order to accomplish that goal.  In basketball your heart is what makes you hunger and crave winning and you use both your head and body in order to make that happen. 

Dilemma #2: “He won’t commit!”

Before you begin to read this portion of my entry there is nothing that I can tell you that will make a man commit.  If I knew the answer to that I’d be able to afford the five bedroom house and Range Rover that I’ve always wanted.  As far as I know there has never been a surefire way to make a man commit.  However this portion is meant to teach you how to deal with a man who refuses to commit.  As Yao Ming blocked Iverson’s shot early on this is him flipping the script and doing the same to you. 

Men can tell a woman who is hungry for commitment a mile away.  If this is something that you must have then it’s time for fast paced basketball.  Now is the time that you pretend that you’re Dwyane Wade, a.k.a. “Flash”.  Every single time he gets the ball you need to stay on him as hard as you can without committing a foul, steal the ball, take off and score on his ass.  No, this isn’t an analogy for cheating nor does it mean busting his balls.   It’s a measure of continuing to score despite not actually achieving what it is that you truly want.  This means that he’ll anticipate that you’ll act all rigid and pissy as most women do when they don’t get their way but instead do all you can to continue and play the game well.  It’s like LeBron James saving face after missing an alley-hoop.  When you continue to score and dominate he’ll realize that one monkey doesn’t stop the show and it’s time for him to either bring his “A” game or hit the bench.

Dilemma #3: “I believe he’s cheating”

Chances are if you think that your man is cheating then he probably is.  The average woman will respond either one of three ways.  She’ll either go Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale, Julia Roberts in Something to Talk About or she’ll leave.  As a black woman it may sound confusing when I say that I don’t advise you to act as Angela did.  Because unlike her your ass will do time and no man is worth going to jail over.  In a situation such as this two wrongs won’t make a right and that’s what Julia found out.  Of course she had her much needed tantrums as we all need in such a scene and we’ll probably turn over the ball however you don’t panic and you guard you opponent so well that he commits an offensive foul and loses the ball as did you.  Why should you get completely disoriented when it’s he who committed the foul?  Take a timeout and think about what‘s best for you and I guarantee that when the clock’s winding down it’ll be you who is the victor no matter who has the most points.

Dealing with the opposite sex can be pleasurable and painful all at the same time but one must remember that there is a goal that should be accomplished just like the end result of a basketball game.  It doesn’t matter what that goal or accomplishment is just as long as you and your opponent are playing fairly and on the same playing field.  That’s all I want for we women to do is to bring our “A” game.  It’s okay to be vulnerable but being weak is just downright played out.  Stop letting these men play you like a fiddle because just like most games it better off when it’s played by two.

SMOOCHES!